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Former-Member
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Child Loss & MH

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85 REPLIES 85
Former-Member
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Re: Child Loss & MH


This thread is inspired by @Chill_Out, (new member to saneforums - who lost her precious baby girl to stillbirth only 4months ago), for myself who lost pregnancies and my teenage girl at 13 to asthma, and to all out there who have lost a child. Be it to miscarriage, stillbirth, baby, toddler, childhood, teenager, young adult, adults... Bo doubt the pain we share, while different, yet the same. That gut wrenching anguish we live each day in trying to get our heads around the unthinkable future without our children.

We can become dangerously isolated when nobody in our circle understands. But how can they understand, or know, accept those of us who live it? We feel lost, adrift at sea. We long for people to understand, but they cannot, and we would never wish it on them. We hate that our existence makes them uncomfortable. Though we most desperately need their love, stability, most cannot help but distance from us, even leave us. They can't handle it.

BUT WE DO HAVE EACH OTHER 🔅 - those of us who have been there - and we are many. We know the earth shattering brokenness - we have the empathy, and eventually, compassionate friendship that brings healing.

Together we can! ❤❤❤
Former-Member
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Re: Child Loss & MH

@Chill_Out, Oct_31,IntroThread
Hi 😁 I'm here to connect with others that have similar circumstances to me, I am currently experiencing debilitating panic attacks since the death of my baby daughter in late June this year. I've always suffered with anxiety, social phobia, panic disorder, recently developed PTSD.
Three random facts about me -
1) I grew up on a farm
2) I love to make crafts
3) I got married in Thailand when my husband and I eloped in 2014

Sans91, Oct_31
Hi there (waving across forums) Chill_Out. Welcome to the forums. I'm so very sorry about the loss of your baby girl. There's lots of different threads to get involved in, or create your own. Take care hun

CheerBear, Nov_1
Hi Chill_Out ☺ It's nice to 'meet' you. I too am very sorry to hear of the loss of your baby daughter. It's really great to see you here and wanting to connect with others. There are a number of people around who have experienced incredible loss, including that which comes with losing a child. As Sans911 mentioned, there are a few ways to begin to connect here. One would be to start a thread and write about your experiences. Another is to jump in and say hi wherever you'd like. A good place to start is the 'Good morning' thread (which is often active throughout the day) or a chat thread like this one here.
What is your favourite craft to make? I ask because I love making crafty anythings! I also have PTSD, and anxiety, and experience panic attacks. Getting crafty is something I find soothing and distracting (most of the time) ☺ Also, if you'd like to reply to someone you can place the @ symbol in front of their name and you'll tag them.
Again nice to meet you, and I hope you find the forum helpful ☺

Faith-and-Hope, Nov_1
Chill_Out, welcome to the forums...
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby girl ...... I can't imagine how hard that would be, but I am hearing you ...... and others here have suffered the loss of a child so they absolutely understand what you are going through in their own way ......
We have a lot of arty and crafty people here, and others who live on farms. Soul is writing in from Thailand at the moment and many others, including some of the moderators, have visited Thailand and live it there ......
I am glad you found us here, and hope you feel settled in quickly amongst us. Here to sit with you, walk with you, and happy to chat about almost anything ......

Chill_Out, Nov_4
Hi @Faith-and-Hope! Thank you so very much for your kind and caring message, much appreciated 🙂 thank you for taking the time to tell me be about others on the site, wow writing in from Thailand sounds very exciting! thank you for the warm welcome!
xox

@Chill_Out, Nov_4
Hi there @CheerBear ❤ such a cute name! Thanking you for the lovely, caring message you sent to me! It is very nice to 'meet' you too! ☺
thank you for the tips and advice on navigating my way around in the Sane community! It will come in very handy 🙂
Yes i love to make crafts! Whilst I was pregnant i enjoyed making a lovely big dream catcher for my baby, also i made a baby mobile which was to hang over her cot! I really enjoyed making these items, but another favourite is card making, also painting and decorating photo albums, frames.
What kind of crafts do you enjoy making? I find it to be realaxing also.
🙂

Chill_Out, Nov_4
Aww thank you CheerBear ☺
thank you for thinking of me! ☺
OOh i never did try my hand at crochet, because as a child I found knitting rather tricky! haha I would "lose the stitches" ☺ My Mum taught me to knit at around age 8..haha...My sister can crochet but I didnt get the knack! ☺
Are you making anything currently? Do you also knit? ☺
My weeked has been good so far thank you, however I have shingles! I thought it was insect bites that then spread into large swelling, so then a little worried I then visited the Dr who diagnosed the shingles!
How is your weekend going?

CheerBear, Nov_4
I'll head over to the good morning thread to keep chatting there as I just saw you posted there Chill_Out 😊 Catch you in a moment.
Former-Member
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Re: Child Loss & MH


Chill_Out, Nov_4,MorningThread:
Hi there everyone! Just a little intro, I recently lost my baby daughter who passed away in June this year. She was stillborn at 41 weeks gestation. Since then I've developed PTSD symptoms,
I have always had general anxiety/social anxiety with panic attacks but this has become 'out of control' (exacerbated) since the death of my daughter. She was my first baby.
I am sorry to share this news with you all, but i join you here at Sane to connect with others who may be experiencing similar. I look very much forward to "meeting" with you. Thanks for reading! ☺❤❤

Phoenix_Rising, Nov_4
Hi Chill_Out, I am on my way to bed, but I wanted to say hello to you before I go. I'm so terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. I can't begin to imagine how painful that loss must be for you. I hope you are able to feel well supported here in Forum Land.

Lapses, Nov_5
Hi Chill_Out, I'm so very sorry you lost your baby girl, this is soooooo hard 💓. I've lost 2 pregnancies & lost my only girl (at 13) a few years back - nearly k#lled me. Well, I didn't cope at all - but survived the worst now.
I'd love to connect with you more. As would others here. Its a very hard isolating journey. But together we get through.
Maybe - could you start a new discussion thread perhaps? Maybe call it 'Losing a Child & MH' (or something better), and tag me. Or I can start it for you?
I'll look for you. Love to get to know you. With all my heart I wish you strength to endure.
Also, in the Search bar - type Grief & there's old threads that may help.
And do you know 'The Compassionate Friends' ? (a life saving org for me):
compassionatefriendsqld.org.au
compassionatefriendsvictoria.org.au
Hugzz-n-Hugzz 💜💜💜

Chill_Out, Nov_5
Hi there Lapses ☺
Thank you so much for reaching out to me and for also sharing your story with me! I really appreciate that, very much.
Thank you for your condolences for my baby, and I am very saddened to hear of your losses, including that of your teenage daughter 😞 I cannot begin to imagine how hard it must be for you. ❤
You're right in the fact that it is a rather isolating and lonely journey. Coming to forums like this I hope to find some conections to make this feeling not so overwhelming.
I really like your idea of creating a child loss forum. I have heard of the passionate friends group, although have not used to them myself. Because I lost a baby, the hospital connected us with groups such as SANDS which is especially for stillborns and neonatal loss. I have attended a support meeting straight after my loss, which was very hard, perhaps a little too soon for me.
I look forward to hearing from you again! ❤

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Child Loss & MH

Hi @Chill_Out, and others I've quoted here. I hope you don't mind my bringing it all together as a good start to help others in pain find their wings. Child loss is very specific, and I hope others join in ❤❤❤❤

Re: Child Loss & MH

Hi @Former-Member

 

Thanks for setting this up - I imagine this will be helpful to many people as well as @Chill_Out - I am hoping so

 

You are most welcome @Chill_Out - losing your baby has to be devastating - there was a life and you had every expectation and that life is gone -

 

I had several miscarriages and often wonder where those lives went - sometimes I think I could imagine forever that way

 

My son died when he was a teenager - and I remember the first year and more of that loss as traumatic - as the years pass it becomes less so - that I can assure you - but nevertheless that loss will be with you forever and it is an honour to grieve those we have lost - that's what I believe anyway

 

I am glad you have found us - you can be very open here because it is entirely anonymous and I do hope you share your thoughts here as you pass through the dark times

 

Bless you

 

Dec

Re: Child Loss & MH

@Former-Member Thank you for this thread. I know this was the hardest thing I have ever been through when our son was still bourne it took me a long time to feel normalish again and I still think about it a lot. For me it was 22 years ago we had a prety much perfect pregancy untill we went to hospital at 39 1/2 weeks with my wife in labour. They put the doppler on my wife and could not find anything. That was the how we found out I still cry thinking about it.

Former-Member
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Re: Child Loss & MH

Hi @Owlunar, glad you found us ☺ was gonna tag you soon if ya hadn't. We need to know we can survive as long as you have done, what is it now? 30yrs?


Several miscarriages must have been so hard Dec.  x2 was enough for me, my first major depressive episode & hospital admission occurred after the 2nd one (4months).  I too "imagine forever" where they'd be today, but know they're soul is  in heaven. And your son, so tragic.

Yes, that first year or two is by far the worst, so traumatic. I'm in my 6th year of loosing my beautiful teen girl - I have settled on the inside a lot but I think too - we just get use to it. Maybe finally accepting that all the love & grieving in the world doesn't bring them back. Oh I wish it could.


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I'm not sure @Chill_Out receives notifications here but I'll chase her up. Thanks Dec 💜💜💜

Former-Member
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Re: Child Loss & MH

Hi @Ant7, Sorry you lost your little son, its so unfair. Thank you for joining in here. I'm sure you can be a comfort for @Chlll_Out's similar loss.

You said:
"this was the hardest thing I have ever been through"

"it took me a long time to feel normalish again"

" I still think about it a lot (22yrs later)

"perfect pregancy untill labour at 39 1/2 weeks, they put the doppler on my wife and could not find anything. That was the how we found out"

"I still cry thinking about it"

Oh Ant7, I'm tearing up with you. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. And what a shock that moment must have been.

Did you have to help your wife through the labour? That would be so hard knowing 😞

22yrs back they would have let you nurse him hopefully. Did you? Were you glad to have that moment? or do you think its made things harder? I use to be a midwife and often wondered about this.

Don't feel you have to answer questions if too hard. I understand.

Stay strong brother 💜💜💜

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You are very brave telling your story.
💜💜💜

Re: Child Loss & MH

Hi @Ant7

 

I am sorry to hear about the still-birth of your baby son 22 years ago - my thoughts and prayers for you and your wife about this - 22 years sounds like a long time but it does pass and the years continue to pass and there are days when the loss can be as fresh as the day it happened

 

It's past  31 years for my son @Former-Member and Ant - it gets easier but right now his 48th birthday is approaching and he is not a man in middle-age but a boy with acne - a troubled, beautiful and lost young man/boy - 

 

We never forget - and Lapses - I do hope that @Chill_Out comes back and finds this - being a bereaved parent is not a group of people anyone wants to belong to but here we are - and it is good that we find each other because we can support each other when things get hard - and I do believe that we will feel the loss for all your lives - it becomes part of us - but the days are not always hard nor do all the memories haunt us

 

We had the expectations - and they were dashed - for those who have miscarried or have still-born infants - even neo-natal death - have all lost their dreams of that life - those of us with children who have lived longer have memories - 

 

But we have this in common - we have learned though out experiences - and what has happened makes us into better people

 

Dec

 

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