Looking after ourselves
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19-07-2019 10:09 PM
19-07-2019 10:09 PM
Re: Just checking in.
Hi everyone, and extra hi to @Teej @Faith-and-Hope @CheerBear
CheerBear FYI I had a very brief forum dream where you wrote a post to me using "vorticonal" instead of "vertical" as a joke
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19-07-2019 10:15 PM
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19-07-2019 10:49 PM
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20-07-2019 03:54 AM
20-07-2019 03:54 AM
Re: Just checking in.
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22-07-2019 08:57 AM
22-07-2019 08:57 AM
Re: Just checking in.
I'm finding things tricky at the moment with lots going on, lots of bouncing between things, and lots to think about. We've been to-ing and fro-ing between home and parents house more often than usual. It's (mostly) great to be with them though the flip side is being busier than usual. Our house is a huge mess as I haven't had the time to properly tidy up for a while. I find it hard to settle when the house is the way it is at the moment. Chemo starts this week. We don't know what day yet and I'm finding that hard as plans are up in the air until we know. I like being organised and I like plans (I think I like/need control really). This whole thing challenges that in so many ways and is difficult for me to sit with.
We've also had a tough time with the one of mine (the one that I have most concerns about). They melted down in a full blown panic, triggered, emotional storm. They were talking about the time leading up to when life went bang and said some very red flag stuff about things that happened that they said I don't know about, they haven't told me or anyone about, and that "were very bad". It was one of the hardest conversations I've had with any of my kids. They didn't disclose exactly what the bad things were which left me with all kinds of what ifs. The next day I told our family support worker. It took everything I had in me to do because I'm so, so scared of services reacting in very unhelpful ways as has happened too many times in the past. She was reassuring though and put some plans into action to get proper, helpful support in place. I had big, giant thoughts of doing terrible things to their other parent that I wouldn't act on but that do eat at me. I feel so angry when I think about it all (angry doesn't even begin to describe what I feel really).
Usually this is where I'd write some kind of plus side, fun moment or fluffy nice thing to end on a happy note. I'm not going to today, not because they're not there but because I'm always trying to put on a happy face. My happy face is tiring me and wearing me down a bit now.
Thanks for reading if you did. I hope everyone is going OK enough.
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22-07-2019 11:49 AM
22-07-2019 11:49 AM
Re: Just checking in.
Just sending a message of I hear you and feel for the big feels you must be having. @CheerBear . That’s a lot of big heavy to take on just now.
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22-07-2019 12:08 PM
22-07-2019 12:08 PM
Re: Just checking in.
There is a lot happening for you at the moment @CheerBear My thoughts are with you.
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22-07-2019 01:02 PM
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22-07-2019 01:50 PM
22-07-2019 01:50 PM
Re: Just checking in.
@CheerBear Not sure if this is appropriate, relevent or helps but I was thinking that that one of yours trusts you. It is a big thing for a little to come out with now but it’s the best time it could as they can get help now when it will have less affect down the line. You’ve worked hard to earn that trust and deserve it. I hope they’ll disclose when they can sooner rather than later. Id imagine of the list you wrote this one would be the one eating you up inside. Please keep remembering that you didn’t do anything wrong. You did the best you could and still do.
I believe the one that is struggling at the moment will get through this. You have great support systems and small villages.
In the meantime I can understand that you are feeling 😖😞😔☹️😩🤬🤯 and that’s ok. Take care 💜:face_with_rolling_eyes:
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22-07-2019 03:22 PM
22-07-2019 03:22 PM
Re: Just checking in.
I'm kind of scared to know what they're holding in and I feel bad about that and bad saying that. But I also know it is better that they talk if they need to.
Anyway. Thanks again for listening. I haven't really been around much and will have a wander later to see if you've mentioned how you're going (as in, I'd love to hear how you're going).