Lived Experience Forum

[Whim]

Hi @Appleblossom

So sorry this response is so late. My depression and anxiety peaked somewhat the day after my post.

It's good to meet you too. Thank You for your reply. Knowing someone who also struggles has taken the time to reply means soooooo much.

I hope you are having a time of peace and support.

Whim x

[Whim]

Hi @Decadian

I am SO sorry to hear that your son died. I simply cannot imagine. I lost my 33 yr old fiance to cancer and know the madness his Mum went through, and I just can't imagine. I know how grief rocked my core, and he was not my child.

Thank You so much for sharing. 

I'm sorry it's taken me a few days to reply. My depression etc went downhill and I'm now just trying to reach a safe level again. 

You say I have been to the edge, so have you. You are amazing to be so giving, as are all the people who reply, and even though I do not know your face, I feel connected somehow.

I hope you are having a time of peace and support. I wish you ALL that is good in this world,

Whim x

[Former-Member]

Hi @Whim,

ive just read your post. Thanks for sharing. You have a great deal to cope with by yourself. I'm just coming off a really rocky week but feel ok for now. I guess I just wanted to check in and say hi and ask how you going at the moment. 💜😊

[PurpleFlowers]

Hi @Whim,

Firstly, thank you for sharing your story and I appreciate your honesty about your level of vulnerability.  I relate to parts of your story and great inner conflict.   When I reflect now on my early years as a parent and having great difficulty with anxiety and depression, the isolation for me really accerbated everything.  It was a double edged sword, I had a lot of personal awareness and insight and felt to soldier on because I could and at the same time being disconnected from others.  I think in our western society and its encouragement of individualistic lives we are paying a big price.  I look at other cultures and whom maybe poorer and of course are faced with big challenges and at the same time their level of family and community connection is quite profound.  Everything about our lives today is more separate and I think its taking a big toll.  I think it is even more incredibly brave that you have shared that you are a professional alongisde having these struggles and of which many of us share in and can relate to.  Im glad you have shared what you did, it has made a big difference to me and I hope you soon can find a sense of solace and connection that is meaningful and helpful to you with all that you are coping with at this time.  Thanks again.

[Whim]

Hi @Former-Member

Thank you soooo much for taking the time to check in. I'm sorry to hear you have had a bad week, but so pleased to hear you are feeling better now.

I'm....... okay. I'm alone now, again with my son. I had a friend over for a play date, and now it is over and the stillness is creeping in. But I'm so much better than I was. My med increase has helped enormously.

It's a minute by minute or moment to moment journey at the moment. I try to talk myself through the rough times. This forum has helped me feel less isolated. the fact people reply, and care how you are is amazing.

I want to be that for others, but right now it's a bit too hard, but I will try!

Thanks again, you are so kind to check in, when your own life can be so topsy-turvy.

Whim x

[Former-Member]

Hi @Whim

Thank you for sharing your story.. there was much that i could relate to. I have a special little boy who has RAD and/or Autism. he's an amazingly bright, loving, busy, crazy lil guy. I'm a teacher.. and its been so hard to balance my mental health, looking after my son and working. In my job i sometimes advise parents, seek referrals for kids, attend meetings with cahms, social workers, psychs etc to support children... some of these people are the same people that i have to see about my own ... difficultes with ptsd, depression and anxiety. i live in a regional town so the crossing of paths is unavoidable... and i have experienced that burning feeling of shame as well. However... at least we are seeking support, working ot be the best version of our selves that we can be... at least most days lol. 

I'm so glad to hear that being on the forums has been helpful. Feeling connected has been extremely important for me as well. 

Take care, and I look forward to seeing you around the forums.

LJ

@PurpleFlowers Hi and Welcome to the forums! I hope that you will find this space supportive and helpful as well. 

Lj

[Whim]

@PurpleFlowers

Thank You so much for your reply.

I'm typing away in the kitchen, and don't know how much time I will get before my beautiful boy comes in to distract me! I am so pleased that my post helped you in some way. I agree entirely that we are far to individualistic in our society. I always say to a VERY select few that "I need a village" to help raise my boy, and just manage life really. I am very isolated, and I know that my dep and anxiety harbours that like an evil incubation box within my mind and the strange processes within it. However... I AM better than I was. I was constantly on to Samaritans, as I find Crisis care to confrontive. I still rock on the sofa every night, but the rocking is less. Yes, I phoned Samaritans 2 days ago, but hope tonight will be better. Being alone is not good for me. But I spend half the year alone.

On the Individualist thing.... I thought I would share a story with you.

When I was 17 I went to Rajasthan, India to do volunteer work. I dug wells etc, but also made puppets out of proper, clay-like papier mache, to do a performance for the villagers Christmas day. They were drying on the flat roof. That night it rained. My instant thought was, "Oh no! The puppets!". Then I hear noise, then more noise, and on leaving my shelter I found the entire village outside dancing. Every man, woman and child, even babies in arms were dancing in the rain. Women sang and men played drums. It showed me how differently people can see the same situation. To them, in Tilonia, a small village, rain is life, of course, and yet my first thought was to a materialistic thing.... puppets.

I saved the puppets, and danced til dawn.

To me, this forum is a village. It helps me sooooo much. I hope you find the same support here. As I said to another member, I don't know your face, even your sex or age, but that doesn't matter. It's the care that I feel that helps soothe my mind. 

THANK YOU for your response. I hope to be so supportive to others in this group.

Whim x

[Whim]

Hi @Former-Member

Thank you for your reply. I am constantly blown away by the replies, when I know it must take extra energy, time etc to do so. I'm going to try to be that for others on this forum.

Yes, the regional town and being a teacher must make paths cross all the time. I feel you understand me with my beautiful boy, having a child with challenges as well. That must be interesting, confronting and difficult as a teacher, knowing the hoops people have to jump through, referring to the same people etc. I find sometimes, actually most of the time, that my profession can work against me, as the select few I 'let in' are always like "Oh well, at least you understand your mind and have connections" Yeah.... Hmmmmm.

Having PTSD, dep and anxiety must be so hard. Are you seeing anybody to support you? I hope you have support. All I can say is that this forum has been my lifeline. It is people like YOU that help me go on. So thank you again. I'm here if ever you want to talk.

Whim x

[PurpleFlowers]

Hi lisajane,

Thank you for your welcome, much appreciated and I look forward to sharing and offering support where I can.

[PurpleFlowers]

Hi @Whim

Thank you for your reply, very much appreciated.  Yes, I agree wholeheartedly about needing a village to raise our children and yet so far from the reality for many of us.  What a great 'village story' and experience to be able to reflect upon.  With everything you have honestly shared it sounds like you are doing an amazing job with your little boy and everything your coping with.  In your sharing and the reading of others it is giving me some ideas of things that I may try next to help myself and it is already lessening my lonliness living with mi.  Too many years of coping alone, some help with professionals but it is not the same as having someone you can really relate to with good honest sharing.   I will share more of my story in time, just giving myself a bit of space to absorb what the forums offer and how best I can best relate and support where possible.  Thanks again, glad you have had some improvement, a little can go a long way when the suffering is intense.  Take Care.  PurpleFlowers