Lived Experience Forum

[Mountbeauty]

How do y'all make friends if you've moved on from your old friends?

[Sahara]

Hi @Mountbeauty,

it's not easy but I guess it can be done.

I moved to my current country town about 3 years ago with my husband, but we don't know anyone here. At first, I thought it would be easy finding friends because I like to join groups, do volunteer work and I love art and hanging about galleries, libraries and book groups, etc. 

I am quite shy but I don't mind getting to know people and can be very tolerant and understanding. Sometimes I am too understanding and end up keeping company with people who only want to lump all their problems onto me, but at least I am really aware of this.

Well, after only 6 months here, I got fired from my new job, then my Mum died and now my Dad is very ill. There has been so much stress in my life, that friendship got put on the back-burner for a long time. Now I am open to making new friends but I am wary... small towns can be so cliquey. 

Peolpe can be very judgemental. I don't know what you life circamstances are.... but I think people seem to judge you on everything they can!! I don't know. That is just my experience. 

Have you tried doing volunteer work @Mountbeauty? What are your interests? 

[Queenie]

Depending on where you live @Mountbeauty, you can check out websites like meetup which lists social groups with a variety of interests and locations. I've used them a couple of times to meet people, although extroverted, I am socially awkward and find making the right kind of friends difficult. 

I also find support groups a good place to meet understanding people. I go to a recovery house and participate in various support groups for mental health. It is good to meet some like-minded people, even people who understand the social awkwardness. 

I know it can be difficult, but try and put yourself out there a little and you'll soon meet people. 🙂

[eudemonism]

Hi @Mountbeauty I've thought about this scenario for along time. And have had difficulties within my friendship group for some time now. Mainly because of my attitude and my illness interfering with the dynamics. And perhaps a few judgmental things on my behalf. I wouldn't rule out your current or old friends at this stage. Maybe changing the way you deal with it would be a good start. Do you think the problems are based around boundaries and resentments? Or feeling dependant on people or depended on? I know with myself that's sort of what it comes down too.

I figure that other people are just as temperamental as me. Whether they show it or not. Is another thing. A book i was reading had a few segments on advice about friends. It's very simple but effective stuff.

I've taken the approach of. The more social options i have got. The better off I'll be. And I'm prepared to put in the time, effort and resources it takes to maintain them. And definitely going to be myself in the process. I ain't a social butterfly. And i actually function better when i know I'm focused on me and my life. And what i need and want.

I hope that has helped.

Eude

[Juro]

Hi =D ❤️