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Hi @Exoplanet,
I tagged you in my post tonight in 'A Long Rave', and asked questions for which you've already given answers here. Silly me, I should have come here first. 
You will probably read about my very difficult year on that other post, but here are some good things that have happened at times. The main one may be that C and I have moved to a new place. It's a two-storey townhouse with a lot more space (and of course more rent). About 50% of my disability pension is now going to rent and utilities. Still there would probably be enough left over to even save a little, if it wasn't for my smoking vices. The other big drain on my finances is pharmacy costs: meds for mental health, physical health, and other stuff mostly about relieving daily pain. But I am going okay for now and living within my means for the most part (not cutting much into the small amount of super I withdrew when that was possible due to Corona). And the place is great. I am no longer close to the beach but it's only 5kms from here and there are wetland and bush areas very close indeed. C and I each have almost a whole floor to ourselves, so we are not so much on top of each other as we were in the previous very small flat.
Did you lose your disability pension? If so, that is a travesty of justice. But very glad to hear you are still enjoying treats every week and continuing with your camping trips. They have always seemed so good for you from the start.
Love, as always, Mazzie 
Hello my magical Mazzy! @Mazarita It's soooooooooo good to hear from you, I've missed you
I did read about your difficult year. I don't like the distinction between mental & physical
health, human beings are one body - one health; but I do understand it. I see the health
of the brain obviously effecting the health of the body {& vice versa} . . . I still think
your year away was worth it!
You've moved to a new place! How very exciting! . . . though 50% of your income is a
pretty huge amount. Mind you, what sort of $$$ do you put on the feeling of safety &
contentment. I've bought a new car . . . a brand spanking new one! I'm in debt up to my
eyeballs, but I know when I go out to that vehicle & turn the key, I'll get to where I need
to go & more importantly, I'll get back home 😉
I hear you about that smoking habit, this pay I couldn't get to food - well I could have,
but my newest obsession is making extra payments on my loan, so that I can get it over
& done with, sooner. I've just ordered a vape kit in the hopes it may be cheaper, as for
years now I spend more on smokes than food - & this pay proved to me that that addiction
is more important to me than nutrition.
I also understand the cost of meds, I've finally found a Doctor that'll prescribe me stronger
pain & sleep assist medications - no other Dr ever has; I think {well I know} I was seen
as a suicide risk. The funny thing is, like you, I only take these meds when I need them
& only for a short amount of time.
Your new place sounds amazing, like you & C have you own places in the same place 🙂
I hope having natural areas so close means you don't have as much traffic or airport
noise & I hope that means it's easier for you to relax
I didn't lose my disability pension, OMG I hope that doesn't happen - I'd be stuffed! I'm
just in more debt then I've ever been, actually I've never had a loan myself. I used the
last of my money paying out a loan I took with my daughter as she stopped paying, she
then stopped communicating with me - although I've accepted it, it's still devastating. I
think you know about my health issues, with rather dark & gloomy expectations. I feel
fine right now though - & I think, that's what counts 🙂 I feel even better having heard
from you It's good to hear your still alive even though the kicking bit might be a bit
difficult. I hope you get out for that walk, I believe gentle movement helps in the obvious
physical ways & the not-so-obvious ones to do with the electro/chemical processes in
the brain. So much love to you Mazy
Great to hear from you too, @Exoplanet. Phew, relieved to hear you still have your pension! I wouldn't have thought you could possibly lose it, but you never know with C-link (I like to call it the 'Clink').
Big loans, or any loans: I avoid them like the plague. When credit cards first started to become popular Australia with Bankcard, I was only 17 and on a miniscule wage living independently away from home. When it became apparent six months later that I couldn't pay the bill, they sent me a letter telling me to just cut it up and throw it away (I am talking $100). No credit card for 20 years until someone told me about Frequent Flyer points and I was persuaded to get one again. Seven years after that I had to go bankrupt because of it (for about $5000). Credit and me simply do not agree!
But your loan is for a good cause with getting a reliable car, very needed living remotely as you do. Plus you have shown in the past that you can repay them. I understand the stress they can cause though.
Damn the smoking addiction. Vaping seems to be a way out for some. May that work for you as well.
I wasn't paying much less on the old place. Rents just keep rising faster than income, its been like this for decades. Something needs to be done to turn around the rising tide of homelessness. Regulation of rental increases is desperately needed. I have a friend in a regional area who has had to move out of town due to rents rising there beyond affordability. She has lived and worked in that community for decades, her sister and nieces and nephews are there. She's temporarily living in a caravan elsewhere at age 59. Older women are one of the fastest growing homeless populations, how terrible at that age. The regional problem is also because city dwellers are now moving to regional areas in droves, after realising they can now work from home. Good for them but terrible for the locals who have to move away from their communities, sometimes long distances, sometimes not able to find a place at all. Makes me angry that this is happening in general and no-one seems to care, more so because it is happening to a friend I love.
So pleased on the other hand to hear you have found a doctor who is willing to help with pain relief. Very helpful to feeling like life is worth living. We have not talked directly very often about your health issues and future prospects with that but I know what you are talking about. Nothing much can be said about it except I hope you have as long a life as you wish and that there are many enjoyable experiences along the way.
Sometimes I'm 'kicking', especially over past few weeks. I even went across the border to see a friend dj-ing at the local pub. For the first time in over 10 years, I had a dance. Just one, to that disco classic 'I Feel Love', one of my favourite pieces of music of all time. So freeing to do that but paid for it with some pain. Worth it though! Have been going for some occasional walks lately and hope to keep it up. They always, literally always, make me feel better. Just a matter of getting myself out of the house. Sadly this is often a gargantuan task. Gathering momentum slowly is the way for me, though I continue to have set backs and need to start again from scratch. Such is life. I get knocked down but I get up again at some point, even if it takes quite a while.
I've often thought about that saying, 'Whatever doesn't ki-ll you only makes you stronger'. I usually add the proviso - if it doesn't cripple you. I love black humour.
No jets overhead here. What a relief, though 2020 gave almost complete peace from that while we were still at the old place, one oddly good thing for me about the pandemic. These days the jets are back in the air more than before. I see them in the distance over our old area and give thanks I can't hear a single sound from them! Every time they are there I am reminded once again of how much better I like the new place. Traffic sound was never that bad there and it isn't much different here. We are fairly close to a motorway but it's really only noisy where we are if the wind blows a certain way. On the other side of that motorway there is the actual hinterland and I now get country drives to visit my friend, so good, especially at night. I've always loved driving on tree-lined country roads, the high beams lighting them up in a ghostly way, hardly a car on the road, wonderful.
Love and big hugs,
Mazzie
Gidday Mazy @Mazarita
Do you still have your social workers supporting you? & the psych Doctor that you
liked so much? Whether you have or not, you doing great, you had a big year & some
individual brains take a long time to recuperate.
I've avoided debt my whole life, I did have a Target card when my daughter was little, a
whole 300 dollars; I'd use it to get her some school gear & we'd have a splurge on
unnecessary things as well, once a year & I'd spend the rest of the year paying it off! I'm
glad I've got this block of land, even though I'm basically squatting in my own place
because it's not up to regulations {or however you put it} - there's no way I could
afford rent! I feel for your friend, I can't imagine going from my own place into such a
confined crowd - I hope the circumstances change for them
I've lived long enough already, I see every trip away, every dip in the dam, every positive
moment as a bonus 🙂 I still look at my prognosis as a light at the end of the tunnel 😉
Glad to hear there's an occasional kick in there, even if it is once a decade 🙂 It's been
many many years since I've danced, well I never really did, I used to do sit-ups to music;
I didn't count them, instead I'd elongate the time I did them. I got up to about 1/2 an hour,
doing all sorts of twists & turns in-between to the music - I did enjoy it 🙂 I never got a
six pack, but I did have 4 distinct upper abs that made me feel better about the mid-rifts
& skimpy outfits that the fella's in my life liked me to wear 😉
I'm glad the airport noise has stopped for you, I know it used to freak you out a bit. Yeah
the pandemic had it's bonuses, air & noise pollution dropped dramatically & some people
almost became Human again!
It's wonderful that you like the new place so much If you have to move, then moving
to a better place is the best way to do it. I imagine the actual moving, was stressful, I've
heard it said that it's as emotionally difficult as a relationship ending! The country drives
sound like a real bonus, I'm liking the description of your position as you appear to have
the best of all worlds surrounding you 🙂 . . . & you deserve it
Lots of love to you Mazy
Hi dear @Exoplanet,
Lovely to receive your latest message when I logged on today.
Your sit up dancing sounds like fun as well as very good for you. Maybe remembering that might inspire a bit of a sway when you next put on music. 
Dancing was a major part of my life up until I was in my 40s. I did ballet as a child for 4-5 years, one of the best things of my early years. At 16 I started going to discos with older friends. Molly Meldrum was at one of them, possibly my first ever random celebrity sighting (there have been quite a few since then)! At some point I realised gay night clubs had much better vibes for single women and so went to heaps and heaps of them, dancing my head off and flirting with flirty gay boys. Very innocent, of course, just lots of fun and feelings of liberation. In my mid-thirties I got into the rave scene and went to many bush doofs over the years, big and small. They were the best of all dance experiences I'd ever had and I remember passionately thinking I was glad to still be alive to see this, such a revelation to my life at that time. Going to raves dwindled in my 40s, during which time I had a very long period of depression which scotched the dancing vibes. With my feet problems now, I was amazed I could dance at my friend's pub dj event. Happy memories and again the feelings of liberation. 
On a more serious note, I am wondering if you have a clear diagnosis for your big health problem. You probably know yourself without any tests. But if you haven't had any of those, is it possible there is something less serious happening?
I have always admired your deep thinking about life, death and the cosmos, and your philosophical attitudes about many things. It is inspiring that you are seeing every experience and adventure as a bonus now, perhaps all the more enjoyable because of it. May there be many more dips in the dam for you.
With the pandemic, I was so shocked when it first hit us. The sudden seriousness of everything came straight home to me when airports started closing around the world. I knew that effectively the global economy was shutting down, which had been unthinkable prior to this. One of my first thoughts was that the world may have an opportunity to make some big structural changes out of such a loosening of hardened realities. I still hope that at least some of the changes happening will be big improvements on where we were. Yes to the pollution improvements and the chance for people to slow down. Of course the pandemic is only part way through and there is no guarantee at all that Covid will ever go away now, though we may find ways to keep it in check so that people are no longer suffering on such a massive scale. We are all living through a major historical moment in the world, though in blessed Australia it's easy to almost forget it's even happening. In my own small life, things have hardly changed at all.
I love the image of you in skimpy outfits. I've had a few over the years too. I actually bought a dress recently with a neckline that exposes cleavage. At 58, overweight and a bit saggy in the boobs, this may not be the best look, haha, but this dress is so much cooler in the hot weather than my others. I also do feel sexy in it regardless of how it looks to others. I will probably be celibate for the rest of my life, as I have been for years now. But it's nice feeling sexy to myself. 
With the support that you asked me about, I am currently in the process of being assessed for the NDIS, which would improve my life for sure if I get it. I know how beneficial support workers can be from the two years I had with one some years ago. Fingers crossed the NDIS is a yes for me. Aside from that, I am still with the same wonderful GP I’ve had for 10 years, my psychiatrist of six years and my psychologist of four. They are a great help and support to me on my journey through this life.
Lots of love to you,
Mazzie
I've woken up really early for my standards, It was wonderful to get online here & see a
message from you @Mazarita
Wow, you sure did have fun in your younger days! I've never been to a rave, went to lots
of pubs & nightclubs but I had to get so drunk to cope with being in those places, that I
always ended up being an embarrassment. Instead of passionately thinking I was glad to
be alive, I'd cringe & think 'never again' . . . until the next time 😉
No really clear diagnosis, I wasn't interested in any more tests. It was about 6.5cm &
had spread through all the nodes in the adjacent lymph gland. It was referred to as
advanced &, how's this for professional . . . really nasty . . . I even had one Doctor tell
me it could already have spread further, all I could think of was 'what did I go through
all those scans & tests for then!' I still don't miss my breasts, my neck & shoulders
certainly don't 🙂 I am enjoying things more, it has changed my thought & emotional
processes - I think for the better 🙂 Need more rain to get another dip in the dam, but
considering it's been 5 years {or more!} I'm grateful for the dips that I've had 😄
I think the pandemic is the beginning of permanent changes for human beings, it seems to
me if we are serious about surviving as a species for as long as we can - things must
change. It's becoming obvious to a lot of people in a lot of places now, our Planet cannot
sustain our use/abuse of it. In my opinion the greatest abuse we give it is over-populating
it & it appears that our superior intellect can do nothing about that. Blah, blah, blah, so
sorry . . . . how about rainbows & unicorns instead 😄 🙂
I love the sound of your new dress, I get an image of cool flowing material giving a
soft feminine outline to a real woman's body I've started worrying less about whether
my scars might offend someone else, I don't have plunging necklines but many loose
fitting tops & dresses, which are essential in the heat. Decades ago I got over what people
might think of the scars on my arms & legs, I think because these scars are very definitely
where my breasts were is what makes me somewhat conscious of them . . . but I'm getting
over it. The ones at the front of my chest are fairly neat straight lines, under my arms
are a bit messy {kinda matches the hairy really 😄 }, but I'm not forcing anyone to look!
Good luck with the NDIS, I think I read somewhere that you have an organization helping
you with it. I think that there are organizations that have formed to help says volumes
about how difficult the process is! Glad to hear you still have your other familiar supports.
I still have a sister that keeps in contact with me, still blows me away that this sister is
the one that understands me most, but am very grateful that she's there!
I'm booked in for my next camp, leaving on the 8th returning on the 12th 🙂 I'm a bit
worried about the weather, there is predictions of rain & this will be the first time in
decades that I'll be sleeping in a tent {though I can fit in the car if necessary}. They have
allowed me to pay nightly, so if it's terrible I can just pack up & come home 😉 I get the
most fun out of gathering & packing before I go, I've been gathering for a couple of days
now, I'll start packing it into the car today or tomorrow & then will probably have to re-
think what things I really need to take 😄
Live well & prosper @Mazarita Love you
