Lived Experience Forum

[Colin]

I am new here and I dont know if this where I should be talking. I dont even know for sure if I am here doing this or is it my mind being taken over again.

I have headaches all the time and struggle to keep things in the reality world. I am losing control.

I am very sad most of the time and become emotional to the point of tears and cannot speak.

I have a special power, (gift) that allows me to travel to the moon if I want by leaving my head.

Problem is that I think someone climbed inside it when I was gone and wont leave me alone.

I hear him mocking me but cannot make out the words. Sometimes he stares at me with an evil grin from the sky but my wife cannot see him and just says its the clouds. I agree with her so she dose not worry. I know someone is going to harm me if I let my guard down. I have constant memory losses that can last for minutes/hours or a full day. When my memory comes back I am lost because I dont know where I am or what I have done. True I have been an alcoholic for the last few years but I have cut back to normal social drinking thanks to a councillor. I thought the alcohol was making me insane but I have been almost completely dry now for nearly 2 months. Things are getting worse by the day and I cannot go on much longer. I need it all to end by whatever means.

I constantly think of suicide but will not go through with it as I have people who need me.

I feel useless. My wife worries when I go out because she worries I will get lost again.

I hate my life. Has anyone ever been where I am?. Are you still there?. Can you help?

I hope I am really here sending this.

My head is hurting and feels like its about to exlode.

[Otter]

Hi Colin,

Thanks so much for joining the forums and sharing what is happening for you today. I'm just going to drop you an email welcoming you and explaining that we totally support you here at the SANE forums team and just making doubly sure that you are okay this afternoon. Enjoy your visits to the SANE forums and remember that we care deeply for your safety and are here to be with you through this.

Kindest regards,

Otter

[greenpea]

@Colin  Hey Colin welcome to the forums :). Have you got a good support network of doctors (including psychiatrist and psychologist), family etc. Have been in a similar situation and medications and therapy really helped/helps me get on top of things. You are definitely not alone. greenpeax

[Colin]

Hi

I have an appointment at a hospitals mental health department on Friday..

Hope they can sort me out

I need to stop the noises and get my life back..

Tks

[greenpea]

@Colin  Hi Colin how did it go at the hospital? Also if you want to talk with someone put a @infront of their  name like I did for you then they will get a message re your post. Take care.greenpeax

[Colin]

Hospital appointment is Friday (Tomorrow).

Hope they can do something for me. Only just holding it together...I think I am losing it and only just have a small amount of control left.....I feel sick

[Amour_Et_Psyché]

Hi @Colin 

I'm sorry you are feeling so out of control at the moment.  I just wanted to let you know that I have sent you a check-in email.

Please look after yourself as best you can.

Kindest Regards,

Amour_Et_Psyché

[Colin]

Went to hospital on Friday for an assessment.

I dont think the nurse really understood how I felt or cared much.

He is preparing a report for a specialist doctor for me and have been told to expect a call with a view to another appointment this week sometime.

No help offerred in the meantime except an emergency number to hand to my wife if she gets too worried. 

What do I do in the meantime?........This is taking too long.......I am losing it.......

[greenpea]

@Colin Hi Colin I have been through the public system and private and hands down the private was leaps and bounds ahead imho re doctors. If you can get to your gp and have a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist that would be a good start.

[Colin]

 Woke up with bruises I cannot explain or remember.