Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Boo13]

My 16year old son made his 3rd attempt on his life this morning.  This is the 3rd attempt n 3 months. I am still in ED after 10 hours waiting for the adult acute mental ward to find a bed for him.  His psychiatrist says he is to be admitted again.  My son has spent 6 weeks ( 3 different periods) in hospital over the last 3 months.  He even went to a private hospital for 3 weeks interstate.  He has great support from the CAHMS team, but it doesn't seem to matter how good or well intentioned the support and services, he just doesn't seem to want or be able to help himself.  His medications keep being adjusted and no levels seem to work.  He has psychotic depression and his voices tell him to harm himself or others.

I feel angry, helpless, guilty and frustrated.  I know he is unwell, but feel like shaking him at times to get him to start talking.  He won't open up and if he doesn't talk, he will never get better.  He says he feels numb and that there is nothing inside.  This breaks my heart.

I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel, except despair.  I just want to scream.  His Dad is frustrated too. His psychiatrist is also concerned about us and has offered counselling.  I am happy o participate, but I don't think my husband will.  (He thinks it is jumbo jumbo). 

Not sure what tomorrow will bring.......just needed to put my thoughts down and share them in a safe environment before my head explodes.

[Determined]

Hi @Boo13

Unfortunately I dont have any answers for you but I wanted to let you know you had been heard and I can relate to some of the feelings you are describing. My wife is currently in hospital (private hospital mental health ward), this is her 4th admission this year. Very confusing times. 

It is good you have been able to reach out here, I have found the support here to be a huge help over the last 6 months.  

[patientpatient]

Hi @Boo13, I read your story and some earlier posts. There's some general and useful information on pyschosis here. It's an awfully difficult time but it's better to redirect the anger, frustration and guilt if you can. There could be so much going on inside your son's head that it's difficult or impossible for him to start talking. Anti-psychotic meds take weeks and months to act. There are many different medications and finding the right one involves trial and error. It also takes time to gradually increase the dose to levels where they can become effective. When my son had psychosis, we tried really hard to get him out of hospital and he left after two weeks. The doctors told us that the usual stay was five weeks or longer. So we got him home, he relapsed and had to be hospitalised again. Beware of unconsciously blaming your son for his illness, or thinking he can just snap out of it, or thinking that he's not really trying. Also beware of wanting a quick fix. As in the Sane notes, "Treatment for psychotic illness can last 2–5 years, or even longer." It can be a very long tunnel. Get plenty of rest, and perhaps share this post with his Dad.

[Exhausted1]

Oh @Boo13 that is so sad and I feel so sorry for you. Your post had me tearing up, I could hear the anguish and the pain and I have felt that before myself. I dont have any advice but I am sending some hugs your way, the pain of watching your own child like this cannot be put into words. I completely understand how you just want to shake him, you are frustrated and frustration is a normal human emotion. As parents we so desperately want them to be better, sometimes taking a few moments away to centre ourselves is very beneficial to everyone.

We are hear to listen and empathise if that is of any help.

My thoughts are with you.

[Pebbles]

Hi @Boo13 🙂

I'm glad you have found a space in which you can share what's happening for you, I really relate to the benefit of being able to get rid of what's going on in my head before exploding at times too.

How are you going now a few days on from you initial post? Is your son in hospital?

It's nice to hear that the psychiatrist is also able to see the impact things are having on you both as parents, I wonder if having you're own therapy together could help show your son that speaking with professionals overtime can be of assistance?  

Please know that the Sane Help Centre is available M-F 9am-5pm if anyone needs somebody to speak with and be heard. 

Making time for caring for yourselves as individuals is of importance too, what do you like to do for yourself as self care? Self love and kindness can go a long way 

[Boo13]

Thank you all for replying, caring and providing support.  My son is still in the short term adult unit at the hospital, waiting for a bed in either the private or public long term voluntary units here.  They have again changed his medications and he is in a safe environment.  We have returned to work and visit him at night.  I am a lot calmer now, takings things one day at a time and blessed he is still here.  

He is still my son, a kind, intelligent and loveable boy.

[Shaz51]

thinking of you today @Boo13 , how are you tonight

[Appleblossom]

@Boo13 It is a terribly difficult time for you and him.

Maybe your last sentence: "He is still my son, a kind, intelligent and loveable boy." could become a mantra that you cocoon in your heart.

It can be difficult keeping faith and hope alive in oneself as we walk with our children.

Gently with you and him.