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Our stories
Dear @Sophia1
Thank you for noticing my post on my "vulnerable" goto thread.
Still feeling extremely vulnerable but all possible and necessary good steps have been taken.
Regarding mnotherhood, it is still very tricky. I know deep down I have done all I can genuinely dug deep and even on many general standards have done very well, but for some reason, it is still a walking on egg shells experience. Nothing to be taken for granted.
Hearing you about the problems of overbearing people within churches. Know what that is like, but finding council community cultures pretty much the same, in terms personality styles and politics, just slightly different wording and justifications. I am much more wary and not concerned with proving myself. I will go in shielded with spiritual sword and shield. I do need to make steps to end my isolation, for my own and my family's well being.
Your friendship means a lot.
Your 2 boys probably have some of the polarising dynamic that occurs among my 3 children.
I just wrote a little about it to @Historylover on her thread.
I am aware that most of my son's energy & attention is to building his own sense of identity. That is as it should be. Last night he told me a few times he loved me.
Regarding friendships and love. That is fine. There is the old concept of agape which is love of all human kind or Buddhist compassion for all living beings .... and then there are deeper specific resonances. Glad to know you Bella. Dont worry, but cannot spare time for creative fantasy right now.
@Appleblossom - perhaps it was you some time ago who mentioned the not-so-nice women you encountered at u3a. If so, that was my experience too. A clique and when you can take no more of trying to fit in, you drop out and then they think it reflects on you - but "you will always be welcome to return'. Sure. And then more back-stabbing and gossip. Am I becoming embittered? 
You're so lucky to have family @Appleblossom. I have no-one and really don't know if I'll ever have trust in anyone again. I'm not trying anymore.
What others think of us, indeed!! How convenient that they are held in a clique by collaboration with others who are content to backstab and gossip. It keeps them safely ensconced in their coccoon. I only want to have conversations which are intelligent and don't infringe on others' right to privacy and happiness - and just have some fun!! Is it possible or am I a dreamer? Where do I find decent people in real life who are prepared to take me on as warts and all as I am prepared to do for them?
I have a lovely young - by comparison - neighbour who is very undeservedly single. I'd love to get to know her as it takes people of all ages to make the world go around, but I think she may prefer people who are more her own age. We chat from time to time. She's delightful. I find other friendship groups are more like dating groups - and that isn't what I'm looking for.
I am currently trying to put together my annotated bibliography and wish I could be availed of your vast experience - across the table! I'll just plod on and hope for a pass at least! The assignment is so particular in its requirements.
Just whinging...
Sending best wishes.
Thanks @Sophia1
Hope carers lunch goes reasonably. I have been to a few over the years and mixed experiences. Yet at least it is good to be stand up and be counted in that role.
I have 2 medical appointments, and heaps of plants to put in at physio garden.
Love the abundance of Spring.
Hearing you about biblios! ... sigh ...but keep studying as long as it works for you. Being a life long learner, is a healthy way to live, keeps one humble about what one does not know, and keeps the mind alive as it gains new skills and insight. Its a win win ... until its not ... I also balance out adding to my HECS debt and whether there will be a net benefit ... Played recorder this morning. Will try the sopranino, which I have never bothered about before ... so thats something new.
Hearing you about local community and younger relationships. Its good you see the good in her. What may unfold, happens over time.
One thing I am lucky for is that I have been in one place for 20 years, rather than the disrutpions of my childhood. It enables the relationships to gradually accumulate. Also I am less needy and that often helps as I do not over invest myself too quickly, as I may have in young adulthood.
Sadly I do not have any family as support. The fact of my life is that my family really was not effective in supporting me for a whole host of reasons, due to being dead, or broke, or suffering mental illness, or being preoccupied with their own narrow nuclear family and being too competitive, successful in society, but guilty about the deaths they did not try and prevent, so building walls around their little consciences. In many ways I am a self made woman. That I survived at all is almost a miracle.
I share with Sophia concern over an adult make son. It is hard work, but without blame for him. It is the way it is. Life is not a level playing field.
