Lived Experience Forum

[eth]

  @outlander  low on words atm xx

[outlander]

@eth 💙💜

[Faith-and-Hope]

💜🌷 @eth 

[Appleblossom]

@eth 

It is really hard when close family do not get the level of struggle.  Intention tremor makes sense to me.

Hugs

Posting a distraction, which made me think of @Zoe7 

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-05-26/giant-kookaburra-built-during-lockdown/12286434?fbclid=IwAR1G... 

[Adge]

Hi @eth What you are going through (several or many things), sounds distressing for anyone.

I've been on the Public Housing Waitlist - yes you are right, it is often several year's wait (at least).

I'm sorry that you have to go through that, amongst other things.

I had to go into private rental in the meantime (despite cost), as the wait was too long - otherwise I was homeless.

All the best with everything.

Adge

[eth]

Thanks for your support @Adge @Appleblossom @Faith-and-Hope @outlander 

Very much appreciated.  

Hope today is going smoothly for you xx

[Appleblossom]

I am upset that so much land and housing is not going to the needy but to the pursuits of development companies ...

Tis best to think forward positively for yourself and keep your siblings role as a brother.  Lines of dependency can get tricky.  You can work it out.  Have faith in you, rather than family at this point.  They still can be there later.

@eth 

[eth]

I really appreciate what you've said @Appleblossom  and agree on both counts.  Yesterday had another major situation with bro having a strong negative reaction to my psychiatrist's latest progress report.  She wrote about how the longer I don't go out for the  more likely agoraphobia will get worse, going out independently will be harder, mood swings happening more often, and that not being able to do things independent of family is reducing my sense of 'agency'.  Unfortunately she also mentioned how family are seeing friends and going out but discouraging me to do so too.  That they see me as the highest risk of getting covid and having the worst of symptoms requiring alternative care and therefor discourage me from getting out at all.  Ultimately what bro was saying that they (bro and sil, who also was upset about the report) will not be my jailers and that if I think my mental health is getting worse by being here I know where the door is and I should just leave.  And that I've been 'painting myself as a victim' and .... etc.  I was so upset that I found it hard to speak - flooded with feelings and my throat actually constricts when I get that way, and crying. For the 2nd time this week.  I retreated depressed last night and postponed cooking to share with them which I usually do on a Thursday night.  But this morning they are both friendly and bro even said that if I want to find the right way to get out with a support worker instead of them then I should go ahead and do it.  So that's a positive outcome thank goodness from a horrible interaction and couple of days.  They are going to their farm today so at least I have a couple of days hanging by myself.  I think we need time apart having been mostly at home together since mid March.  And that some of the short fuses lately are related to covid restrictions.  

My new psychologist just cancelled our 1st appointment that was meant to happen today - just to top everything.  I was really looking forward to it as my other psychologist left (unwell) back in March and I was seeing her most weeks for over 3 years.  New one says she will reschedule but has to pick up a sick child now - so it can't be helped, not her fault, but still has an effect on me.

Also when at the chemist yesterday there was a junkie swearing at the chemist and she told him to go away, which flared him up a whole lot more and he was blocking the only exit and going off so I was stuck in there and having a PTSD flight/freeze/flood response.  In tears twice before I managed to get out of there.  My bro was waiting outside for me at least, but that didn't help what happened in the shop.

Tagging @Adge @Faith-and-Hope @outlander @TAB @Former-Member  @Appleblossom and anyone I've missed who has been supporting me lately.  Also  @frog @Shaz51 @CheerBear @Zoe7 @greenpea @Jupiter 

I'm very grateful.  I've been journalling a lot but writing here is very helpful too, especially when people respond.  

I haven't been able to support others much lately which I apologise for, but I've just had too much to deal with offline.

Take care all xx

Tagging new community guides here too so you might get to know me a bit better.  Please tag me into any of your personal threads so I can do likewise.  I'll be around a bit tomorrow, particularly on the Saturday Soiree - all welcome!!  thread if anyone wants to hang out together and meet some new people.

@Snowie @NatureLover @Maggie @dhr53 @WriterMelb @Got_the_tshirt @BPDSurvivor @Judi9877 @Flying_Hams @jem80 @Dadcaringalone @Jay-e 

[TAB]

gee thats rough @eth  sorry to hear that

[Flying_Hams]

I hope your family reading the report have had a bit of a lesson though @eth
Sometimes people repsond like that when they are told in no uncertain terms.
But I think it's good that they also mentioned a support worker. Agorophobia is hard isn't it.
It sounds like you are doing somethings to get better, small steps are so crucial. I remember a time when I never wanted to leave the house due to crippling depression and anxiety. I wasn't agorophobic but i had bad social anxiety. These days it doesn't come as much, only in very specific circumstances with certain people and on certain topics (for example when I see an old friend of mine from a few years back and he always asks me about my relationship status). But I soon learned that not everyone is like that 1 person.

These days I talk to many people. Even barristas. To the point where I know their name and sometimes say thanks in their language.

I also empathise with you about the family side of things - there are lot of skeletons in the closet in my family and not just the 4 of us who live here in this house... i mean in extended family.

You my friend do sound a bit better which is good news. I always enjoy your updates. Happy to see you about.

Keep on keeping on.

- Hams