Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Thsnks @utopia I’m on the couch watching tv. Hopefully it won’t come back. I’ve had a few over the past 2 months. 

[BlueBay]

Oh I think I can feel another migraine. 

Each time I turn my head I feel sick. I think an early night tonight. I hope I can sleep I don’t want another night like last night. 

@utopia@Zoe7@Faith-and-Hope@Shaz51

[Zoe7]

I hope you can sleep too BB - and I hope you don't get another migraine. I am having an early night too @BlueBay - tired already and haven't had meds yet but don't think I will need them to get to sleep - just need them to stay asleep. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️ @BlueBay ....

[Shaz51]

@BlueBay

[BlueBay]

Hi @Razzle

hope this will not trigger you 😞

when all my childhood sexual abuse came out almost 9 yrs ago I did go to the police in charge of child sexual abuse. I spoke to a detective who gave me a complete run down of how the justice system would work. Because the abuse happened 40 years ago it would be treated as an historical abuse. And they can still go to court and the outcome or the penalty would go back to the 1970’s. They look bsvk at thst year and see what the penalty was and that’s what would happen now. (Does thst make sense hstd to explain)
he did say I would have to remember everything from what I was wearing to exactly what the abusers did. How am i meant to remember what i wore, i do remember wearing a dress but thats it.  He said it would be very traumatic going to court. He also said that sometimes i could lose the case and then that would be very upsetting to go through.  Also it could trigger me again. Giving my statement and to really think if I would want to go through all this. At the time because all this was very raw, overwhelming and traumatic I chose not to go ahead.
But he said historical abuse - the cases are always open. And if I decided to go ahead later on I still csn.  I still have the detective's name if i do chose to go ahead.

I did give him my name and the names of the abusers but he only wanted them I guess to check if they had been charged before.  Although he never told me.

At the time i was really angry and told him i would write a letter to one of the abusers because i found out where he lives.  he said to not do that because it would result in me getting into trouble. i didn't do it but i really wanted to.  just to let him know i remember what he did.

i hope this helps you understand a little,  but this is only my case of what happened when i saw a detective.  I believe that if you live in QLD you can anonamously report a childhood abuse.  i did look into that to see if Victoria had the same - but they didn't.

BB 

[Razzle]

@BlueBay  Thankyou for sharing that information.  

For me, the first assault (the group assault) I can remeber every last detail, down to what I was wearing, and that happened 40years ago. (I was 8). I can remember one of them leading me away from the pool to the toilet block, the only thing I can’t remember is what he said to me to get me to go with him.  The 2nd assault I remeber everything, even how he got me to go with him.  (He was someone from the first group, this was a couple of weeks after the group).

My biggest problem/fear is that one of the people in this group is a very good friend of my oldest brother.  My brother has a pretty short fuse, it doesn’t take much to tick him off, if he knew about this guy I’m worried he would do something to him and be the one to end up in jail.

The next assault a year or so later is where it gets sketchy.  I know how I got there, I know what I was wearing because I get a flash back to seeing me looking down over my body and I see my clothes.  This was the first time I “stepped out”.  My brain took me to a boat surrounded by water where I felt calm and safe and I cloud watched.  When I was aware of myself again I was walking outside along the rail tracks but I was in a bindii plant and the prickles were sticking in my feet.  I know something terrible  happened but I can’t remeber the details.

The last one was different, he was an old man and he abused me for around 18months, starting when I was 11.  I was aware of almost everything he did, but at times when he became violent I would “step out”, but not always.  He moved town when I was 12, but he died when I was around 16, so nothing can be done there anyway.

My councillor asked if I wanted to go to the police, but I flat out refused, not to protect any of these people but to protect myself, and in a way to protect my family.  But, I do worry that these people have gone on to do it again.  I’m pretty sure with the last one that I was his last victim, but I’m also sure I wasn’t his first.  My councillor also said that because there is no evidence, cases like this don’t usually make it to court and of the ones that do there are very few convictions.

I don’t want to go to court, I just want police to know who they are so that they can be prevented from doing it to someone else, and I don’t think that option is possible.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Razzle sorry I didn’t reply earlier I just got home from work. 

I think you csn still ask the police about these guys names snd let them know they possibly could hsve abused other children. And they you’re telling them because you don’t want this abuse to happen to other children. 

It might be worth just a phone csll snd speak to someone in thst department. 

BB XXOO

[Razzle]

Thanks @BlueBay.  I know I should say something, but the thought terrifies me. I keep running through all the scenarios in my head, about what the fallout would be, and it always ends badly in my thoughts.  It all happened so long ago, but I’m still gripped by fear like it was just yesterday.  

I’ll give it some serious thought, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to do it at the moment.

[BlueBay]

@Razzle No one can push you to go. It has to be your decision. It’s a tough one But know but there’s no pressure. 

I can totally it’s terrifying I do understand ❤️