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31-10-2018 09:23 PM
31-10-2018 09:23 PM
22 yo son suffering for 6 years.
Hi, I am new to writing in a forum.
I have the most wonderful son that I love to bits. He is intelligent, empathetic, deep thinking, creative, sensitive... all attributes that I think make him suceptible to horrendous mental health issues (depression and anxiety; bi-polar and borderline personality disorder).
He is so incredibly unwell and I walk on eggshells around him, not knowing what to do or say. He wants to do it all himself, which is great, and I celebrate this and try my best to adhere to his wishes, but he doesn't seem to get any better. I am not even allowed to ask if he wants something to eat. He is so thin, just skin and bone and he hardly eats. Recently, he decided to become a vegetarian. I applaud his mission to eat vegetarian but he is hardly eating and therefore starving his brain and his thoughts. He must be eating sometimes because there is evidence of Ubereats piling up in hs room. I dont go into his room as per his wishes and I couldn't get in for the piles of mess anyway. The mess is extremely distressing; it is way beyong teenager mess; it is mouldy food and garbage and chaos. It seems to represent his mind. He sleeps during the day and plays on the computer the rest of the time. Some days he sits outside and has a coffee, goes for a quick walk and even plays the guitar for a bit. He goes out on occassion to visit his girlfriend or new friends he has made doing a fantasy game. These are highlights and rays of hope that he is getting better. But they are such small amounts of his time. He is supposed to be moving out in 3 weeks time because the lease on my apartment is ending and he wants to be independant going forward. He still hasn't found accomodation and I don't think he has saved enough to look after himself. He has missed all his doctor appointments and no longer aligned with a psychologist/psychiatrist. I have sent him a link to the Neami website; what else can I do to help him? Any suggestions?
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01-11-2018 09:39 AM
01-11-2018 09:39 AM
Re: 22 yo son suffering for 6 years.
Hi Mum1996
I am new to the forum too
Your phrase “ walking on eggshells “ struck a chord as I feel I do that all the time.
Trying to find that delicate balance between being helpful and interfering with our adult unwell children.
I try and keep help on a practical level eg Saying I have made a vegetarian curry,it’s in the fridge.
small amounts of information seem to work best as there is often so much going on inside their heads they can’t process too much at a time.
I know how the chaotic mess is so distressing but once again I don’t pass judgment just say I would like to put all the food scraps as I worry about cockroaches or something
keep them I messages
I also ask permission eg can I wash your sheets today as I am having a laundry day.
it is indeed treading on eggshells and depends on how unwell your child is.
Obviously the mess etc doesn’t bother them in their particular state of mind but it worries us as we want to provide a clean safe environment
Doing just little things in a quiet way seems to help me feel better.
If the non eating is getting serious that could be a factor in crisis assessment as it could be seem as a danger to himself.I had the experience of my son not sleeping and then driving his car and that was considered a danger to himself and others.
i live by one day at a time and some days are good and some not!
Do something nice for yourself today
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01-11-2018 05:49 PM
01-11-2018 05:49 PM
Re: 22 yo son suffering for 6 years.
Thank you @klee1
Very good suggestions.
Thank you for taking the time to read my message and respond to it.
It is very much appreciated, indeed.
Regards, Mum of 1996.
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03-11-2018 12:13 AM
03-11-2018 12:13 AM
Re: 22 yo son suffering for 6 years.
Hi @Mum1996 @klee1 and welcome to the forums. You are both managing as bravely as you can, and as @klee1 said, keep finding nice things to do for yourself. It is important to counter-weigh the stressors of the situation we are managing with at home, and every little bit of self-care contributes towars that.
There is a book I bought a few years ago called Stop Walking On Eggshells. Although my hubby doesn't have bpd (as far as I can recognise) my psych recommended that I keep reading it anyway, because much of the advice is pertenant to what he does appear to have. Perhaps your local library will have a copy and you can do a quick browse of it to see whether you think it might help you, and if it is not safe to keep at home (mine is hidden), you can always go to the library to read it there if it is something usefull for you.