Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

@Faith-and-Hope  saw this and thought of you.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thank you @Former-Member  .... that means a lot .... and it sounds like a mantra you endeavour to have guide you too ..... 💜🌷

[Faith-and-Hope]

I don't want to say much more just now, but s2bx is leaving tonight on a plane.  Going far and away, for the foreseeable future.

🎉🎉🎉🙏

Things are not nearly over yet, so the fallout and damage of our situation continues, but no longer with him, or her, in our living complex.

[Corny]

A huge weight off your shoulders Faith. I couldn’t stand the sight of him if I was in your position, let alone having to see him all the time with his new caregiver, cos that’s what she is. People with NPD disintegrate without someone to care for them. All they need is a cross between a wet nurse, a servant and a compliant employee.

You have been unwavering all along in charging ahead with your new chapter. There will still be a lot of hurt to work through but you have my total respect.

If you’ve been together for 30 years you must be in your 50s or 60s……most people don’t split up if they make it that far, they can’t be bothered, burying your head in the sand is a lot easier. Mainly they don’t want to split finances, they can still privately sleep in separate bedrooms and eat dinner in silence, bicker every day and publicly save face while seething with resentment inside. There’s been a lot of breakups during Covid.

I hope in time that you experience moments of peace.

C.

[Faith-and-Hope]

He intended to leave without splitting the finances @Corny.  I have held him to task, and he has been appalling, as is his kind ...... which I didn't know he was before he left.  I believed in him, and that he was "simply" ill with addictions, which could be treated.  Now I know what it is that drives him I understand that that was an NPD injury ..... to question his obsessions - a betrayal in his mind, which he repaid with his own.  My challenge is to stay the course, then rise above the outcomes.

[Faith-and-Hope]

[Corny]

That doesn’t shock me in the slightest @Faith-and-Hope  a textbook move really, but devastating for you. It will be a process for you, you will feel so stupid for a long time and some of the anger that makes your blood boil is anger at yourself. But it is just evidence that you are not on the NPD spectrum nor have any traits, and you are wired completely differently. It sucks to be a sincere person, and it has taken me 13 years of therapy to be able to not pursue friendships or any type of relationship with inherently selfish people. It’s only been through therapy that I have come to understand that I keep repeating the same patterns and attracting ego-maniacs, users, takers that are incapable of being considerate. I hope that you have someone to talk to. You have a strong foundation of childhood love that will really propel you forward. The people that stay in these relationships have traits themselves, especially when under ego threat or want money and social status. Money brings out the real side in people. He probably would have got away with it earlier if it wasn’t for Covid. My father’s sister did a similar thing with his estate and there was nothing we could do, 3 years of legal bills later we just had to accept that we got $0.00. He has a new wet-nurse now, that is her problem. They’re aren’t young, but they’re not old either, and thankfully you don’t have to grow old with him, cos’ I’m telling you now that personality traits get worse with age as bitterness sets in.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Yeah @Corny ...... that is something I am sooooo thankful for now I know the nature of it all.  Also thankful that his former workaholism spared us a lot of grief, as much as it also left me holding all the babies ...... but that was part of the blessing, I can see now.  Just hoping that they all emerge from this on the okay side of things.

Hoping you're on the okay side of things, or at least on that pathway ...... 💞

[Shaz51]

Hugs @Faith-and-Hope 

[Corny]

I would be thankful for that too. You don't have to look after him in your old age, it would have been hideous.

What saddens me for you and your cubs is how protracted this process will be. Sustained stress is what leads to breakdowns.

My head would be spinning with ‘I wonder ifs’……I would be wondering about the timing, if this had happened when the kids were younger he would have had less options in trying to take all the money. They’re adults now and not dependents. Your kids must be very upset.

It would be a nightmare legally. I am assuming there would be a lot of loop-holes in international law and overseas bank accounts he could manipulate.

You must be turned off relationships forever, I would never trust again, there's only so much self-centred evil & deception one can cope with in one lifetime. There's a lot of people in your shoes during this pandemic, they're either breaking up or coming out of the closet, I guess they are reassessing their lives now there is so much death and illness all around us and don't want to die miserable. I hope you find some of them and have someone to talk to in real life who's going through something similar, where it is more private.

cc