Looking after ourselves
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18-12-2020 08:24 PM
18-12-2020 08:24 PM
Need advice and perspectives
Hi,
My head is incredibly messed up. Beyond the stage of a shit mush. I know it is going to be like that for quite a few months. I know I am going to have to go through a lot of recovery and my life will be centred around a lot of it. I am not in a good shape and I am crying and anxious most days.
What I need advice on and different perspectives on is my new living arrangements. I need someone to offer different perspectives so my brain can get new thoughts in there instead of all the horror in my head.
I am moving out of my home. I am sad about it, and it couldnt come at a worse time, but I need to move out. It has been such a long time since I have shared with someone. I have lived alone for years. The possibility of this happening (I am looking at a place soon that is shared) is making me want to run a million miles away. It is not the problem that I am going to be sharing my space, it is that I make a mistake in choosing who I live with and the state I am currently in.
I am scared. Living alone means I do not have to answer to anyone. It is my own space and privacy. I can do what I like. I however am in a really bad state in my life. I do not want to tell a stranger this and I do not want to tell them the reasons why. It is not a strangers problem. I have also had some horrible experiences with housemates. I know its the past and I need to let go of these things. I have an extremely low self esteem and very low self worth.
My life currently is a huge mess and I have months and months of hard work to get it looking somewhat reasonable to the point that I can actually function. The place I am going to look at is nice, in a good location, I have spoken to the guy quite a lot and he seems quite nice and genuine. I will have two big rooms and my own bathroom, plus there is a huge shed on the property that I can do my wood work still. The guy has actually been very nice.
I have also been thinking, maybe because I am going through what I am going through it would be good to share with a person. Company now and again, get my thoughts into sharing my space and being mindful of others, making effort to become just a bit more social. My issue is that my fears and worries are taking over these things and I keep changing my mind. I am actually driving myself crazy.
As mentioned I really could use some strong advice, and some different perspectives to think about. I could also use a lot of pick me up because I cannot provide it all for myself at the moment. So as many who can offer what I am asking for pertaining to my current situation, I would appreciate it. Thank you.
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19-12-2020 09:45 AM
19-12-2020 09:45 AM
Re: Need advice and perspectives
Can anybody be contribute?
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19-12-2020 02:37 PM
19-12-2020 02:37 PM
Re: Need advice and perspectives
Hello @Powderfinger
Sorry I'm just seeing this now. Moving always is stressful and a big change going from your own place to sharing so I can totally understand your concern around sharing. The new place does sound nice and having the shed means you'll have time to work on your passion which is a huge bonus. The change might be just what you need hun. Company when you want some? Worth a shot I think? Hello to your friends too. I don't know if I have them all tagged, I hope so?
Love and hugs 💞
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19-12-2020 08:19 PM
19-12-2020 08:19 PM
Re: Need advice and perspectives
I am just seeing these now. Thanks @Anastasia for the tag.
For me, I actually found living with people good in some ways. I'm a big internaliser and hide my difficulties well in real life (most time) and so living with people kind of forces me to keep myself together to a degree. I can't do some of the more
aelf destructive behaviours I would when I live alone. At least not as freely.
If you connect on any level too then you have the added bonus of company. And it sounds like you will have plenty of space when you need that.
Thinking of you
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19-12-2020 11:39 PM
19-12-2020 11:39 PM
Re: Need advice and perspectives
Hey @Powderfinger, I agree with @Anastasia and @destructive that it sounds like you've found a great space and you could have a little company sometimes maybe and also retreat if you feel like it. You can decide how much of that to do depending on how you feel each day. No pressure at all, no expectations. It might take a few days to settle in to your new home but you've got this!
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20-12-2020 02:38 AM
20-12-2020 02:38 AM
Re: Need advice and perspectives
@Anastasia @destructive @HearU
Hi all.
Myboy, thanks you for tagging everyone for me. Thanks to all for sharing your perspectives. I left to go look at the place. I was on foot for some of the way. (I do not drive, so it was part bus, part walk) Walking there was going fine until I got to a particular part and it was a massive long steep uphill road I had to walk. Today, I swear it was between 35-37 degrees here and it is only going to get hotter as the days go by. I had shorts and a shirt on. I was sweating a lot. I took a good look at the hill for some moments and went no way, not today.
I am buggered from working so much on these chairs and trying to do everything else on my own. I turned around and thought nope, I am not going to take this place. On the good news front, I have possibly made a new friend with him. He is such a lovely guy, and I thought to myself, well why not be friends if he wants to be. He would like to be friends, so that is a really good outcome to this situation.
As for going to live with people, I am just not sure about this as of yet. It really has been so long since I have lived with anybody and living alone has a lot of good benefits. I can go out, be a bit social but I get to come home and just be by myself, which is usually what I need after doing something social.
Your points were all positive and made sense. Before living by myself I shared for many many many years. Eventually, I truly got over it and just started to like living alone. You can still love with people and feel very alone too.
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20-12-2020 08:45 PM
20-12-2020 08:45 PM
Re: Need advice and perspectives
Sounds like a good outcome @Powderfinger
You probably already said but my memory is bad do you have to move out of your current place?
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20-12-2020 10:12 PM
20-12-2020 10:12 PM
Re: Need advice and perspectives
@destructive my mind is literally mush.at the present. Unfortunately.for me, yes I do. I.dont like to talk about it much, because the reasons are too much for my heart to take most of the time. Thanks for asking.
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26-12-2020 10:08 AM
26-12-2020 10:08 AM
Re: Need advice and perspectives
Sending you love @Powderfinger 🤗🎁💞
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26-12-2020 10:15 AM
26-12-2020 10:15 AM
Re: Need advice and perspectives
Right back at you @Anastasia