Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Mrsjones]

Praying for you and Mr Darcy @Former-Member 

Xx 

[Former-Member]

@Mrsjones 

How are you going? I have been thinking so much about you but was not sure where to post.

[Mrsjones]

Thank you @Former-Member
I'm not going well at all.
The grief is extremely consuming, constant tears. Just trying to take each day, moment and emotion as it comes but it's not easy.
I wish there was a process for grief... I wish I knew how long this heavy grief would last or how the new found sadness will look to me in my everyday life.
I miss him so much. He was my everything.
I know I shouldn't be thinking so far ahead but I don't know how I'm going to handle life alone with the kids, will i ever be happy again? Or will I just be this sad, grumpy, lonely women.
He was such an amazing person, such a great father. A better parent then I will ever be.... How to I top that!?

I've been reading his journals and suicide note over and over which helps. I have also been talking to him everyday... I hope he can hear me. Talking to him helps too, gets my thoughts of my chest.

I just want him back, I want to wake up from this nightmare.

[Former-Member]

@Mrsjones 

It is still early days yet, your loss has very devastating.  Please be ever so gentle with yourself. 

Are you aware of the suicide callback service that offers free counseling for those affected by suicide?  

In due course you may find this talk helpful:

https://youtube/TxSd8f2Utpk

[Mrsjones]

Thank you @Former-Member , just watched that video. Was full of great information, thank you so much. 

I've been talking with Stand By Support Service which has been great so far. I saw my GP today and will be making a appointment with a Grief Councillor tomorrow at the local hospital. I am prepared to get help so I can try keep on top of this. I am worried that this will eat me alive and I won't be able to support my family. 

It is still so surreal. I truly can't believe it. 

I want him back. 

[Determined]

@Mrsjones 

Thinking of you and praying for you here also. 

[Former-Member]

@Mrsjones 

Gently lean into the supports you have until you find your feet. Do you have family support nearby? How do you get on with the in-laws?  

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️ @Mrsjones 

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member 

Its good that the cancer was caught early.  Lets hope the whipple procedure removed all of the cancer. I'm thinking if the whipple surgery was done, then the cancer is likely confined to a small portion of the pancreas.  Whipple surgery is a major operation and comes with many risks.  But of course I dont need to tell you that. 😔

Its unfortunate that a post op infection has delayed the chemo/radiotherapy. Really hope that scans showing a possible recurrence, is in fact only a residual infection.

Mr Darcy, and you too of course, has had a really tough 5 years.  Its so unfair that you are now dealing with this latest diagnosis.  Its going to be a hard road for you both, whatever happens.  

How long ago did he have the surgery?  Yes I am aware that it is a very major and risky surgery, and little wonder a 3-month recovery period is expected.

Is the reduction of one of his psych medications for the purposes of his physical health issues?  Perhaps not compatible with a likely whole range of new meds for his illness.

I know the prognosis is poor, but you just never know.  My husband was not expected to live, only a couple of years ago, when he was at deaths door in a city hospital.  Thanks to (at the time) trial immunotherapy treatment to treat his Stage IV melanoma (metastisized to his lungs in a big way) his cancer has now been in remission for about 18 months.  Unfortunately the immunotherapy treatment itself has caused all sorts of other problems 😵 but we are trying to deal with each of those as they continue to present.  I guess I'm just saying that there are constantly new and very successful treatments being developed all the time.  Fingers crossed that the whipple procedure got all active cancer cells and that if any did escape that the chemo/radio will zap them.  But like my husband undergoing his cancer treatment, he will likely be a very sick man for a long while.  Are you nearby to a treatment centre for his ongoing therapy?  Its so hard having to travel very far when he is so sick. Plus you dont need the added hassel of having to find accommodation at any place you are not close enough to travel to.

Meanwhile, continue to find things that he enjoys and which he remains capable of doing.  Pehaps try to find a new hobby or something as well.  

Sherry 🌺🤗

[Shaz51]

sending you lots of teander hugs @Mrsjones 

been thinking of you and am soo glad you have come to say hello xoxoxo