Lived Experience Forum

[CannonSalt]

I had difficulty ordering dinner in a posh-RSL restaurant recently.  It had been a very long day for me to begin with, and the restaurant was very noisy and I couldn't see anything on the menu that I liked, and the cutlery had thin handles, which I find difficult to manage when I'm tired. I have thick-handled cutlery just for me when I eat dinner at home which I've had since I was small, but I'm not sure it would be acceptable to take to a restaurant - and I'm kind of resistant to that idea anyway, because restaurants should provide decent cutlery.

I don't like pepper or rocket or sundried tomatoes or spanish onion, ('salad' is often undescribed, so it's a dicey proposition as to if it's got disgusting things in it or not).  At home, these are simple wants.  At this restaurant, they seemed impossible.  

I eventually figured out that I was far too tired to be out and about and apologised and took myself home and made myself a sandwich for dinner instead.  

I know that I'm lucky to be invited to eat at a restaurant, but it was overwhelming and I was tired and it seemed like there was nothing good to eat there.

I can manage to order a flat white to be served in a cup with a big handle if we're just getting morning tea/afternoon tea, but lunch or dinner is difficult for me.  Haven't worked out breakfast yet, it's not come up as a subject - although according to The Australian, smashed avocado is all the rage....

How do you read restaurant menus so that you can understand what's being offered quickly?

How do you work out how you can change an order so that it fits your food preferences?

Any other tips on general restaurant etiquette?  We used to go to restaurants for birthdays when I was small, but we fell out of the habit. I can't afford to go to restaurants around my area "just for fun" (which horrified a friend and her husband several years ago...), but my parents seem to like taking me to a restaurant for my birthday in recent years which is always difficult for me because of the surprise factor involved.  My restaurant difficulties upset my parents, too, so then we have an awkward meal.

[NikNik]

Hi @CannonSalt

I feel like it's been ages since I've seen you around - welcome back! (or maybe we're just online at different times!)

Firstly - people who work in hospitality (waiters etc) are completely use to questions about food and menu items. If they are good at their job, they will know the menu inside out & back to front and will be happy to answer any questions.

In my experience, some restaurants are more flexible than others when it comes to changing ingredient in their dish. 

Some ideas that come to mind include:

- Research restaurants online - most have their menu on their webpages

- Pick your meals before you go

- Call them to ask about them about the meal before hand (If you're like me, the anonmity of being on the phone and not having to face them makes life a lot easier!)

- Go to a place with an all you can eat buffet - you can pick and choose what you want (and if you're like me, scoop out the greek salad without any olives  )

I often look up the menu before I go to eat because I always end up feeling the pressure of picking something and then having food envy later. 🙂

I hope this helps!

What do others do?

[Lunar]

Hello @CannonSalt,

I agree with @NikNik, I have worked in restaurants and cafe's for many years and most people adjust their meals to suit their likes, they are used to that and is perfectly okay to do that!

Also, as a general rule as I am quite picky I tend to go to the same restaurants as I know the vibe and the meals and won't be overwhelmed or disappointed with spending the money, so keep note of where you have been in the past and what you have ordered there!

Sometimes it's helpful to share meals so you get to try new things but if you don't like it it won't be a waste as they other person will eat it!

Lunar 🙂

[CannonSalt]

Thanks, @NikNik and @Lunar .  I think the problem is that when I try to read a menu, I don't understand it and then panic sets in.  The punctuation doesn't guide me, the language is too floral.  My mother thinks I'm being difficult on purpose and refuses to tell me anything about restaurants beforehand.  'We were thinking of taking you out to lunch for your birthday, how about you put some shoes on', style of thing.  My dad always pleads ignorance.  There's that period of time where they leave us alone with the restaurant-ese menu and everyone else seems to be able to understand it and I just can't.

The only things on the menu that were plainly written enough for me to tell with confidence what they were were chips, and steamed rice.  After a long day, these options did not appeal. My go-to 'safe' dish is usually fish and chips, but I'd had that for lunch at another restaurant on my very long day.

By the time the waitress had gotten everyone else's order, and then come back for mine, I was totally frazzled.  I blurted out to her in absolute misery that there was nothing here for me to eat, which she looked puzzled by and she 'gave me a bit more time'. When she left, I made my excuses and went home. What could I have said?  'I can't understand your menu, do you have one with pictures?'

It just seems like it's a life skill to be able to go to a restaurant and confidently order a meal for special occasions.  😞

[Lunar]

Hello @CannonSalt,

That sounds terribly frustrating, I'm sorry that your parents think you are being difficult and not understanding of how you are struggling.

You mentioned that when you read the menu that panic starts to set in and I'm wondering if it's anxiety that is overwhelming you and making you unable to choose. 

Do you experience anxiety in other aspects of your life? Or is it just when ordering food?

Lunar 🙂

[Former-Member]

These are my rules for eating out.

1. Hell yes to internet! Google the menu. If you don't know what a food term is google that. I literally know what I'm eating a week before I go.

2. Hell yes to Social media! Go on to Instagram and look up the restaurant and see pictures they restaurant and customers post. Then you know exactly what it looks like.

3. If it's a new restaurant and invoerment I only like going with 1-2 people. I'm already out of my comfort zone I don't need extra people.

4. Places I know 1000 people could come I don't care.

5. Look at your souroundings. Find the toilet, find the front door. For me these are my I need a moment to myself escape places and I like having a plan on how to get to them.

6. We live in a world again where social media rules. The chef will make you what ever you need. Don't stress. They are competing with other restaurants they want you to love there's. Plus weight staff are humans just like us. No better no worse.

Hope that helps

[CannonSalt]

Hi @Lunar , yes, feeling anxious doesn't help. I experience anxiety in other aspects of my life too, but this is the most recent way it's been set off. I guess I could always just book my own birthday lunch somewhere with pre-research and just give my family the option of coming with me or not... It doesn't exactly show the right spirit, though?