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14-12-2017 03:08 PM
14-12-2017 03:08 PM
Hi,
So it turns out I have been avoiding dealing with depression and anxiety for years, steming from trauma and chronic illness. My partner (can read my story over in the carers section) left me after 12 years together. Things hadn't been great but I didnt and still dont think they were separation worthy issues.
Anyway he has his own issues, most likely depression, PTSD and/or mid life crisis, but since he left my issues have come screaming to the surface. My psychologist said I have been silently suffering while focusing on him and now I dont have him around I cant ignore how I am feeling. I know not all my depression is about him but it definetly feels like it is making it harder for me to deal with life. I am extremely depressed to the point I am scaring myself. I cry all the time, I dont want to do anything and can not generally see the point. It hurts all the time especially when I see others so happy, very opposite to how I have been my whole life, although if I'm honest I have been feeling chronically depressed some time now.
I would love some advise from anyone who has had their heart shattered and has depression and how they got themself through. I want him back but pretty sure it isn't going to happen and I realise even if we did reconcille that he isn't going to make it all go away. Pandoras box is open.
BTW I have seen a psychiatrist and waiting for a plan to be made, seen psycologists and on ADs. I feel like I have now lost the only person who had any idea of what I have been thorugh (as he went through it too) and have no one who truely understands.
TIA
15-12-2017 08:02 AM
15-12-2017 08:02 AM
Hello @rosey I feel for you. I can probably understand some of what you're going through because my husband of 19 years announced one morning that he wanted to separate and by evening was gone. Like you I thought the relationship was viable and it was a total bolt from the blue. I can really identify with: silently suffering while focusing on him. This was me for 10 years. We have kids and I put myself last. I had struggled with anxiety and depression all my life, but after this event it was brought into very sharp focus. Within a 18 months the enormous stress led to a manic episode and I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1, which in fact I'd had for 30 years. I couldn't let go of the relationship for about 2 years, and things were very complicated because of the kids.
Heartbreak doesn't heal quickly, but you do now have some space to focus on yourself and what you need. It's really good that you have reached out for support and have some professional help in place. Finding the right psychologist was key for me. I have been seeing him for 4 years now, and while it has not been a steady progression I have come a long way. It is hard work but it's so worth it.
One thing I am still working on, is that I had relied on the relationship with my husband for support to the neglect of other friendships. It is hard to break out of that mentality because I'd been stuck in it for so long. I am also redifining my relationship with my kids because I really neglected my own self care.
Medication has also been an important part of the picture for me. It took me a year to accept the Bipolar diagnosis and a further year to get the medication right. My guess is you have accepted your diagnosis and will not have the same struggle with meds (Bipolar is a difficult balancing act and some of the drugs were awful). If it isn't working, or the side effects are too awful, speak up. There are always alternatives.
If the breakup is very recent and raw, this is a real crisis point. Make your self care #1. If that's hard, start small. I started with walking around the block to ease my overwhelming anxiety, and finding temporary distractions from the terrible grief and shock. Over time I gained ground.
I imagine it's impossible to see right now, but there is hope.
I am thinking of you @rosey Be kind to yourself.
19-12-2017 02:24 AM
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