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Altheia
New Contributor

Parter says they feel more like my carer than my partner *Trigger Warning suicide/ self-harm*

Hi all,

 

I hope your week has been kind to you. I'm wanting a second opinion or perhaps some peer feedback on my recent discussion with my partner.

 

I was having a discussion with my partner last night, and he said to me that he feels more like my carer than my partner most of the time, of recent.

 

(Trigger Warning)

 

 

About 3 weeks ago I made a suicide attempt and have self-harmed a few times since then. My partner has never experienced trauma or mental illness, nor dated anyone who has. He has struggled listening to me speak when I am suicidal, and he was first on the scene of my suicide attempt which must have been quite distressing for him. He says he's constantly on edge about me attempting suicide again and that he would blame himself. He says he has been struggling to love me because of this, something along the lines of "do I emotionally invest in this and potentially get crushed? Or do I walk away?"

 

I've always struggled with interpersonal relationships, as most of my past has been filled with abusive ones. I also struggle to reach out for help when things are escalating, partly due to stubborness of wanting to be able to manage my own mental health.

 

Hearing him say these things was rather upsetting, but I told him I understood (I have been in his shoes before) and that he has no obligation to keep such a close eye on me. It has made me feel very guilty, and I feel I may lose him. There is also the very irrational side of me that now feels unlovable and burdonsome, broken and dysfunctional. I'm currently pushing those feelings aside in order to seek help for my partner, but it's very upsetting.

 

I am seeing a regular GP, regular clinical psychologist who specialises in BPD and trauma (though I've run out of free sessions...our government's mental health care plan is really rubbish), and am hoping to join a group class hosted by said psychologist. I attended a BPD conference and have been researching relentlessly on ways I can help support him through this, and how better to manage myself.

 

So I suppose my question is:    Have you had a similar experience? How did it play out? Aside the services I've listed above that I'm currently utilising, is there anything else that you know of that may be helpful in this kind of situation?  Is it understandable and valid that I feel hurt by the things he has said about this?

 

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Even if you don't have answers, feel free to share your story and maybe we can all brainstorm. I hope the rest of your week is lovely. Take care Heart

1 REPLY 1

Re: Parter says they feel more like my carer than my partner *Trigger Warning suicide/ self-harm*

Hi @Altheia Smiley Very Happy

 

A very warm welcome to the SANE Forums. Sorry that you have not received a response to your post. There are lots of people on here with mental health struggles who have shared difficulties in their partner relationships. In this vein, I hope you do attain some peer feedback very soon.

 

It is so hard feeling suicidal and needing support yourself, but then feeling guilty on top of this for how your mental health struggles are affecting your partner. It sounds like you have supports in place (e.g., a GP and a Clinical Psychologist). Does your partner have any such supports for himself? I can also hear a real fear that you could lose your partner; this which may be especially scary, given your past difficulties in interpersonal relationships. As I said, I think it sounds important for both of you to seek individual supports; however, you may also be interested in seeking support together (i.e., couple counselling). Do you think this may be helpful?

 

While you await some replies, you may want to get to know other people with lived experience of mental illness is the "Introduce yourself here" thread.

 

Take care of yourself and please reach out in the forums, if you need!

 

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

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