Lived Experience Forum

[Trauma_Scars]

After 25 years of keeping it a secret, in June I finally disclosed a childhood trauma. I've been seeing a counsellor since July when I realised I needed to start working through it and I wasn't coping. I've been in and out of hospital as things became too much and now I'm back home. Readjusting to normal life is a little more difficult than I thought it would be.

I'm having a lot of dreams where I am going on a holiday with my little family and my abuser ends up being there but for some reason we can't leave and I just keep trying to keep my son safe and away from them. The details are slightly different every time, but the same themes are there. Tonight I was triggered by a sauce I was having on my dinner as memories came flooding back. Is this kind of stuff normal when you start talking about trauma for the first time? It seems like I am triggered by things that are only the slightest bit connected to a memory of that time frame in my life. Before I started talking about it I was never triggered and didn't have dreams about the abuser. It's like now I've talked about it the flood gates have opened. I'm constantly anxious and shakey and am constantly being reminded by the tiniest thing.

[destructive]

Hi @Trauma_Scars  yes this is common but doesn't have to last forever if you have good support from your therapist to work out how to stay more present and manage triggers. I know it's terrifying but good on you for being able to open up. It was all still there below the surface so hopefully now as it comes up and out the wounds can begin to heal. 

[Zoe7]

In my experience @Trauma_Scars what you are experiencing is unfortunately not unusual. Once you begin unlocking that 'Pandora's Box' and begin talking about the trauma you have experienced it becomes very much forefront of your thoughts. The tiniest thing can be triggering and we can relate so much of our daily lives to that trauma.  It is hard to pinpoint specific triggers when this starts happening as everything seems to be a trigger. You are unlocking a part of your brain that has kept things closed for so long and with that comes a flood of thoughts, emotions and pain. It is super hard to get through but I am glad you are seeing someone that can help you navigate all this. 

Have you talked to your counsellor about how all consuming this is for you right now? Have you worked on any strategies to help get through these triggers?

[Gwynn]

Please be kind to yourself. Something that's helped me deal with my own traumas has been knitting - there's a lot of research out there that says it's useful for processing traumas and distracting the brain from pain and overwhelming emotions. Even if I can't immediately get out my knitting for some urgent relief, I can imagine myself knitting for a similar precious wash of calm.
Please be kind to yourself and take care.

[Trauma_Scars]

Thanks for commenting, I haven’t had a chance to talk to my counsellor yet. My first appointment back after Christmas holiday period is Friday. I will definitely be telling her.

[Trauma_Scars]

I learnt how to crochet after a period of being mentally unwell as a way to cope. I’ve been doing jigsaw puzzles lately, which helps pass time when I’m not feeling so great.

[Trauma_Scars]

Thanks for your support, I hope the wounds will heal quickly as I’m very impatient, but I have a feeling I’m going to have to take my time with this issue.