Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Oh @Razzle  i feel so very sad for you. 😢

i can sense the sadness and anger in your writing. 

Its the most difficult situation to be in. 

Controlling and manipulative mums create a terrible hard future fir their children. I know I was one of them. 

Just try to be open with your son. Communicate with him and just him whenever you can. I know it’s hstd as he lives so far away as well. Thst doesn’t help. 

I sm glad your hubby can see it finally. And now he can understand what you were telling him all those times. 

I wish there was an easy answer. 

Sending you lots of hugs 🤗 

tske care ❤️❤️

[BlueBay]

Hi @Meowmy @Razzle @Shaz51 @utopia @Owlunar @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member 

and others passing through 😊

I’m sitting outside drinking a coffee listening to the birds. It’s a nice cool day. My D snd A have gone to visit friends for a play date. So it’s nice and peaceful. 

Hope you all are having a nice day. ❤️❤️

[Owlunar]

Hi @Razzle 

I think what @Meowmy  has said here is very wise - don't break off with the family - but keep your distance sure - you have every right to see your grandchild and this is a really difficult situation - and you do not have to like the other grandmother but keeping in touch with your son and the girl and writing notes that cannot be offending will keep the door open - 

Not only that - if there is an idea that the baby is not well you have the right to know

My parents were very controlling too - I am amazed I was able to break away in time - but I did - and the idea of the young mother knowing there is another wise older woman in the background somewhere will make a difference - it's very low key to act in such a way - but circumspect

Here's the thing - Good Old Dr Phil asks "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy" - right now being angry will not help - sure - I believe the old girl is a pot-stirer but she will not always smell of roses - believe me - I have lived long enough to know - I saw my own mother dying with tons of regret

Keep your distance but keep in touch - write innocent notes, ring your son - sure he will be on speaker but let him know you are there. Don't be angry yourself - unhappy sure - I would be - but don't let the old girl know your anger - 

I know it's rough being sweet when you feel anything but - but the choice is yours - keep in touch

And why not let your husband speak to the mother - it might work but that's up to him

All the best Raz - I do hear you

Dec

[Owlunar]

That sounds really great @BlueBay 

You do need time to yourself - now you have taken such a huge step with your psyche you can take smaller ones with your family - if you start to feel crowded with so many adults and a baby in the house you can take a walk yourself or drive down to the beach for a short break - we all need time alone

Maybe I have a super-abundance of it but I love it - I just enjoy my thought - it will not hurt your family and might help a lot if you tell them you need time alone sometimes - after all - they take it - don't they

It's great you are outside listening to the birds - making the most of your time alone - you sound so much better

Dec

[Razzle]

@Owlunar @BlueBay @Meowmy @Shaz51 

I texted my son this morning asking some pretty vague innocent questions.  Eventually I got a huge text back explaining everything that has been going on, admitting the lies we had been told and he apologised for the lies and for what happened when they left

our house.  

Its not going to be easy to establish a relationship with our grand daughter, but at least our son now knows that we know what is going on and at

least through text we can keep communicating with him.  He was so sorry that he’d lied, and he says he won’t do that again.  I told him if

he had to lie to us in front of them, so be it, but to let us know the truth  later when he could. 

As for the other grandmother, we don’t have to have her in our life, we don’t need to be in hers, but we will keep the peace and be civil toward her for the sake of our kids and our grandchild.  We won’t be buying into any of her drama, but our son knows we are always supporting him and there is always a safe place here when he needs it.

[Owlunar]

You are right @Razzle 

Not having any part of the drama is the best way of having it end

And it's so great that you have texted successfully with your son - that's really good - I am glad to hear that and I wish you the best and hope this positive step will continue

Dec

[Meowmy]

@Razzle You do so well. Hope you will get the best out of the situation and support your son and granddaughter to grow up well. I guess in life we take the bad with the good.

[BlueBay]

Sorry @Razzle  I read your post before but forgot to reply. 

I was happy to read that you’ve been communicating with your son. That is great. And he told you the truth. I think it’s best to stay away from her mum. She sounds toxic. I feel sorry for your son.

i really really hope you can and will have a relationship with your granddaughter. I pray that this will happen for you. 

But for now it’s great thst you’re chatting to your son. 

Xxxx

[Shaz51]

hugs @Razzle 

[BlueBay]

Hi @Meowmy @Owlunar @Razzle @Shaz51 @Zoe7  @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member 

Had my blood pressure checked this morning at my clinic. The nurse checked and it was 170/110. That’s high. No wonder I’ve had a headache for the past three days. 

I’m going to check it agsin tomorrow. 

Headache again tonight so I’m going to have an early night and go to bed. 

Hope your evening is going well for all of you. 

Goodnight ❤️