Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Bea]

Have pre-warned I won't be assisting with 'wiping' duties though after having to clean up after what I call the 'big brown bear day' when out in public.

Sounds pretty harsh doesn't it? "Nope, not coming. Do the best you can until your next carer is due". I'm ok with that now though.

I think I may have carer burnout... I may start a new topic...

I couldn't stop them calling me on weekends or other days off to ask me to go drive to her house to put her shoes on, shower her, do her dishes etc.

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@Bea wrote:
Sigh.. my little chats continue... some ideas like seeds may take root & grow, others fall on the hard ground to waste away. Cannot change my folks, only point out some observations & be available to listen & help them get more help if/when they decide they have had enough.

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I queried what
required on my work daysbut by saying No they have

[Shaz51]

I think I may have carer burnout... I may start a new topic... @Bea  please tag me when you do xx

[Bea]

Good on your Mum! Love tough older gals 🙂

My sister is the very opposite! Happy for anyone & everyone to do everything! She only does 'fun'. So yummy food but not healthy, buy pretty tops but not necessary clothes like socks, money spent on hobbies but can't pay for shoes or new toaster. She makes her own coffee at her place, but at the folks' just looks at them and says I'd like a coffee now. Up Dad gets as he has been so well trained....

She does have a triple load of *#$% to deal with: SZ, stroke & (not diagnosed but certainly obvious) mild intellectual impairement. Even wirh SZ is this normal? I think without that diagnosis she woukd be Dependant Persinality Disorder or something.

Any input out there on SZ behaviour? Is this part of it?

I've certainly met several individuals with cerebal palsy (para & quadriplegic) who had far more drive to be & maintain their independance.
I suppose my sis can't miss what she never obtained.

But this is why I have no qualms now about saying No. It's quite different to when I talked my Mum into some home help - my sister's needs seem to be an endless black hole. The more I did, the more she wanted. If I lifted the weak leg into the car, next time she needed both, then next time her arms hauled out too. Hmm but still catching taxis on own - interesting...

[Bea]

Oops! My reply here went from draft thoughts to splattered everywhere in no particular order!!! That's what I get for typing without my glasses & hitting post in error! Just ignore... 🙂

[Appleblossom]

@Bea No we cant change our family, but we can only do what we can do.

Love your humour about brown bear probs.  In a way I was lucky my mother was proud and organised her own palliative care, which was appropriate.  So I never had to do that job for her, but she was a bit insulting and abusive and neglectful to me. She did not want to trust me.  I witnessed clean ups on visits and was thankful to workers and kind to mother.  My mother had a diagnosis of SZ at once stage.

 Schizophrenia is a serious and often scary disorder and word and concept for family members to manage.  I was told at 18 that my dad had it by my brother, then went to check at dads old hospital. I married a fellow with it. Many people say they over diagnose it ...

The down side of the break up of extended family is the increase in pressure on nuclear family.

I also took on the baby of what I call a "happy schizophrenic" ... maybe you can get my irony ... she was a person who ditched  all responsibilities ... but was fond of fancy clothes ... for herself and her bub ... while my babes had to take their BS. At least the man I was married to for 16 years tried to face up to life.  I distinguish happy irresponsible Scizohprenics from others and my own parents who actually had a lot of real trauma, skills, courage and sense of family duty as well as that diagnosis.  Not all Schizophrenics are equal.

Do what you feel and think is right.

Cant do more.

[Bea]

Thankyou @Appleblossom for your informative & supportive answer. Your term 'happy schizophrenic' is great! It's a good fit. And my familiy are all so very lucky there was no abuse, trauma etc.
Really, the fact responsibilities slide off like a non-stick pan is annoying & frustrating - but I am learning ways to handle it.