Lived Experience Forum

[Neb]

I have been crying buckets,which is a good thing....having a good Ol crying jag can be therapeutic but the cause is bizarre. I am home sick......after 8 years across the ditch.  Tuned into YouTube and listened to some old music, mostly Aussie bands......sniffle sniffle.

does anyone have sleep apnoea?  I can't use my cpap anymore, I tend to rip off the facemask while asleep. I wake up with spectacular headaches. Some nights I must sleep without moving much.....I basically sit up to sleep. I wonder if I will die in my sleep? I suppose I should care, but I don't really. I just hope to die in a state of grace.

sorry to be such a sad sack!

[Shimmer]

Hi @Neb,

Sounds like you are embracing your sadness and letting yourself feel the homesickness - what a healthy way to respond to your emotions. How long have you been crying like this for?

Oh waking up with headaches sounds awful! If I have a poor night's sleep I struggle, I can imagine how challenging that would be!

Reading that you don't really care if you die in your sleep concerns me - just wanted to check in with how you're feeling overall? Feel free to email the mod inbox if needed. We're here for you 

[Former-Member]

I hear you @Neb, just wanted to be struck in the head by lightening in this storm. And I have just had mod sleep apnoea diagnosed but can't afford the machine. Everyone I talk to with a machine done like using them, but I have heard they have improved models lately. I had a minor GA yesterday and have bruises on my jaw where the staff hat to hold my head back to stop snoring airway obstruction (so the nurse said). Its so embarrassing too. I was in my 30s at a church leaders camp when first told, over breakfast in front of everyone) "you snore!!!" I was mortified, girls don't snore! And now I'm 20kg heavier so yep, its worse.
This blackdog thing, wanting to quietly die in our sleep before our time, I think bit comes when stress levels peek. We need some motivation to put our learned stress reduction skills in play. What are they again?

[Neb]

Thank you for the concern guys. I am fine really, I was surprised at the anti Australian thing when I first came here. I mean really, just about everyone must have an Aussie relative or New Zealand one....my family is LITTERED with them. So catching up with an Aussie here allows one to have a good giggle at our New Zealand cuzzies. I understand that some NZ think Aussies are loudmouths and culturally insensitive.I responded and said that was a cultural trait, and Aussies are culturally insensitive to everyone (this went over like a lead balloon.....lol).

The sleep thing is okay too. I wont do myself an injury, historically, I am very bad at it....,.and seeing I have got religion, it is seen to be not a good thing to do such anyhow.

It is just nice to mouth off at times. I guess I am happy and sad at the same time....go figure!

[utopia]

@Neb. I can relate to being sad and happy at the same time. That's healthy. That's life.
I love how you let yourself cry and feel your emotions. I'm also doing that this weekend.
Emotional pain needs a release. And not only crying helps - but also putting it out there in this forum space. Having a whinge - such an Aussie expression - is a good release. You are doing well.
I wish you all the best and hope the homesickness and tears, end for you soon.

[Neb]

Whinge is a great word eh. Bit like whine....and you say do youse want a bit of cheese with your wine.

I have discovered Ion L. Idriess, a popular and prolific writer from the 1950s. Most of his books are about Australia and the people. I think all non fiction. I dont know but my grandfather may have knocked into hime in the days before WW1, these are tales from the bush and the characters met and tales. Not politicallly correct, but true to the times. The author fought in the less than Great War, knocked around all over the great Southern Land.

On the subject of being a sooky bub....how hard is it for you to cry. I find it very HARD at times and am so pleased when i do....it is a release, tears just springing forth not from any real despair but it does help clean away SOMETHING. Having a forum like this is good for me, it is safe, it is a virtual diary but emphemeral at the same time.