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Looking after ourselves

Aimless99
Casual Contributor

I feel scarred

I am 19 years old and have been told by 4 different psychiatrist that i have BPD but no one wants to diagnose me because of my age. My partner is amazing we have only been together for 7 months but we have been through hell toghter and i am terrified he will leave but i am also terrified of what i will do to get thim to stay. I dont know if this is normal or not but i have a major fear of being alone. 

 

9 REPLIES 9

Re: I feel scarred

Hi @Aimless99,

Welcome to SANE forums! It is really brave to reach out for support and its wonderful to see you tdoing this. I am sorry things are tough at the moment, I can imagine going through different psychiatrists would not have been easy especially if they are not willing to diagnose you at the moment. It sounds like you are very aware of the ups and downs of your relationship, which is always a good start. 

 

There will be plenty of members here to connect and gain support from. You may like this thread here.

 

I also saw that you said you are 19 so you may also like to try the ReachOut forums which is focused directly on youth up to 25 years old, so you may find similar stories from peers a little closer to your age as well. They have some useful youth related facts and guides there too! 

Re: I feel scarred

Thankyou. I was sent to a diffrent person everytime i attempted to take my life but only four told me what i had and that they werent going to do a diagnosis. Everything has been really hard and i just dont want to live most days even though i am in an amazing relationship and have people that love and care about me now.

Re: I feel scarred

Hi @Aimless99 - have you been to a Headspace centre? That could be a good option for you to try and get some ongoing help & support (and maybe a diagnosis if that is what you want)

Re: I feel scarred

@Aimless99 Hi Aimless99 my son showed signs of schizophrenia when he was 5 no one except maybe one or two psychiatrists at that time wanted to say that my son had early onset shcizophrenia due to his diagnosis of autism as well.  I knew there was something drastically wrong and sure enough when he turned 16 all hell broke loose with him experiencing a full blown psychosis. 

 

I suppose what I am saying treat it as it presents itself. Keep knocking on those doors of psychiatrists until you find one that is listening they are out there. I found mine in a different state .... (no kidding) he was brilliant and he listened to our familes concerns about our son2. I hope this has helped a bit. greenpea.

Re: I feel scarred

Thankyou i really hope that someone will help me soon i have attempted to
take my life but yet no one will tell me what is wrong they just give me
antidepressants and make me stay in a mental unit for a week till my moods
even out

Re: I feel scarred

Headspace havent been able to help me i have tried they just send me up to
the hospital each time.

Re: I feel scarred

@Aimless99


@Aimless99 wrote:

I am 19 years old and have been told by 4 different psychiatrist that i have BPD but no one wants to diagnose me because of my age. My partner is amazing we have only been together for 7 months but we have been through hell toghter and i am terrified he will leave but i am also terrified of what i will do to get thim to stay. I dont know if this is normal or not but i have a major fear of being alone. 

 


What exactly is a personality disorder? And who has defined it to where you assume it is a deficiency that makes you less valuable than any other breathing soul on the face of this Earth?

 

So first and foremost do not degrade yourself to look forward to some diagnosis as if that is the core of what is going on here. Everything you are experiencing is a matter of thoughts and consciousness. You can choose at this very moment to no longer accept that you are a victim of some created disorder that decapitates you and makes you incapable of controlling your mind.

 

You are what you think. The mere fact that you have the power, have exercised your right to seek help says enough. That is your power. You are powerful enough as a living soul created by the all powerful (whatever name someone wants to use for God G-o-d or a higher power...I call this YOU). You are consciousness and you have Free Will to choose your thoughts at any given time.

 

You must just choose to exercise that same power you displayed by posting here and having first of all the awareness that you can actually LIVE A HEALTHY ENJOYABLE LIFE...IF  you so CHOOSE to LIVE. Taking your life or anyone taking the life of another is a CHOICE. No one makes someone choose. Many people stare down the barrel of a loaded  gun in defiance to give up whatever the assailant is demanding and are willing to meet their death because they are choosing to not give in to the demands of the criminal...even if it costs them their life. CHOICES. Some choose to fly and some stay...we call this fight or flight and it is in-nate in every breathing being on this Planet. 

 

Rise in your power and dont accept that you have a disorder to begin with...start there. Why do you have to accept that any activity in your mind is due to a dis-ability and not moreso your ability to connect to various thoughts that many people are too ashamed to communicate and express? Why cant you just simply be connected to the collective consciousness which makes you very sensitive to all sorts of thoughts and all of these thoughts and ideas did not originate with you! You did not create the human language did you? Where did the word diagnosis even come from? What's the etymology on that?  So how can you accept all the thoughts that go thru your mind as being your own or as being those which you must identify yourself with? You are not your thoughts! What and Who you Are..is who you CHOOSE TO SAY YOU ARE!

 

Someone says they dumb all the time and guess what.....they are dumb. Someone says they are smart all the time (even inspite others telling them they are dumb).....they are smart. This person eventually even if they previously thought and AGREED WITH the words and thoughts of others towards them of dumbness....will BE A SMART PERSON...its all about choices. 

 

The ideas in your mind did not originate with you....it is the collective words and expressions and ideas that you have been subject to from your environment from the moment you was a heart beat in your mothers womb. You did not create these ideas in your head....now you can realize that you can challenge everything you was told, why must you accept what people tell you? You are the keeper and Owner of your Mind and nO One Else...You!

 

You can simply DIS-AGREE WITH EVERY THOUGHT AND IDEA THAT YOU DO NOT LIKE AND THOSE THAT DO NOT SPARK GOOD VIBES AND GOOD FEELINGS IN YOU! YOU NEED TO START FEELING BETTER IMMEDIATELY.

 

You dont have to rely on some outside force or another person to DO THIS for you. It is in you...this Unconditional Love that we all seek..it is there. You can feel it if you ask yourself...what does it feel like? Keep asking yourself what does this Unconditional Love feel Like? Trust me its there...and thats the only place you will find it 100% of the time. Down inside of you is that Force...That Love that Created all things...that Love that Breathes life in you Now. That is what Sustains Life. That is the only place you can never be let down...in yourself. Loving yourself gives you the ability to Love others. Care about how you feel as feelings matter and feelings brew depression eventually. Love yourself for the Beautiful Being you are. Dont compare yourself to other people. We are all equals. Know that and accept that and make that your Reality.

 

You have the power, authority and right to choose which thoughts you want to identify with and which ones you do not want to identify with. Pay attention to how you feel down on the inside when you are thinking or pondering or imagining or empathizing or reliving or worrrying, etc, etc, on any thought.....if the feeling isnt good as you are thinking....CHOOSE ANOTHER THOUGHT or engage in some activity that will take your mind off of the thoughts that do not spark good feelings...good emotions...

 

Emotions are Energies In Motion.....Which direction is your energy moving? Up into high vibes or Low into Lower Vibes? You direct your energy with the focus of your thoughts. Practice and see how you feel when you think on something that you do not like in your life.... then right after you feel bad....conjur up a thought of something that you are grateful for and thankful for and see how you feel as you think on that thought... That thought might be the fact that you have a loved one; that you are yet alive after all you've been through, that you can feel the air outside on your skin, that you are able to type and go online, that you have access to the internet, that you can walk and talk, that you are able to eat, that your digestive system works, that you are able to see, that....I can go on and on....Anyone reading this should be able to take this and put their Energy into Motion into High Vibes generating Lovely Emotions. 

 

LOVE is the Key and we dont have to Look FOR IT...we were mislead...looking for it means that you dont already have it!! Yet we tell others we Love them while we have resentment and guilt and shame about ourselves and decisions we've made??? How can you offer someone something that you do not operate yourself to YOURSELF?? People criticize and ridicule and persecute THEMSELVES more than anyone else and wonder why no one is FEELING the LOVE. We are Love and the trick is to get us to search for it outside of ourselves so its a never ending cycle of being so called hurt by everything and everyone outside of us. Yet its because we forgot what Love is and where it is, that we hurt and blame others for how we feel rather than managing our own feelings thru our awareness that our thoughts impact our feelings and our feelings impact our HEALTH...MENTAL AND PHYSICAL!! PEACE LOVE AND HARMONY ©2018

 

Re: I feel scarred

Hi @Jakai

 

Welcome to the Forum and thanks for sharing your thoughts.

 

I hope that you will find the forums to be a supportive place for exploring your ideas and any issues around Mental Health. Just a tip, if you are replying to someone or wanting to notify or touch base with someone, place an @ before their username, as in @Jakai

 

All the best

Joe The Lion

Re: I feel scarred

Thank you

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