Hi All, I am 28, diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder in 2007, I had to drop my engineering course because of it. I was admitted in mental hospital for 20 days. I had mood swings, delusions, and auditory hallucinations. Docs recommended ECT, took it for around 5-6 times. Docs previously prescribed anti-psychotic medication but later changed to another antipsychotic drug. After quitting engineering course, I joined university for degree in chemistry, Botany and Zoology, initially I had lot of problem in concentrating in class and also reading for exams. Although I scored less, managed to pass in first year. Later I developed concentration and managed to secure a degree in first class. In college life, although I didn't revel about my mental illness except few close friends. I remember pupils making fun of me when I was washing hands repeatedly with soap for 10 mins, and checking whether I have secured the lock properly of my bike repeatedly. I realised I may have OCD. But didn't go meet my psychiatrist for that. I was regularly visiting my psychiatrist every six months. Although I haven't had repeated episode later on, but my first episode was worst, I was very violent, not trusting anyone, had lot of delusions. Delusions were about anti-feminism, which I read a lot in a forum, and hearing voices, like some divine god, telling me to trust the person or not, or he/she is good or bad. Now, after treatment, I feel amused by those thoughts which I got when I was sick. After completing my degree, I joined Masters ii n Zoology and also completed it in first class. I was happy that I could achieve this even though psychiatrist told once, that, I couldn't able to complete even a degree with a mental illness like this! Later on I challenged my self to complete an Eligibility exam for Assistant professor, and completed it with good rank of 203 in the state out of 80,000 aspirants. I feel hopeless, worthlessness and suicidal sometimes. My mind goes back to delusion, if i don't give work to it. So I always keep myself occupied with reading, writing or watching documentaries & movies. Also i took weekend classes for Spanish language for 3 years to keep myself busy and keep my mind occupied during weekends and I secured a degree in that as well, i did it while doing my Masters' degree. Sometimes I get depression, and once it became severe and I was thinking of suicide every time. Docs prescribed an antidepressant. I just took it for few days, after that I became OK. Later my father got ill and he passed away. I got very much depressed when I remember him. I managed suicidal thoughts, whenever I got it, I used to write it, after writing it, there was an outlet to my feelings, then I read, whatever I had written, which makes me to introspect it, and I feel I am too silly to think about suicid, when there no as such big issue. My gf also left me, after knowing I have mental illness and I get angry too soon. My one problem is, I am finding it too difficult to get a job, even though I got a job as Lecturer, I quit it within 10 days, even though it was a long awaited job. I live in India, here jobs are very difficult to get. Even though I managed one, I soon quit it. I also wrote articles, poems, sketched my ex's face and my articles got published as well. Now, I have got 4 publications. I am planning to move out of my current city.But I will take it as a challenge again to secure a good job:).Also I can make friends quickly & make them laugh. Also I am practising Boxing from past 9 years, trained under an Olympian coach. This is my story!
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