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Something’s not right

Eden1919
Senior Contributor

What to do

I am struggling and really don’t know what to do and no one around me knows how to help either. Basically I was managing ok I was still having a hard time but things were ok this last year and I was at least able to be semi functional but this whole pandemic has completely ruined everything I had worked so hard for. It screwed up my whole uni degree and has meant that I am now living back home with my family which is making things complicated I am not sure what to do but I can’t seem to get back to a place where I am coping and all of my professionals supports are not sure what to do either. I was wondering if I can bounce some ideas around with people here. And sorry in advance for the length. 

 

Trigger warning ahead just in case

 

So I just got out of the hospital today after a super distressing 48 hours where I contacted the crisis team 5 times and was ignored and they even came to my house after the 4th time and left after telling me that I was pretty much wasting their time. About 30 minutes later and I had done something I probably cannot say on here and was then caught trying another thing I cannot say on here and someone who saw me called the police who then called an ambulance and I was taken to hospital. The dr I saw that night said he wanted to admit me to the mental health unit and I was out in an order because “you are too unpredictable” as they said. And was told that they wanted me to have a discussion about a certain medication which I cannot mention as per guidelines. So I was left basically in an interview room for 20 hours because there were no beds on the ward now at this point I saw a second dr who basically said there were no beds and wouldn’t be for possibly a few days and it would mean me staying in the interview room for possibly days now this room was very uncomfortable I didn’t have access to anything to shower with or clean clothes and my iPod was running out of battery as I had had it on the whole time and if it ran out then it would be a disaster as the interview room was very quiet which is super bad for me when I am hearing things a lot. So I had said to the dr that being in that particular space would make things worse. Especially because I had been trying very hard to keep calm and not get super agitated which has been a big problem in the past for me and I didn’t think I could stay calm if I had to stay there much longer. Basically I had to choose between 2 bad options and I chose home but nothing has been resolved or even helped and I am still feeling really on edge and the dr said that they were working again tomorrow and to come back if I wasn’t ok. 

 

I dont know what to do I am still feeling really all over the place and I am still really scared and paranoid about everyone and everything and I am trying to hold myself together but after yesterday or the day before and what I did I don’t know if I can I still don’t even know why I did what I did exactly I just couldn’t stop. But I also am now still very scared of the hospital staff and this whole thing is just making me feel more like people are out to get me and like everything is not really people or what it looks like. And I am supposed to call my psychiatrists office tomorrow and I don’t know what to say the crisis team who ignored me and told me to stop calling is supposed to check in with me but I doubt they will and I don’t really want to speak with them anyway, I just feel like I am out of options. I wondered about private hospitals but there is only one in my area and it isn’t very good and I would consider interstate but it may not be possible considering the situation. But also I am not even sure if it would help I don’t know that anything will all I know is that I am not able to keep myself together right now even though I am trying very hard too. 

 

Um the question so if I well if you were in my situation and hospital where I live was traumatic and made things worse would you consider private even if it was also not good? And how are you supposed to tell someone you are not ok when you are struggling to communicate and when people are not understanding you? I am sorry I don’t really know what I am asking or how to ask what I am wanting very well right now, if anyone even reads all of this thank you and sorry it was so long. Sorry it is so messy . 

84 REPLIES 84
Dancer9
Senior Contributor

Re: What to do

Hi @Eden1919  Im sorry to hear the last few days have been so hard for you and Im sitting with you. 

I think its always best to at least consider all your options and I know the other forum members will support you in making decisions about where to go from here. 

Re: What to do

@Eden1919  Hey Eden1919 sorry things are still going tough for you, from what I know a private hospital probably wont take you if you are very unstable atm ..... imho I would try and get back into the public system however unpalatable that my seem. I have some good private facilities where I live but they wouldnt take me if I was hearing voices and having paranoid thoughts .... it is more for depression etc..

 

Just  be careful as if you are deemed a danger to yourself or others your choice and control over your care will be taken away from you so it is best to meet the powers that be half way in situations like this. Just saying. Take care. peaxxx

Re: What to do

@Dancer9 @greenpea  Thank you for replying. I am worried about if private would take me I mean I am trying hard to stay as calm as possible but I do get scared that I would get there and they would send me to public anyway. I am also scared because yesterday night when the dr saw me I hadn’t even said I wouldn’t stay but he said he was going to put me on an order anyway and said he wanted me to go to the “vulnerable people’s area” on the ward because I was “at risk”. But I don’t remember all of what he said because I got scared but I thought I was being very cooperative and I was still put on an order. But now I am really scared because I feel like I have ruined like literally everything, and I should have just tried harder because what they said is coming true and this is why I shouldn’t ignore them.  

Re: What to do

@Eden1919  It sounds like you were doing the best you can and thats all you can be expected to do. I hear it as them putting the order on as someone was finally listening when you were saying you werent okay rather then you werent cooperating but thats just my interpretation

Re: What to do

@Eden1919  Eden1919 I agree with Dancer9 wholeheartedly. Try and go with the flow and accept the help that you really do need hun. It has been a long time coming but take the help otherwise it will only put off the inevitable which wil be worse down the track. Love always peax

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: What to do

@Eden1919 , you are doing doing the very best you can right now honey and that is enough. I am sorry you are having such a rough time, hope that you can get the help that you need. 

Re: What to do

@Gazza75  Where have you been? Hugs, hugs and more hugs!!:D:D:D:D:D

Re: What to do

@Former-Member @greenpea @Dancer9  Thank you all for replying, I really don’t know what to do now though I slept a little this morning but I am still feeling very off and scared and panicked, mostly because I keep thinking that the people at the hospital did something to me while I was there cause they gave me meds to sleep and I tried to stay awake cause I was scared but I couldn’t and I was physically exhausted as well but now I am scared of what happened while I was asleep. And I am supposed to try and contact my psychiatrist but I am struggling to talk again and I feel like they will just say that if it is urgent to call the crisis team, who was supposed to follow up today but hasn’t no surprise. I am just having a really hard time communicating and I don’t know that I have the energy or ability right now to ask or tell people if I am not going ok. I tried so hard before and now everything is just really weird idk how to describe it. And it keeps making me stressed because people keep asking what I want/need from them but I don’t know and then they say do I want x but I can’t decide and I think they think I am just being difficult but I genuinely can’t make a decision about anything right now. 

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: What to do

Ohh sweetie, I can understand your fear around the hospital as I have huge anxiety around being in the hospital and completely freak out if they have to give me anything to sleep. I don't like not knowing what is happening around me or to me while I am there. When you fell asleep where you at home or at the hospital? If you where home, did you not feel safe in your space? I think definitely try your best to call your pyschiatrist and try to communicate what is happening for you.

 

I hate it when I am asked what I want/need from people as I struggle to know what I need at the best of times let alone while I am at breaking piont. I understand not being able to make decisions when things are this tough.

 

I am not sure if I am helping at all, just know that I am here if you want to chat @Eden1919  

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