Lived Experience Forum

[Kiera80]

I'm in trouble.  For the past little while now I have been incredibly anxious, worried and can't concentrate on anything.  It is affecting every part of my life - every single day.

A few months ago I stopped taking the meds I was on for the ptsd because I was doing really well.  I'm now wondering if this was a huge mistake.  I know the anxiety is a part of ptsd but now it's on a level even worse than when I was first diagnosed (have no idea why).  I am struggling to keep my head above water at the moment and it's really frightening me. 

I am loathe to go back on the meds because it took me so long to get off them, so instead I have been to see my naturopath who has given me some anti anxiety tablets and drops and I am taking a variety of flower essence drops as well.

I have also downloaded an anxiety hypnosis recording that I listen to every night before going to bed.  It's pretty good.

I'm also practicing EFT tapping.  I started taking folinic acid too in the hope that it could help me.

I'm also doing an online anxiety course.

Should I reconsider and put myself back on the meds I was taking or is there some hope that I can beat this by what I'm doing now?

I feel like I'm running 100 miles an hour straight at a brick wall.

[NikNik]

Hi @Kiera80 

I know other members will have some their own thoughts, but I wanted to jump in and stress how important it is for you to see the health care professional who prescribed the medication.

Sometimes other medications or supplements can interfere with medication, so going back on the same ones at the same dosage, may not have the same outcome as last time.

It's fantastic that you have noticed your decline and that you are looking to get back on top of things!

[kristin]

Dear @Kiera80 

It sounds like you are doing so much to hold this at bay. I hear you are working really hard to manage it. And you feel it's not working well enough. PTSD is a huge thing to hold. Especially on your own. I don't believe it is something we can ever "beat" because we are trying to beat ourselves. But I do believe that we can learn to hold it. A very different thing. Even to live with it.

I have complex PTSD and I had to make a decision years ago (before I knew I had PTSD) to try and have weekly therapy to work on my "stuff". I haven't always managed that but that is my aim. The proviso being the threapist has to compassionate otherwise they will do a great job at making me worse quite quickly (and preferably a psychiatrist because I'm on a pension and cannot afford a psychologist).

I raise this in part because you don't mention therapy in your list. What happens to me is that I find I can be ok for a little while, sometimes even for months. If I was manic (which happened sometimes, I have bipolar as well) I might be "well" for quite a lot of months but the crash always came and it was devastating. I have learned that there is so much "stuff" and so many skeletons in my "closet" that I need to actively & regularly work on what's there or it starts to cause me pain which leads to depression. Even if my closet is well-aired "stuff" happens in life, and often rubs up against and reactivates past pain. So life happens and I go to therapy for my mental health like some go to the gym for their physical health. And I am more well in my fifties than ever before, even in the midst of way too much "stuff" happening at the moment.

I can't really answer your questions, only you can for you. I loathe taking meds too. If the things you are doing are helping you then I wouldn't stop. If they are not enough help to hold this millstone you are carrying then please find someone to share that load and help you lighten it. That can be a hard (even painful) task in itself, but I think it is very worthwhile in the longer term.

I wish you peace and hope on your journey, because hope endures...

Kindest regards,

Kristin

[Kiera80]

Thank you @NikNik and @kristin for your responses. I really need the input at the moment.

Good point about the meds and thinking of going back on the same ones.  I will check with my doctor on that.  The meds I was taking were quite good and helped me to the point where I thought I was good to come off them.  My doc originally said I should be on them for about a year.  It was a bit longer than that. 
I don't want to start taking something again that's going to cause so many problems coming off again.  When I stopped taking the meds I had extreme dizzy spells and it took months and months to cut down and eventually stop.

I was thinking of going to see a counsellor again.  I have been under a lot of stress again lately and trying to find a balance where I can have some peace and quiet. I seem to be busy, busy, busy all the time.  I wish I could have some real down time where nobody needs anything from me. 

I am really struggling with dissociation as well and that's been affecting a lot of what I need to do.  I suppose a counsellor could help me work through that.

@kristin what you said about ptsd being something we may not be able to beat because we are trying to beat ourselves really hit home.  I feel like I'm fighting against myself all the time.  For me it's the uncertaintly of what might happen in my day that scares me the most.  Am I going to fall in another heap today or am I going to get through it okay.  The online anxiety course I am doing I feel is not addressing what's really going on with me. The thoughts I have come out of nowhere but they are more thoughts of self doubt than being mean to myself. 

My brain still seems to be in shut down mode and I don't know how to fix that. 

[ivana]

Have you tried doing something relaxing like a yoga class?

[Jon22]

You could try meditation, haven't you tried it yet?

[Kiera80]

Yes, yes, yes - meditation and yoga have both been suggested to me.  I would like to try some meditation.  I just need to find a way to schedule that into my day.  I also need some tips on how to do it correctly.

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @kiera

Have you looked into local meditation classes? Where I work offers access to yoga for women who have experienced trauma..maybe check with your local community health providers and see if any is offering yoga or mindfulness/meditation for people with mental health concerns?
On other hand, local papers and libraries and book shops often list all sorts of classes, including yoga and meditation..

[peace]

@Kiera80 You can pick up heaps of CD's of guided meditations or even borrow them from your local library.
Petrea King has some good one's.
It will give you a great start.

[Former-Member]

I dont have much to offer in advice, but i think you are doing amazing trying to help yourself in lots of ways. im struggling with anxiety as well and finding that along with the depression things are incredibly overwhelming at times. I hope you get some relief soon. I know you said you are busy but is there some things that you can ask someone else to help you with for a while, or say no to for a while to get a break. It can be hard to ask/do but i've started realising that people often want to help, I just have to let them.

good luck