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Re: The pain within

@Serenity1 @Good morning. Hope you feel better . May be small steps. I find there was reasons that I kept having breakdowns. Then I started seeing a psychologist to work on some deep stuff. I am getting better but still feel quite lost.

 

May be try to get some professional support. I find my psychologist helps since he has been on board.

Hope you will have a good day.

Take care.

 

 

Re: The pain within

@eudemonism  Good morning. Thanks for post. I think you are quite right. The situation you are in is not your fault. You have tried your best to take responsibilities for yourself and what is yours. External forces cause sickness and vulnerability on good people. But we can draw strength from our downfalls and work towards the good and better life.

 

I am glad you are turning your thinking a bit. Hope you will soon find meaning and direction to a better,happier and more fulfilled life.

I am feeling a bit lost at the moment. It may take some time. I have been facing the insights of my dysfunctional family. I will need to seek a way out somehow.

 

Wish you a great day. Take care.

Re: The pain within

Thanks- I was seeing a psychologist last year for four sessions before the year ended- then She changed from bulk billing to pay upfront & get back on Medicare - which I don't think I can find that money upfront & if I did ten sessions is definitely not going to do much good- infact it will probably do worse- by pulling childhood trauma up & then run out of sessions before being able to work through it all - IV been seeing a counsellor this year up to my sixth session & I just don't think she is the right person for me- I feel I am way too broken for her to be able to help- & our sessions have been wasted- but she bulk bills -I have been speaking about my daughters school problems with her so have not had a chance to even focus on myself- I really feel I am too broken to fix & don't have the resources to get the therapy I need because my agoraphobia prevents me from working to pay for the sessions I need to recover. So I don't know what to do @Meowmy thanks- you have a good day yourself 💖🌺

Re: The pain within

@Serenity1 I think go gentle on yourself. Childhood traumas are very intense and dangerous. I had to face them because I kept having psychotic breakdowns. Take easy.

Re: The pain within

@Meowmy i tend to think that my symptoms are tell tale signs of the truth. And there's alot of hurt and pain that's been caused to me by people whom were supposed to be friends and family.

Unless I'm to magically find new friends and a new family. My only option is to face this pain and hurt. Which I'm reliving on a regular basis... through my symptoms... which i believe to be tell tale signs of the truth about the reality of my life and relationships in all past, present and future tenses...

+ it comes with the element of trying to avoid, counteract and defuse this pain and hurt... and yea... I'm burned out... i don't think i can do anymore... and i have a great deal of trouble managing the amount of distress it causes me (when I'm alone and yearning for my needs as a human being ~ in particular social needs...) partner needs...)

It's legit pain and hurt. Through the form of 'symptoms ' symptoms which are tell tale signs of the truth... so literally blaming the problem on mental illness and saying the solution is medication... just gives me bigger problems/more pain and hurt to deal with...

Re: The pain within

@eudemonism The mental illness in the form of chronic psychosis means the brain has set imbalances of chemicals induced by trauma and stresses. Medication is to protect the brain from further damage,harm and dysfunction.

Symptoms are expressions of internal emotional upsets manifested in form of brain dysfunction.

So while medication helps to keep the physical brain protected. You, we are the ones to resolve the real issues, with our family and friends. To find real meaning to our lives and days.

It is very hard for us, who had been traumatized. But most ,if not all people have some sad circumstances to work through. Their physical dysfunction may manifest as high blood pressure, stroke, cancer, so on.

I hope you will find peace with your family and friends and be healed with your symptoms of MI.

Re: The pain within

@MeowmyThanks for your explanation about brain dysfunction, chemical imbalance and medication...

I gotta remind myself to take some time out, do some breathing techniques, get my thoughts right, find the solution and away forward... get some positive thoughts going... notice the negative thinking patterns... work on peace and healing with friends and family...

Re: The pain within

@eudemonism @Serenity1 Hello, hope you are traveling well. I am working on my pains within, the worst one, the sufferings, manipulation and betrayal and controlling mother.

 

Reflect on my own character faults and weaknesses. I feel a bit helpless to make myself better. I think those traits are inborn and hard to change. But with support and care of the forum, I can may be slowly, gently get a bit better and stronger.

Re: The pain within

Hi @Meowmy - how are you going? I can relate! You have expressed in your first paragraph exactly how I feel- please share more of your story if you feel comfortable-
I don't think those traits are inborn- I just think they are a result of being abused by the one person in the world you are supposed to be able to rely on unconditionally-
I don't know if they can ever be fixed for me- I feel Un fixable
- I feel completely stuck in my situation- agoraphobia flaring up to unbearable levels-
I need to get out of this rental property but I can't even function at the moment so don't like my chances of finding or being given a new rental house.
-the reason I need to get out of this place I can't manage the garden it is way to big for me & too expensive-I cut trees back yesterday & injured my neck so badly I have been in bed all day crying in so much pain- now anybody outside can see through our picket fence- as it has gaps in it- not helping my agoraphobia at all! No privacy what so ever!
- my abusive father txt me first thing Sunday morning "happy Easter"- we had spoken earlier in the week & he was wanting to see my daughter & I Sunday- but during that earlier phone call I was crying & breaking down to him - no compassion was given to me from my father, as per usual- infact he changed the subject & then ended the call-
So I didn't feel like seeing him on Sunday- if he has no caring for my feelings or mental health- why should I visit him- he makes me feel bad- I suggested meeting on another day this week- he did not reply- now I feel guilty- same old pattern we always play out- do I put someone who clearly doesn't care about me first & do what makes him happy but me miserable- or do I put myself first & then feel guilty? I honestly could not have gone through with it anyway- my head does not feel right- I don't feel ok.
It doesn't help he has been diagnosed with leukaemia & I don't know how long he has left adding to my guilt.
I feel like I'm letting my daughter down in every single way possible-& honestly at this point think she would be better of without me -
Anyway sorry for blurting all that out- caught me at a serious low point-
Hope you are going well & thanks for the tag 💖🌺

Re: The pain within

@Serenity1 Sorry to hear your hurt. Hope you will feel better soon. Like you, I had unkind, totally controlling parents. It took a long time and mental breakdowns to work through the pains. I am learning, with support of the forums, to nurture myself into a bit more confident, stronger person.

 

I hope you find the forum supportive.

Take care.

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