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Re: Depressed partner pushed me out of his life

Hey @Charlierose 

 

I understand how hard that would’ve been but it was definitely the right decision to make. You can’t  move on when you’re still living with him. Now is definitely the time to take care of yourself! Cry as much as you want, try to exercise daily, write in a journal and eat well. These are little things but in our situations they are little steps in the right direction. 

 

A quick background on my relationship. I was with my ex for almost a year. We had an amazing relationship, had travelled overseas together and planned on moving in together next month. He told me I was his soul mate and broke up with me 48 hours later..no warning, no consideration to my feelings and his reasoning was that he needed to be alone for 6-12 months to work on himself and get his mental health right. He told me he decided to breakup with me in a ‘switch of emotions’. He tried blaming things on me and when I pointed out his flaws his reply was ‘well you’re just a better person than me then..’  I have been absolutely devastated and heart broken. He asked for no contact instantly, a year long relationship ended after a 10 minute talk. I messaged him the day after the breakup because I was so shocked and I got a cold unemotional reply.

 

It’s 9 weeks tomorrow since my breakup and a lot has changed from when the breakup happened. Firstly no contact is the best option. The first two weeks without talking felt like I’d lost my own arms but I realised very slowly that it actually gave me time to assess the relationship as well. I was able to see for the first time how the love and openness in the relationship was all one sided. How he was actually incredibly selfish and manipulated my feelings and emotions because he was depending on them for his own happiness. He admitted to lying by saying he said things to make me happy. He is also a coward who runs away as soon as the relationship gets difficult. He did it twice in his previous relationship. 

 

I told my ex that I will not wait for him after he sorts himself out. None of us should be waiting around for a partner who can kick us out of their lives in an instant! We all deserve someone who will give us unconditional love and support. How could we ever trust them again after the way they’ve treated us? There’s nothing stopping them walking out of our lives again if we took them back. We need strong partners who are willing to fight through thick and thin for us! 

 

In in terms of emotions, I am beginning to have more good days a week than bad days. Today isn’t the greatest day, I was out last night and bumped into an old friend from uni. She asked me about my ex and when I told her we broke up she exclaimed how perfect we were together and how she thought we’d get married. I completely understand the innocence and shock in the comments but they hit hard because I used to think I was going to marry my ex one day too.  I have a lot of anger and resentment towards how my ex treated me too. A lot of you mentioned how your ex’s didn’t show any consideration for your feelings even though they said they love you, this is exactly what happened to me too. It absolutely messes with my head how he could treat me like this. I hate him for breaking me. 

 

I hope you all managed to have a good weekend overall. 

Re: Depressed partner pushed me out of his life

Following on from this morning, I sent a text and he hasn’t blocked me and he responded immediately. I responded back and ended it with ‘thanks again.’ So he doesn’t need to respond back now.

 

you are spot on with what you have said confused. As much as I still love my ex. I don’t know what his feelings are. They’ve become a shell and don’t know what true love is when they are like this. You really do need to focus on yourself. I can’t stress this enough. Just like I can’t express no contact enough. I did it for 6 week, I’ll initiate it again today, until I send my email to him after answers.

 

They need no contact as well so they can concentrate on themselves. I think we need to give them that. 

Re: Depressed partner pushed me out of his life

Yep, I am unblocked on Facebook. He unfriended a mutual friend of ours. He revealed his struggles to us both and we both supported him a lot last year. It’s just bizarre. I don’t get it. She’s absolutely lovely and he thought the world of her. She just got engaged and been traveling. She doesn’t seem to care as she said that he clearly has issues. 

Re: Depressed partner pushed me out of his life

So I finally sent my email. His reaction was strange. He deleted all our female mutual friends. No response from him, which doesn’t surprise me as he is a runner.

Re: Depressed partner pushed me out of his life

I understand your torment. I feel like I am in the mdidle of a similar process with my husband pushing me away. I want to support him but he keeps leaving for timeout when he can't cope. When he's not there it concerns me if he's OK or not. He keeps up some minor communication some days but life is like a rollercoaster. We've been together for 5 yrs but married only 18mths and it has been a very challenging last 13 months. When he's feelign good life is nearly perfect he's affectionate, kind, thoughtful, smart when he's down he's almost bipolar and lies and pushes me away with his words and actions. It's very sad for myself and my kids to try and be there for him. But then almost hide or leave the house to give him quiet space at home

 

I love him dearly and want to be there to support him, back off when neede. Sometimes it feels like the harder I try to hold on to our relationship and help him, the more he pushes me away.  When he's on the steep rollercoaster going down it's shocking. I dont understand how the depression work, if he can still function and focus on his hectic work how or jump on a bike for 60km ride for 3hrs be so down after sleeping for 16hrs straight. I see his pain is his body and tiredness.

 

 

Re: Depressed partner pushed me out of his life

I don’t know how it works either. It’s gotten me really confused. The more you push, the more they retreat.

 

i actually had depression and i didn’t behave in this way. So it’s interesting to see how people react differently to it.

Re: Depressed partner pushed me out of his life

Just a little update.

I don’t know if it’s the weather or what but my anxiety was a bit bad today.

My ex has retreated further. I updated my new job and workplace on LinkedIn over the last week and my ex removed our connection. He never posts on there and I like stuff a couple of times a month so I find it strange. The last place I can think of online where he can either block or unfriend me. i find it a little upsetting. I would have wanted a friendship with him but that’s clearly not something he feels he can do at the moment.

I have come to realise that all these actions are all him and where he is at. He can’t seem to face anything that involves me. I know he can’t handle situations when he is anxious, so perhaps the guilt of his actions towards me during the break up gets too much for him. It just surprises me that he feels he needs to distance himself so far away from me. I would do anything to help him, and I have in the past. I am disappointed that he could have discarded me so easily.

I just have to hope that he is getting the help that he needs. I know it will take a while for him to get better so I have to move on. Others have said that he might come back when he is better but I might contact him in a few months time to see how he is going and see if he is up for a friendship with me.

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