17-05-2018 01:12 PM
17-05-2018 01:40 PM
Generally when people hear their faults coming from their partner they take it as a personal attack and get defensive, especially if they have mental health issues.
His mental health issues can effect his self-esteem as well which would also make him act the way he does.
I'm not excusing his behaviour because I don't think the way he treats you is right, I'm just explaining why I believe he does.
I think getting a counsellor or social worker involved would benefit - he could hear someone else's point of view etc. and the person won't get emotional about the things that you would when trying to explain. Whether you get a couples / marriage counsellor or someone specifically to talk to him and you are there for support if required. I definitely think it's a good option to help salvage the situation.
17-05-2018 02:02 PM
17-05-2018 02:12 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about how challenging your experience has been @marie11
Abuse is never ok and as @Earthsucks mentioned, I rekcon it would be good to chat with a counsellor for some support. There's a service called 1800RESPECT that you might be intersted in. It's a free 24hour service and you can contact them here
Look after yourself and keep reaching out for support 🌻
17-05-2018 02:31 PM
What your husband is doing is abuse - I haven't been in your position but I am divorced and know that it's often the last thing we want to do but it can be the most important thing we want to do
And from your story it sounds as if it is really hard
What I know about BPD is from my son - he had no sense at all about other people's barriers and crashed through them and had abrupt personality changes from wonderful to terrible and back again which confused people - and so I get that part well - it is a rotten position to be in - in my son's case no one believed me how bad it was until he died abd then everyone did
It's a long time ago now but having someone indulging themselves in such destructive behaviour is soul-destroying and I hope you can get some help - you have work hard all your life to provide and now all of this
I wish you the best - it must be a nighmare you can't wake up from
17-05-2018 02:53 PM
I am one of those husbands with BPD. It tears me apart to say it, but my wife walking away from me was what has led me to look at myself. I am not telling you what to do at all.
I knew my poblems, though was in denial about my diagnosis, and my wife was punished for my lack of action. I don't know how you feel, I'm not you. But I know that BPD sufferers can be a very damaging presence.
I made my wife my soul source of happiness/existence. It was too much pressure for one person. I don't know if you are made to feel them same.
As I say, I can't advise you on what to do. I can only say I refused to even look at myself until I had lost that one special person. She had to walk. She knew in her heart I wouldn't change while she was around.
I didn't realise I was hurting her the way I was either. Not sure if he really gets it, not if he and I are at all similar. We have a daughter too, and i know my nature was affecting her. For her sake I am glad I am not living with her right now.
I can't tell you what to do. I can only tell you what my wife did in your shoes.
Good luck and stay strong.