Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

@Corny

The neglect is so profound but also hidden, so hidden that it was hidden from myself, until recently.

I think it is important not to retrigger ourselves unecessarily, however some understanding and useful social information can help.  Only you can be the judge of what helps when there is so much early complex trauma, but I have found it does help to try different things.

I have not read that book, as I dont read much fiction these days, but I know what you mean about Aspies being everywhere.  I talk about myself as an aspie because a lot of it fits, but also I am a little detached from it. Last night I saw a guy who is really obviously struggling with his aspyness.  I tried to reassure him, have known him for a few years in a choir, another guy inside same choir is a shrink and we also had talk about aspie epidemic.  

One thing about being in care ... is that it comes very much that we are not the only one .... 

Take Care

You are valuable here.

[Corny]

Hey @frog,

I'm sorry you experienced that. It's so awful. And something that is extremely difficult to create on ones own. It took me many years to stop attracting people into my life who replicated the same way I was treated at home. I recreated familial patterns in friendships and the women I was drawn to. Almost like I expected people to treat me like dirt or with indifference.

One thing I find for myself, and other people who've had similar experiences in early life, is that we are subconsciously attracted to people who are incapable of meeting our needs.

We repeat the patterns.

It's taken me many many years to get to the stage where I can ask for my needs to be met and feel like I am worthy of that. I have also realised that if I was to settle down with a partner one day that they must possess certain personality traits and that I am not being demanding or fussy in needing them. I need physical affection and closeness and intimacy, and it's OK that, that is one of my highest needs. I actually begin to start to feel unstable if I am being rejected with a fair bit of regularity or find myself in a situation where I thought someone would be very warm and affectionate, but they're not, or only are to reel you in, and then the veil comes down. I know that sounds sooky, but my doctor said given my childhood and innate personality it's OK to want and need that and I'm not to let anyone shame me for it. He said he thinks it a miracle I'm not cold as ice. I guess I've just had so many people put me down, or I haven't been the best judge of character. I hope to get better at judging character.........but it's brutal out there.

I would looooooooooooooooove a dog, but I live in a 1 bedroom apartment and can't get one. 

I also love the outdoors Frog. 

And thanks for letting me off the hook with all my self discipline every now and then. I'm still human. I went for a really long walk today and am sore.

Take care Corny 

[Corny]

Sorry you've got an operation coming up @outlander.

I hope that you get the results you want and feel better soon.

Corny xx

[outlander]

thanks @Corny ill be fine. its better than being in pain so the pros outweigh the cons for this one.

Can i ask how your feeling tonight? has being able to talk here helped a little bit? Is there anything in particular on your mind that i could help with?

[Corny]

Thank you @Appleblossom for your very sweet message.

I have read a lot about attachment and early life trauma. I agree with you. It's a delicate balance. I think you have to be careful to pick the right time to read it and delve into it, because you can be left feeling a bit despairing. Like you feel, "well I am just totally stuffed, because the damage is done and irreparable". But it does give me more self compassion and personal insight as to why I am the way I am, and it wasn't my fault. 

Corny

[Corny]

Thanks @outlander, I'm not too bad. I'll take a shower now and try an wind down. I went for a long walk today and am sore and a little sunburnt but it was a beautiful day the water was turquoise. 

It does feel good to chat to people about mental illness that actually get it. A lot of people I know have experienced it, but there are varying degrees and severity, and for some it doesn't really disrupt their lives on any major level. They don't experience too much loss with it.  

I hope you get results. Chronic pain is terrible. Trying to get at nerves is pretty tricky for medicine. One of my friends is in a real bad place with it right now, very disabling, and I was mortified that the doctor has prescribed her a whole heap of opioids. 

Good luck Outlander. I know you struggle with sleep like me. I hope its a restful night. 

Corny xx

[outlander]

your walk with a view sounds lovely @Corny a cool shower and maybe a cup of tea with a book/movie would be good..

that is true, i dont know many offline who experience mh or not that i could share with anyway so here is really good for me too. Oh dear, i hope her gp is very closely monitoring her on those meds!

Thanks sweetie, I hope your night is at least ok
Hugs

[Acon78]

I can very much relate and wanyto get people like us together to better thrive.

[outlander]

@Corny how are you going?

Welcome @Acon78

[Maggie]

@Corny I've just read your first post. So much I wish I could say but can't. Few words, I apologise for that. But feelings are huge. Walking with you when I can, understanding so very deeply.💕💜