Lived Experience Forum

[Zaphod]

Lazy weekend procrastinating on assessments due. Haha.

[Shaz51]

Hello @GoatV2-0

it is soo good to see you around the forum

how many children do you have

I have 4 step children who are all young adults now

[GoatV2-0]

Thanks Shaz. I'm glad I found this place. 

I have 2 boys. One is 4 and the youngest is 2 and a half.

Keep us very busy and stressed, but I love them to bits 😊

[Shaz51]

lovely ages @GoatV2-0, busy but lovely

I did private childcare for 25 years , I loved it

[GoatV2-0]

You guys deserve a medal. The carers at our daycare are so patient and caring.

[bluegum]

Hi GoatV2-0,

I see this is an old post so I hope you don't mind me responding to it now and sharing my experience with social anxiety

Also, thanks for the details on IFS.

I hope things are going well for you.

I really struggle with various forms of social anxiety.... one is of 'running out of conversation'... in that most social interactions I have these days are over coffee, dinner or drinks - I put a lot of pressure to 'connect' and feel like a failure if I don't. My anxiety changes with my mood, if I am happy I can be reasonably confident and I enjoy meeting up with people, if I am depressed it plummets to all time lows. Recently I was out on a couple of day walks with friends... but spent the entire time worried what they thought of me...

If a conversation isn't a positive experience to me...my interpretation is that there is something wrong with me, that it is my fault, and that the person or people I am with will judge me poorly and I will lose an opportunity to build a relationship or lose a current one...

These experiences are really distressing to me as without feeling connected to people I tend towards depression (I guess I have placed a lot of pressure on myself there then!) 

In reality, I understand that if you don't see people on a regular basis it can be hard to have a meaningful conversation... and yet my anxiety takes over and can be really intense that I'd rather avoid it altogether.

My experience might be somewhat different than yours, but know I'm in your corner 

all the best

[Former-Member]

Every social situation is awkward and extremely uncomfortable for me. I am full of paranoia that people are looking at me and judging me. It's gotten to the point I lay in bed at night dreading possible and likely scenarios where I have to go out of the house. It has gotten to the point I dread my friends and family dying because I will have to go to their funeral as expected. 

[Former-Member]

I relate to this @Former-Member - you really have to stay on top of it or it (social anxiety) takes you prisoner. I went through a long period where I couldn't even water the front garden 😞 Sounds like your family might be quite judgemental of you over the years (no just your head) - it's hard to shut out those condemning voices when they're from loved ones. I have a pending funeral and fear of attending family do's more than go shopping. I love to shop where I know nobody knows who I am. Then I don't feel judged by gossip and can do it. I move a lot. One thing I learnt in counselling is AVOIDENCE MAKES IT WORSE! We have to force ourself to socialise once a day
- chat online
- talk over the back fence
- ring someone
- exchange the weather with sales staff
- take a bus / train trip (covid safe of cause lol)
- etc
Spend as much time as you can with nonjudgmental people and this will drown out the fear triggered by the others. Be kind to yourself too, don't be hard on yourself, in your mind. Its taken me years to remember and learn to apply these things - its ongoing. Like diabetics have to manage a disfunctional blood sugar, we have to manage social hobia, proactively.
There's no cure, just management I think.
Often I drag my feet out the door, some days it actually pays off and I sending me home that little bit happier, even if just for a day.
Don't give up 😊

[Former-Member]

The weekend just went my friends took me to see a band, I was anxious the whole time, but I did get some enjoyment out of it.