Lived Experience Forum

[Chris]

My husband sudenly took sick on Tuesday. I had to get an ambulance for him. He has two large blood clots in each lung and several more behind his knee. He has spent four days in coranary care. Thankfully they have found the cause, and his treatment is going well. The specialist told him he is lucky to be alive. This is the third time in fifteen years it has hapened. Its spontainious and due to a gene problem. Ok so he was due to come home today but was experiencing severe pain behind his ear. Its been going on since he was admitted but they were ignoring him untill today. Seems he has shingles! So they started him on medication for that today. You know what the say the sqeeking gate gets oiled. He had to keep on at them about his symptoms. Well ive been going in every day and spending at least two hours with him every day. I feel absolutely drained and worn out.i dont know if im over reacting, but im terefied he is going to drop dead on me. I know with the medication he should be ok. With the added complications of being diabetic and the damage to his heart it is leaving me feeling very wary. On top of this things have come to a head with my son and his x fifty odd phone calls to him a day plus text messages to him , myself, facebook. His solicitor has given her a written warning it has to stop or the police will be involved for an avo. He is unable to see his children at the moment as she wont agree to what visitation he wants. The solicitor said its the worsed case she's seen. He goes to mediation on Monday so hopefully some good will come of it. Im not holding my breath on that one. Needless to say i feel very stressed. Ive kind of gone into auto pilot. All this stuff is bubbling away deep down. I always seem to cope in the crisis, but crash when everything settles.I feel like my needs dont matter right now. Somehow im invisible. Am i being selfish? Sorry for such a long post.

[Former-Member]

hello @Chris

oh my goodness what a time you and your family are going through.

supporting your husband through frightening medical experiences not knowing the outcome. also not being listened to and then finally diagnosed with shingles which can in itself be very painful.

you are there with him daily, putting on a brave face for him then going home, drained.

your son is going through a nightmare. his ex sounds like someone out of fatal attraction. surely the excessive texting  and daily phone calls could be used in his favour for access to his children.

he has a solicitor let the solicitor who is being paid the dollars do the worry and the work.

yes hard for you to separate from they are your grandchildren.

right now though you need to rest so that you are strong for your husband who is going to need your support through his rehabilitation.

life seems to throw everything from all directions at some people. others seem to just coast through.

im in the former category too, as is my twin, as are my two sons.

we just keep getting through. all of a sudden the little things in life are the most important. you read about this stuff in books and then when you experience it, you just smile because you believe.

you will get through this, as much as your heart is aching, your body is weary, your mind is telling you otherwise.

you will get through, you still have your husband as the specialist said he is lucky to be alive. focus on that blessing to give yourself some relief and a sense of family.

wishing you all a safe journey

[Ellu]

Dear Chris,

What a terrible time you have been having You know consciously that your huband is going to be fine, but somewhere in the back of your mind is the thought "what if...". I think it is important to try to relax and trust in the treating team to get him well again. You must be absolutely exhausted spending all your time in he hospital. Try to organise for someone else to be with your husband for a while so that you can get a bit of a break and a rest.

As for your son's situation, that sounds devastating, and is anoher stresor you don't need now. Let's hope the arbitration comes off successfully, but I am sure you are worried and stresed about the situation.

Chris, try to take the pressure off yourself a bit, even in litle ways like having a nice coffee or taking a short walk. Your husband will be back with you soon,and even the worst of situations eventually resolve themselves. Trust in yourself as a srong, capable person with much to offer the world, and have trust and faith inthe future.

Ellu

[Chris]

Cant sleep. Too much going on in my head. My husband has to go to another hospital today to see two specialists. One ent and other infectious desease specialist. They cant work out why he is in so much pain.  The symptoms  of the shingles is affecting three areas. Normally it only affects one. They are very puzzled by his symptoms. His main problem, blood clots he said are responding well to treatment.

Sons problems continue. He has spoken to his girls though today.  There only 7 and 5. Ive arranged to speak to my old psychiatrist,  but its not untill the 23rd. I tried to email him today but it keeps bouncing back. I also emailed my psychologist.  I thought i might get a reply today but nothing. Having said that she would be very busy first day back after the break. My appointment with her is not untill next Thusday. Just cant seem to win anything right now. I'm trying to get in with a new psychiatrist,  but have to wait to see if he will agree to see me. It could be a few more days yet before i find out. God i hope he agrees. I dont know what I'll  do if he doesn't. This last three weeks has felt like an eternity. I need to sleep. I have to be up at seven to go and get blood tests done. 

[Ellu]

Dear Chris,

It sounds as if things  have not improved much for you, except that your husband is in good hands and is being looked after by a good health care team. I hope he continues to improve and that they find out the cause of the pain, It must be very hard for you to watch your husband suffering with all your other problems as well. Have you thought of going to the GP and getting some medication for yourself to calm things down and help you sleep? Not being able to sleep is terrible, it affects your whole day.

I couldn't quite understand whether you are going back to your old psychiatrist or are waiting to see a new one.This is a bad time of year for psychiatrists - they are often still on holidays. When they go away, though, most psychiatrists have a locum, another psychistrist who will fill in for him/her in case of emergencies. It might be worth ringing your psychiatrist's secretary to see if you can get an appointmnet with the locum. If you stress that it is urgent you will probably get in.

As for your psychologist, do the same thing - ring his/her secretary and say you are really desperate for an appointment and can't wait. Psychiatrists and psychologists usually have a bit of time up their sleeve for people who are geuinely desperate.

Try not to let things get you down too much.I know you have some very serious problems with your husband's illness and your son's issues and your own ill health.Perhaps you might like to talk things over with a trained cousellor on the SANE helpline  1800 18 7263. There are also Lifeline and the beyondblue helpline. Sometimes talking things over with a friendly counsellor can make you feel better and even help to discuss ways of approaching problems.

I am wishing you all the best, and I hope that the next time we see you on the forums you have some good news to share.All the best,

Ellu

[Shimmer]

Hi @Chris,

I just wanted to check in with how you're doing today?

It's understandable that you are feeling so stressed with everything that is going on with your husband and son right now.

Your needs do matter. What are they at the moment? I am impressed by your insight in recognising that you are sometimes at risk of a crash after handing a crisis, and I think you are being proactive, not selfish, in reaching out for support for yourself at this time.

You are not invisible to us 

Take care,

Shimmer

[Chris]

Hi everyone

Well my husband came home this afternoon. He has three seperate heath problems. The last one is a rare condition, but it should be able to be treated with medication. He will see his gp tomorrow , then he has to see his specialist in two weeks. Im not sure if he will stay off work untill then. Needless to say he is very happy to be home.

As for me, well i have an appointment tommorow  with my psychologist, a cancelation so i am relieved about that. As regards my psychiatrist,  i have a skype consultation with my old psychiatrist  on the 23rd . Ive been trying to line up someone local but no luck yet. I crashed on the bed this afternoon for an hour. Things with my son are still really stressful. I guess i am trying to take it one day at a time for now.

[Chris]

Hi everyone

Well my husband came home this afternoon. He has three separate heath problems. The last one is a rare condition, but it should be able to be treated with medication. He will see his gp tomorrow , then he has to see his specialist in two weeks. I'm not sure if he will stay off work until then. Needless to say he is very happy to be home.

As for me, well i have an appointment tomorrow  with my psychologist, a cancellation so i am relieved about that. As regards my psychiatrist,  i have a skype consultation with my old psychiatrist  on the 23rd . Ive been trying to line up someone local but no luck yet. I crashed on the bed this afternoon for an hour. Things with my son are still really stressful. I guess i am trying to take it one day at a time for now.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Chris

So glad to hear that your husband is home, i bet he's happy! And glad that he can be treated with medication. What did his drs suggest about time frames for going back to work? Hope he's not too eager and over does it...

Also glad you have an appointment iwth your psychologist tomorrow, i'm sure you've got a lot to talk about after being through so much recently. I hope that it goes well. What do you think of Skyping for an appointment iwth your psych? I see mine similarly via TeleMed but don't feel so comfortable with it (but no choices being country and public patient i think).

I'm taking things day by day as well, so can understand that feeling. I hope things get better with your son soon,

Take care of your self, and keep resting up as needed,

lj

[CherryBomb]

@Chris

In times like this taking it one day at a time is wise. Even minute by minute can help. Glad to hear that your husband is home. 

I'm not sure I understand your last post - do you have an appointment with your psychologist tomorrow or has that been cancelled? It's great to see how resourceful and proactive you've been, booking in appointments with your psych. 

You've got so much on your plate right now. I hope you're taking some time out for yourself. 

CherryBomb