17-05-2018 03:36 PM
I understand @marie11
Also - when it comes to BPD is it really hard to know when the behaviour is due to the disorder or bad behaviour -
That book of slights - I think I have read a page or two of that -
17-05-2018 03:55 PM
This is really tough to respond to. Its also tormenting for you in limbo as you continually get abused. My guess is you'll either stay when he agrees to do something proactive about HIS problem or you'll leave. Either way you'd be more content.
Its an ultimatum really isnt it, for you cannot go on this way surely?
So, I'd like you to hear a short story. My mother I believe has BPD. Apologies to BPD sufferers if this account hurts.
Where ever she went she left a train wreck, manipulation, disapproval of girlfriends of mine, boyfriends of my sister, using her will and our father as weapons, demonising us to relatives, stalking, undiagnosed heart attacks, dividing siblings, ruining weddings and theft. (In denial and no diagnosis ) like you the list goes on. Her need for a headline was daily.
She never got help and thats why I admire BPD sufferers that do get help.
Eventually there becomes a straw that breaks the camels back. For me it was the threat of ruining my second wedding in 2011. She ruined my first wedding in 1985
My sister and I then stopped contact. But what of the wedding? Everyone knows you cant reschedule a wedding if she turned up and began raving about me in front of guests. I had no option but to get a court order barring her presence. Those in life that have endured such treatment end up with fear, until our wedding was over I was petrified she'd turn up. But we got through it ok.
It is a very hard decision to make to disown ones mother. My sister did also. We refuse to relent because her behaviour would soon be back to the way it was.
And that's my message to you. IMO remaining and tolerating his behaviour without professional help, is not a long term option. As others here have kindly suggested further counseling is crutial to the survival of your marriage and your future.
And if it doesnt work out? It isnt the end of your world but a new beginning.
17-05-2018 08:27 PM