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Something’s not right

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New feelings

Hi everyone,

 

I am after a bit of help.   I have BPD, PTSD and anxiety and I currently am getting the help I need, have finally gotten a job I love and that is really helpful and I am in my last year of study.  Everything seems to be going on track for me at the moment.

 

I am however having some issues with my partner.  I do love him but as I am growing and exploring myself and what I want I feel like he does not want the same things as me any more.  I have asked him so manytimes if we can get married (we are engaged), have a baby and travel.  He hasnt filled for divorce yet, he never wants to talk about weddings or travel, he has had a vascetomy and he has not even looked at the info that I have gotten about getting a reversal and on top of everything he hasnt gotten rid of the the order in place against me from when I had a complete melt down 18 months ago.  I have been well for quite some time and I feel like my clock is runnng out for a lot of these things.  Even when I mentioned that I might go to overseas with my aunty for a week he got really weird about it and she is a wonderful human and support for me, he "wouldn't let me go" because it is not him.  

 

I guess I do love him so so much but there is more to life that I want and I don't know if he can give it to me so I am really lost. 

 

It is like he jsut isnt interested.  He is a lot older than me and maybe that is why? 

 

I am at the point where I was looking at jobs overseas and thinking about the possibilities of leaving to go next year.

 

I just feel very lost and stuck!  Sorry to bore you! 

Any opinions are welcome. 

 

xx

7 REPLIES

Re: New feelings

@emg_1 Hi emg_1 I have read your post twice and not once have you stated what both of you have in common only the opposite. I am not going to tell you what to do with your life but if it was me and I had a partner who I had nothing in common re the future I would be looking else where or just leaving.

Re: New feelings

Hey @emg_1. It's so tricky when two people in a relationship seem to want different things. I feel a bit the same at the moment, though to a lesser extent than it sounds you're going through.

I know you mentioned your partner doesnt seem to be interested (in general maybe?) but what is he like when you try and have a conversation about these issues or about how you're feeling with it all? I think communication and a willingness to be open and honest with each other and listen to each other would be pretty important in working through the difficulty that comes with situations like this.

Do you think you might still go away with your Aunty? It sounds like travel is important to you and something you want to do. It doesn't seem fair and it sounds pretty controlling really, to hear that your partner won't 'let' you go, especially given he says it is because it isn't with him yet he isn't interested in talking with you about travel (if I understood that correctly).

It's so good to hear things are on track for you and that you've been doing well. I hope you find what is right for you and what will help you continue to do well in the future.

Re: New feelings

@emg_1 Lifes too short do what makes YOU happy 😃 

Re: New feelings

@emg_1.  Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them.  

A partnership is where both parties are happy and excited when there partner is learning new things.  It's not someone not 'allowing'you to go on holiday. It's them enjoying the journey are are going on,  why,  because it makes you happy. 

Seems like you and your boyfriend have quite a few things to discuss and see if he is willing to put in the energy to make you and your happiness,  his priority.  If not..... 

Re: New feelings

Thanks @greenpea @utopia and @AnxiousMe and @CheerBear

Tonight escalated and I'm more lost than ever. Im

Re: New feelings

I'm more upset than ever and left my house to stay at a friend's. This is down there with the worst I've ever felt
I'm sorry for bothering you all. Good night
I'll write in the morning
Xx

Re: New feelings

Sorry to hear you had what sounds like a really hard night @emg_1. I hope being with your friend helpful.

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