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Looking after ourselves

BlueBay
Senior Contributor

I'm back

Hi @NikNik @pip @Decadian@utopia@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member@Shaz51@Former-Member @CherryBomb @Silenus moderators and friends

I knew i wouldn't last!!  I need you all.  who was i kidding.  Hubby and I went camping for 4 days and we argued so much about how to put the tent up, which post to use, wrong post, right post, etc etc etc

I couldn't read my book that i bought because he kept talking to me.  At the end i gave up.  We did walk around the perimeter of the caravan park which took 1/2 hour (huge park).  I managed to swim which that gave me some peace and quiet for a little while.

We just snapped at each other most of the time.  And when we didn't snap we sat and hardly spoke.  he is the type of guy that doesn't say much but i noticed even in the car driving up (3.5 hours) he wouldn't start a conversation.  So i just looked up facebook and read the paper, or fell asleep.

The weather was beautiful (25-30 every day). But i realised that i need space to myself.  We are home now and he is washing the car, I have just put a load of washing on.  the kids survived without us and actually not even keen to see us 😞

My mental state is not that great.  The CAT team rang me on saturday to make sure i was okay and asked about my sleeping.  The psych i saw gave me some sleeping tablet but i am still adjusting and don't like the drowsiness it causes the next day.  I did call them again on sunday afternoon but they had to transfer me to the place that i went to and i sadi no don't worry as hubby was coming back to me anytime and i couldn't speak while he was there.

I have an appt tomorrow to see the CAT team psych again, i also have an appt to see my own psych in the afternoon.  it will be interesting to see what he has to say abut me seeing the CAT tem psych. 

I knew i wouldn't last being off here, i just needed to tell someone about my weekend.  And as for intimacy and sex - well there is none.  And it's prob my fault because i told him last time in hospital back in July that i wasn't interested. which is still true but i am sure he would like to.

I feel like a failure for not being able to stay away from this forum, i always have good intentions, set myself a goal but never go through with it. that's where i see myself as a huge failure.

anyway, just thought i would say hi to everyone and that i have missed you all even though it's not even a week.  how patethic is that.

 

222 REPLIES 222

Re: I'm back

We missed you too @BlueBay ...... ❣

😘 ..... ❤️❤️❤️

Change123
Senior Contributor

Re: I'm back

@BlueBay dont be silly your are not pathetic!

I know I get mad at myself too, if I take a break it usually only lasts a week and thats it! 

Funny how we all have intimacy issues, thats one of the main issues in my relationship! Sex I could be a nun!

I for one am glad to see you back! I'm sorry you did not have a good time away (it sounds like something that I would do) Mines not really talking to me now but its ok.  I had overreacted to something on the weekend and while he was explaining it I cut him short and said "yes you are right and I'm sorry" he looked very confused at this!  I could tell that it put him in a bad mood but he has tried by keeping to himself so he wont freak out at me. So we spent most of the weekend in silence too!

Hope everything goes well for you tomorrow!

 

utopia
Senior Contributor

Re: I'm back

Hi @BlueBay. This is what the forum us for. And you did manage to have days off this site - so you didn't fail. You achieved a goal.
Intimacy and sex - SANE did an article on this topic. Maybe one of the @moderators could find it and attach the link for you. I'm no good with that.
So the trip wasn't the successful break you were hoping for. That happens sometimes. Even without MI issues.
Your two psych appointments tomorrow should be good and interesting. It might be good for your psychiatrist to hear from the CAT psychiatrist. Get extra feedback and all of that.
I'm glad you are back here. Missed you while you were away.
pip
Senior Contributor

Re: I'm back

Hi @BlueBay. Welcome 'home' sad to hear everything that could go wrong, did. Hey, never call yourself pathetic, no-one is. You didn't fail either, you gave it a 'go', that means you didn't fail, it simply means for whatever reason, the time away simply didn't work. You're not to blame, neither actually is hubby it was just simply wrong time, wrong place. There will actually come a time when you will look back on this experiment and laugh, hard to believe at the moment, but it's true. As far as the intimate side of your marriage, if you are feeling unwell, unloved etc, the last thing you will want is sex. Sex is something shared between a couple who are on the same page. You need the emotional comfort which he can't provide because he simply doesn't know what to do. To him, comfort and sexual pleasure go hand in hand. I can't ask you about the strength of the sleeping tablet, but that will not exactly make you turn cartwheels with sexual side of your relationship. Take your time adjusting to your meds, be aware of your emotional needs. Try to explain to hubby it's not about him, it's about you and your emotional needs. Men tend to believe when we say 'no' it's because of something they've said, or not said, something they've done, or not done. They can't understand the emotional side, because, quite simply, they are not 'wired' to. I'm having problems at the moment with my bf. It's nothing particular he's done or not done. He's one of these guys who, I think, because he's told me he loves me and he is my bf, he doesn't need to say any more. Because he's interstate and we communicate via email only, it's difficult getting the message across that I need to hear this now and again. By the way, it's great hearing from you, glad you're back.

Re: I'm back

Welcome back @BlueBay, I missed you

sending you lots of hugs HeartHeart

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: I'm back

Hi @BlueBay,

Dont feel defeated by your coming back. I did the same thing a few times before until people reassured me it was ok so it's ok and not pathetic. I think we just have to use the forum and make sure it's helping not causing more stress in difficult times. 

I can relate to the camping story. A few years ago when the kids were little we went camping with another family. It was a long drive and we got there at dusk. It took three hours to put the tents up and both couples weren't talking to each other by the end. You would have thought two sets of divorce papers were about to be filed. I think it was the most we ever argued in front of the kids just putting up the tent. At the end of it I finally fed the kids tea.......Pringles and oranges as that's was all I could find that was easy to get, the kids loved it. Anyway we went camping every year until we separated a few years back and we got better at setting up but it never went smoothly, we just got better at shutting up and not biting each other's head off. As @pip said while it might not have been much fun you created a memory that will stay with you that you and hubby can always share.

i hope your upcoming appointments go well. Take care 💜🤗

Decadian
Senior Contributor

Re: I'm back

Hi @BlueBay

 

You have not failed because you are back here - maybe this is the only place you can be yourself and talk about all the stuff you have - and right now - crappy behaviour from your Mr Huff 'n Puff - oh my stars - you finally took a few days away and it was a sitcom - still you went

 

We are obviously glad to have you back - and I have been off-line too with a computer glitch - but here we are with a new week and how fast they pass

 

Thinking of you and your adventures in the world of mental confusion and discomfort - you are one of us and we are all different but we are here for a similar reason - because we are emotional uncomfortable and we are safe here

 

Take life easy as you can - and yes - I did not get a chance to answer you but it is not your fault that your bank balance is less than it would be good to have it - you are working less time - that's true - but this is for your health -

 

Lots of virtual hugs

 

Decadian

Re: I'm back

So glad to be back, even though i am not feeling happy.

I am struggling so much today, from having an appt this morning with the CAT psych to then seeing my own psych.  It's interesting how my psych changed when he heard i went to see the CAT psych.  He really listened to me and i was a sobbing mess.  I told him we are struggling financially, i am a mess with living week by week and told him our communication is not good. camping trip was crap.

And to top it off before I realised that seeing this new psychologist will cost me $220 per visit and I get back so much. but i can't afford this amount every week so close to xmas.  so i thought if i called my therapist and ask if i could still see him until the end of the year and he just rang me back and said 'no', he said to me that i was trying to stretch out my visits with him.  he said if i can't afford this new psychologst i need to look for another one and he would help.  well i don't need his f.... help.  i won't see anyone.  it was a thought that my GP has mentioned and because it's so expensive i broke down and told my GP that i can't afford to see this new lady.

I am so angry atm.  i can't calm down.  how dare he say that to me.  so i am going to cancel my session with him this thursday.  what is the point in seeing him when he says things like that.  i am not going.  

i am so sorry everyone, i am so screwed up today, my emotions are everywhere. haven't stopped crying.

why is everything my fault.:(

Re: I'm back

In family life we women take things personally. Its in our wiring. You are so honest and open.

But remind yourself that you have raised independent capable boy/men who are in transition to being full adult males.  Hubby has the job of role model but so have lots of other people . . we cant be fully mature without a village to grow us up.

As a happy camper, I used to feel normal by the number of other disagreements I would see around the site.

It is not a consolation ... but a reminder ... it was still you both got away ...raising kids is hard ... and takes its toll on soft, fluffy romantic feelings in relationships.  

We have to try and be viable financially. Take it easy approaching christmas... I have had to be very frugal with seeing specialists of all stripes ... 

I have felt a bit concerned about my attachment to the people in this forum too ... but all in all .. I am settled with some ongoing commitment to it .. 

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