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merri
Contributor

elderly mother recently diagnosed as bipolar

Hi, I am new to this group and I have joined to seek some help in how to cope with my mum. My mother has always had mood swings but they have become very intense in the last five years. She is 91 and completely denies she is bipolar - all her life she has said she has low blood sugar and/or high blood pressure and says these are the reasons for her "collapses". It was only after several hospital visits where the doctor informed us her blood sugar levels and blood pressure levels were normal that we began to consider other issues. My husband and I had thought for a while that she was bi-polar but were made to feel guilty for even thinking there may be a mental health issue. The last five years have been exhausting as we have dealt with one crisis after another - in 2014 she had to shift house and was very unhappy with what we chose - she wasn't able to make a decision so in the end we did. Since then she has had manic episodes and chronic anxiety with barely any normal time in between. She creates legal and financial messes which have taken a long time for me to clear up. In the process, she has also become vicious, to my face and behind my back to my brother, (who lives overseas) her friends and her cousin. I was POA then unbeknown to me she took me off, she put me back on after she was scammed by a real estate agent, then she took me off again when she was involuntarily committed by a dr. She has since asked to put me back on again after falling out with her cousin. My mother can be very charismatic and charming - if things go her way, so it has been really difficult to have her behaviour addressed. I finally got her to her GP who realised whe was manic but she has since sacked him. She is currently in a private psych ward after where she was staying could no longer handle her and her psychiatrist there told me she was bipolar. I find it difficult to get information as she has removed me as next of kin. I am concerned about her welfare - she is 91 and when not manic can get very depressed - and I visit weekly. However these visits take me a long time to get over and she can be manipulative and nasty - I no longer feel safe seeing her on my own. It is disconcerting that she can then be charming to a nurse or to my brother on a phonecall. Unless anyone has a long association with her and sees the full picture, they generally think my mother is "great" and perhaps a bit bohemian.  I am seeing Carer's Victoria and they have been a great help. I have come to this forum seeking guidance on how to go forward given her age and frailty versus my ability to have some peace and a normal life. Is there a support group for family members of bipolar sufferers - I live in Melbourne and I think that might help me feel not so alone in all of this.

19 REPLIES 19

Re: elderly mother recently diagnosed as bipolar

Hi @merri and welcome to the Forums 🙂 I'm one of the Moderators here. 

It sounds like you have been experiencing a lot with your mother's mood swings, particularly over the last 5 years. I can imagine that supporting your mother through many crises and managing her legal and financial matters must be extremely tiring and at times overwhelming. I suppose the fact that your mother denies having bipolar and may be reluctant having treatment is an added difficulty.

I'm sorry that your mum acts nastily and manipulatively when you visit - it must be tough feeling as though you can no longer visit her on your own.

It is great that you are finding Carers Victoria helpful and that you want to connect with other people who have or may be experiencing a similar situation to yours. There are support groups run for people experiencing bipolar, as well as their carers. Bipolar Life offer support groups in Melbourne that you may like to check out here. You might also like to check out this website - I just found it after a quick search online and it lists a variety of potentially relevant support groups around Australia that you might like to investigate further. There are some in Melbourne.

There are other members on the Forums who are carers of a loved with bipolar and I hope that they are able to provide you with further insight into their experiences as well as support you. One thread created by a member whose mother also has a diagnosis of bipolar can be found here, if you're interested in reading. On our website we have a bunch of resources on Bipolar that may also be helpful and can be found here.

I hope this is a bit of a start for you merri and I hope that you find the support that you are looking for here on the Forums and at support groups. Thanks again for reaching out 🙂

Re: elderly mother recently diagnosed as bipolar

@merri
The Alfred hospital have carer support for their catchment area, GROW and Wellways also provide carer support.

Don't know if Guardianship Board can help in relation to appointing a guardian that cannot be changed on a whim - capacity may be a factor in that.

https://www.carersouth.org.au

https://www.grow.org.au/vic/

https://www.wellways.org/our-services/support-families-friends-and-carers


http://www.publicadvocate.vic.gov.au/guardianship-administration/guardianship

Re: elderly mother recently diagnosed as bipolar

Thanks so much for your reply and support. I notice there is a support group for bipolar carers so I will attend. At her age I dont think my mum will change. For the last 5 years we have been regularly sorting out my mother's accomodation - she hasn't liked anywhere as she thinks everyone is too old and always wants to move. Next week we have a family meeting - she is currently in a psych ward - and she wants to live independently. I will again come under immense pressure to again manage her and all her affairs. It is so difficult - I have tried so hard to be a good daughter but the constant dramas have left my husband and I exhausted and we need some peace to have our own lives back.

Re: elderly mother recently diagnosed as bipolar

Thanks so much Darcy for these options - it is good to be put in touch with some services and also information about guardianship.

Re: elderly mother recently diagnosed as bipolar

@merri

I have sent you a link about grief in caring. Carers Victoria might also be an option for you as they have experience both with aged care as well as mental illness. They offer free counseling sessions which can be very helpful.

Being emotionally and physically exhausted is a shared experience of carers despite different circumstances.

I am grateful that my Mr D has insight and is amenable to treatment but this does not guarantee smooth sailing.

There are some some social pages in the forum that offer humour and knowing support. Other carers understand .... might tag you in our virtual cafe, under the social tab there are threads on dogs, cats, art etc.

Darcy

Re: elderly mother recently diagnosed as bipolar

Hey @Catcakes come and meet @merri who cares for her elderly mum too.

Just a quick note, if you put @ in front of a name as I have done with you, this tags the person and notification is sent to alert of this tag.

Re: elderly mother recently diagnosed as bipolar

Hi @merri,
Welcome to the Forums . Do you live with your Mum or visit to care for her?

Re: elderly mother recently diagnosed as bipolar

@Former-Memberyes I have been in touch with Carers Vic and they have been fantastic. @Catcakes i visit my mum but have been soley responsible for her care - she is 91. My brother lives overseas. Her cousin briefly took over in June organising a nursing home after a stay in a mental health clinic. However they had a falling out and she doesn't want to return.

 

 

Re: elderly mother recently diagnosed as bipolar

Well done @merri for seeking out support. It’s not an easy role , care of the elderly or care of someone with MI.
Good to take time out for yourself, do you have any hobbies?
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