Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

With my bipolar I rapid cycle very fast.

The week before was grey clouds for me and last week was pure black. I got drunk so many times, could not leave the house, had to be watched 24-7. I even sent all my close friends warm messages as I planed it to be my last.

Now I'm laughing. Full of beans. Kicking butt at work. I'm on a pure high and trying not to let it take full control of me incase it makes me drop fast.

But I'm left with a guilt over being sad last week. It's like why was I sad why was I dramatic I put people I loved through hell while I crashed and burned and now I'm purely fine. I feel like I'm kind of evil doing that twisted and sick.

I just don't get how I can go from one extrem to another and don't know how to deal with the change.

Has anyone else felt like this?

[NikNik]

Hi @Former-Member

While you're waiting for others to respond, there's a great thread called 'Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...'' I found the posts from @MoonGal & @Castdown particularly interesting.

I hope reading these posts help in the meantime.

For what it's worth - it's great that you have noticed the swing from low to high - from what others with similar experiences have said, noticing it is half (or more) the battle.

Take care

[Former-Member]

Thank you had a read of it. And now cycling back to deppresion and said stuff it bring on the pain killers. So off my face at work. Feel drunk but I feel free na I feel trapped/free/nothing can touch me!

[Shimmer]

Hi @Former-Member,

Just wanted to check in with how you're going today?

Take care,

Shimmer

[Former-Member]

Hi Shimmer.

I'm cycling very fast. The highs are even getting me annoyed. I'm just on my last straw. So tiered of it. I saw my GP yesterday and going to start a new style of medication. I'm going to try in on Saturday as I want to finish my week at work with out being in space and I'm scared of reactions so I take it in the morning because morning is safe.

My work is going to be 4 full days a week so I'm going to use that time to try do what I love. I haven't done anything I love in over a year due to being depressed and not getting out of bed. But hello ballet and art galleries I'm coming to you.

If these meds don't work in a month I'll be seeing a phycatrist. If they do work I'm going to see a phycologist as I don't want to bring up the past yet but deal with my today fears like flying and panic attacks.

Thanks for checking up.