Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[outlander]

thanks @Smc and yeah im recognised as pops carer. i tried speaking to mum about this tonight and that didnt go well at all. she doesnt think ay of this is neccessary and when i was talking about the myagedcare thing she doesnt think its neccessary either, which i can see what she means by that but shes going to be at work when the surgury happens, and the rest of the family doesnt help so where is that going to leave me when i need to have a breather....
i guess ill just have to wait until closer, and make sure the house is clean and fridges etc are stocked up so im not stressing so much. it seems ill need to take it literally day by day.

[Smc]

@outlander, as long as your Mum can be talked around to supporting it, an aged care assessment can only help. They can assess the person as not being in need of assistance; as being eligible for low level assistance; or as eligible for full care. But none of this forces the person to accept assistance, it just means it's available for them if they need it.

We had to go through this with my parents. Mum hadn't had an assessment at all, and I think Dad had, but it had gone out of date. I think Mum felt as if she was going to be pushed into getting care when she didn't want it. We just wanted to be sure she could get it when she needed it.

[outlander]

Sorry @Smc i really didn't explain that very well at all.
I meant i spoke to my mum about how i could help pop ( thats who i care for 🙂 ) and how to make sure hes ok while i cant do as much.
My pop doesnt mind if i enlist some help, he is actually accepting of it for once. I was trying to explain to her that i would need some help looking after pop ( mums dad) for a few days so was looking at organising things like meals on wheels or a cleaner to come in just once or twice to help keep the house tidy etc. But i ended up closing the conversation as i could see it was just going to end up as an argument.

I dont think pop would qualify for much right now because when im well im ok with everything its just a few days i needed abit of help but it seems i wont be able to organise anything without getting yelled at.

[outlander]

Im still not sure if I explained that properly 😕

[Smc]

@outlander, maybe neither of us is explaining ourselves very well.... 🙂

My experience with my parents was being able to see that they badly needed help, but Mum was flatly refusing anything on offer, and yes, getting mad if we tried to push it. They both needed a higher and more long term level of help than your Pop does, but I suspect that otherwise it was a similar situaltion.

Would your Mum be more accepting of something specifically for your Pop, such as a personal carer taking him out for a cuppa once every couple of days while you're recovering? Paid carers are trained to be on the lookout for any problems that might be developing, so as well as being company they would provide some unobtrusive oversight.

[outlander]

thank you @Smc
No, unfortunatly that was what i was actually trying to organise for pop while i needed a few days to recover. Someone to come in and take him out or just be here and have a cuppa with him, perhaps help with meals if need be and just a quick tidy up as ill have cleaned properly before i go.

Im still struggling with it though, i dont think ill be getting anyone in so im trying to think of ways that will make things easier for me and him for the time i need to be taking it easy.


would you or anyone have some suggestions now that i think having outside help is unlikely to happen and that includes cleaners and meals on wheels and things?

im really stressing about it, more so becasue pop is gettin quite forgetful. ive told him 5 times the same thing in 2 days but other things on top. 




@greenpea@Shaz51@Former-Member@Former-Member

[Former-Member]

Hi @outlander,sounds like you’re really worried about this.

- frozen meals (labelled & dated)

- jellies & icecream for you 🙂

- stock up fridge

- catch up on all housework beforehand 

-  plan to ‘do the basics’ for a week

Try have someone come stay with your pop while your away. Or at least visit with a meal.

Just be matter s fact about

- being away is necessary

- pop needs supervision. 

- then walk away.

You’ll be surprised how well it all works out.

out at the moment, back later 🙂

[Smc]

Better include some more nutritious mushy food too. I know from experience that post-dental painkillers and a largely empty stomach are a bad combination. Major wooziness.

I've made things like thick soups and tuna mornay with grated vegs instead of chopped ones as "recovery foods".

[outlander]

Thanks @Former-Member (i still cant see your pic) i am really worried about the whole thing.

Ill only be away for a night or 2 only cause the hospital is 2.5 hrs away and i dont particularly want to go on a train after that surgury so will stay up there the night after and possibly the night before.
Im going to ask my aunt to check in on him for me. Ill be home the rest of the time but wouldve appreciated help.
After xmas ive organised a big cleanup and so the house will be easier to manage.
❤

Hi @Smc thanks for those suggestions too. This will be my first major surgical procedure and my first dental extraction ( or 6 😮 ) 2 in 1 go 😣 so im really freaking out quite alot. None of my family that ive spoken to have had anything more than just one tooth out at a time.
❤

[Former-Member]

It’s hard not to get anxious with surgery. I use to nurse people that came into hospital for a GA to have w’teeth removed. And it amazed me the amount of swelling after, but it quickly goes down. The mouth heals fast, even better if you get into Vit-C (1,000mg every 3hrs). They’ll have mouth washes for you to do after a day or so (use to be salt water). And anaesthetic makes you sleepy for a day or so 🙂 Careful driving 🚗
Everything will be ok. 🌸💕