Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

I was kind of struck by something my ex-crush/friend said to me today.

She works with me, and she owns a cafe in town. She was my barista. I used to visit her every Wednesday, and occasional other days too, even when it was inconvenient. I just loved seeing her.

Two years ago, it went wrong in a very painful way, and of course, I changed cafes.

I said that when I was a customer, I felt bad just standing there while she was working, even though there's no reason to feel that way!

To my surprise, and embarrassment, she said "you haven't been to my shop in a long time." 

I don't know if she meant that as an invitation to come around some day, or whether she was sending the message that bringing that up struck a raw nerve with her. 

I was going to talk to her after the night was over, but I didn't see her.

Since she came back from maternity leave, in December 2019, we have been really nice to each other. Remarkably, though, we haven't talked about it. We have kind of pretended it never happened.

She was comfortably talking to me about separating with her partner, and how her baby was doing, but we haven't talked about me and her. She's seen me cry, but I still haven't told her how I felt and what I was thinking.

I hope she knows there are no hard feelings.. but to even say that terrifies me.

[Maggie]

@Former-Member  I hope your friendship continues. I think, when the time is right, and it’s often a felt thing, you both might talk about the difficult stuff.

Take care.