Lived Experience Forum

[zxc1]

my wife and I bought a house Jan 2023. Not long after construction of a large medical facility started across the road began. it's worried me and given me anxiety. we have invested everything we have and more into the purchase. I'm really worried about the bad decision I made buying the house. Also the street we are on is busier than I thought it would be. I'm depressed, anxious and feel trapped. my gp said I have adjustment disorder but it's been ongoing for over 12 mths now. I'm on some commonly prescribed ssri. My worry about the house, how silly I was to buy it  and the future is consuming me. I'm also worried about the maintenance on the house. it was a very expensive purchase. My wife has been great but she is rightfully over it. she likes the house and doesn't want to move. All I want to do is get out of the situation. it's actually damaging our relationship. 

[McFluffy]

Hello.

The house situation sounds tricky.  Being in a location that is less than our expectations I imagine would be difficult and consuming.  What a conundrum....

Your wife does sound like a good person, and the way you talk about her sounds like you'd like things to be better, maybe more like it was or could be.  Have you asked her how she'd like to help to reconstruct the relationship with you to achieve shared goals?  Sounds like she's interested in continuing things, taking on a house together is usually a sign of trust.

We all need to acknowledge, taking on a debt is stressful in itself.  Debt is a long term commitment.  The first period of purchases may seem not very rewarding, it will resolve itself over time.

Buying a house is unbelievably stressful, it takes time to find our roots in the new house.  Making the space our own is challenging.  Adaptation doesn't have a correct route.  You do sound like you're finding a way, maybe expectations about time have been more than a little unforgiving to yourself.

If the space isn't "bonding" as the way you like, maybe think about how you can help make your space fit within a different environment.  Local councils usually have a community gardening program.  Making streets and parks nicer for everyone. Maybe volunteering one or two hours a week/fortnight/month might help create the wider community space more your space.  I live near some sand dunes.  Our council has a dune conservation and rehabilitation planting group.  For me knowing I've added to the area has made me feel more connected to both people and building a physical connection to a chunk of land .

This works for me, might not be the right fit for you.  Would helping build a community space to be shared at the local kindly or school help create some connections for you?

Keep well, please remember, adaptation takes time and there really isn't a correct way or time.  

[Jynx]

Hey @McFluffy if you want the person to be notified you've replied, you can tag them using the @ symbol and choosing their name from the drop down so it shows up in blue, like this: @zxc1 

[zxc1]

Thanks for the reply. I don't have a lot of time to volunteer unfortunately. working full time and I have two kids. I just wish I could stop worrying about it and just get on with life but the worrying doesn't stop and it's so fatiguing and depressing.

[McFluffy]

@Jynx. Will try to remember. Memory isn't my thing, have brain that works differently. The reply system is a little clunky for us newbies.

[SkySeeker22]

@zxc1It seems like you are in a tough situation at the moment.

Buying a house can be a huge financial stress, and now you have the added worries of the medical facility and busyness of the street that you weren't aware of before purchase.

It sounds like both you and your wife value your relationship very much, and that this situation is causing extra strain.  It seems as though you are both on different pages at the moment with regards to the house.  Are you able to sit down and talk it through and lay out potential options and compromises with each other?  For example -  you said that your wife doesn't want to move - is there anything that may help you to make living in the house more bearable? 

You said that along with the medical facility and road noise you are worried about house maintenance - is there anything that you and your wife could do now to help how this may impact you in the future? 

Would renting the house out and moving elsewhere be an option for you?  This way you are not selling your house, but using it as an asset for the short-medium term.  You could reassess your situation after 12/18/24 months and see how living there would feel for you at that point?

Warm regards

SkySeeker22

[zxc1]

@SkySeeker22 thank you for replying. I really appreciate it. I don't think we would be happy to rent the house. it's quite a fancy house and I'd hate renters to damage it. My wife and I discussed it and her compromise is that we live here for 8 years then we can sell. I don't know if I can last that long. I'd prefer to wait for the construction to finish then consider selling. Part of my problem is also that I missed these issues before purchasing. I'm quite particular and I can't believe I missed these issues. it's making me feel very depressed. Also I find that I'm not good on weekends and in the morning until around 1pm. outside these times I have moments where I feel more relaxed.

[PinkFlamingo]

Hey there @zxc1 🙂

Really sorry to read about what's been happening for you with the new build; I hope you and your wife can sort something out where you both can be happy with the outcome.

I dont have much more to add to what @McFluffy  and @SkySeeker22  have mentioned, besides that I was building a house (under construction) when I became separated and then divorced, and it was one of the most difficult and stressful things I have been through, so I guess the only thing I can add is that you guys are the most important thing 🙂

I didn't have a choice but to get tenants, and so I found a good agent, and I stayed on top of all applications with the agent, and as a result of diligence in seeking a good tenant, the tenant was really great (she did a good job of looking after the place like it was her own, pretty much). 

I had to kind of look at the place in a more detached way...

As far as overlooking the factors that you didn't become aware of after commencing construction, I can sheepishly say that that happens to many people... I wonder if you might try some housing construction forums for people building houses? I found that there was a lot of support, experiences shared, and practical information to be found 🙂

Wishing you all the best 🌺