Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[dideoh]

My daughter is 38 and attempted to take her life about 10 weeks ago. Since then it has been an ongoing saga of sadness. I had to call 000 a few weeks after that attempt and she was admitted to hospital again but released 2 days later. Now she refuses to talk to me and she is blaming me for all her troubles. She has a 14year old and 9 year old at home. Her first attempt was because she finally decided after leaving her husband 14 months ago, she had been totally unsuccessful at finding another partner. He had just started dating an attractive lady and my daughter was livid as she saw him as the villian in their relationship. He didn't deserve to find someone when she was going to have to spend the rest of her life alone.

It was so hard having to call 000. She was angry at me because of a variety of reasons- things like I had not cleaned her floors - I would spend 3 days cleaning cooking caring but I didn't clean her floors spotlessly clean. She sent me away and was angry because I wasn't there for her. She ranted and raved on the phone to me and then started saying "you want me to ...... myself" At that point I felt I had no option but to call 000. I was concerned for the children as she was not getting out of bed to feed them or see them off to school. There was rotten food in the fridge and no one knew what was good or not. She locked herself in her room and would not talk to her 14 year old who was terrified that Mum was going to harm herself again. The 14 year old was distancing herself from her "why should I love someone who doesn't want to be around to see me grow up". My daughter was so miserable to be around that my granddaughter would come out of her room for meals or if needed but otherwise stayed in her room to escape being around my daughter's misery.

It seems that mental illness is just too hard and there really is little that can be done. Her admittance to hospital was a shocking experience. She was only there 2-3 days and I only know what her ex husband has told me. At least she is talking with him and he is taking care of the children a lot. There is a really great  retreat for people with depression on the sunshine coast which sounds excellent but it would cost $20,000 for an intensive 4 week stay. However, it included really good food and advice on the necessity of eating properly. It is a truly holistic approach.

I have no contact with her at all. She has even blocked me from facebook. At least I get to see the grandkids every once in a while. I used to see them every 2-3 weeks and stay 3 days and I am very close to them.

It is so hard. Her ex husband brought the kids to see me yesterday and he said she is not any better. She is miserable to be around and sees everything negatively. She is seeing a psychologist but even he is pessimistic about her future. I have been to see him and while he cannot talk about her specifically, he can talk in general terms. I live each day wondering how she is but I know she is so sad, angry and sees fault and blame in everyone else.  The hardest part is that sometimes I wish she had succeeded the first time. Now the children, her ex, myself and my husband live our lives fearing her moods and are we going to find her body one day.

[Former-Member]

hello @dideoh

Firstly I want to apologise on behalf of this website that noone has yet responded.

Your post is extremely important and I want you to know that you are being listened to.

You are describing a terrible ordeal for all concerned and I am relieved that you have sought the carers forum to vent your feelings.

I want to stress that it is very important that you do not feel guilty about calling 000.

You were extremely brave and showed great strength in doing so. You were looking after your daughter, as well as your grandchildren and you and your husband also.

I am wondering if the children were asked to live with the father full-time during this period of recovery of your daughter's health what the answer would be. They are not living in a safe, healthy environment.

It is an extremely difficult situation where I imagine that you are feeling whatever you do you will be judged as going against your daughter.

Have your heard of Carers Australia they have a mental health section and you would be deemed as your daughter's carer in this instance. They would also be able to give you some contact numbers and names of organisations that might be of use.

You can also ring Sane telephone number which is at the top of this page 1800187263 and ask for some help in where to go next

please look after you.....there are going to be some more bumps in the road ahead....having some support for yourself and some time out for you is vital.

please continue to write on here....it does help venting

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @dideoh

I am glad you have started a thread for your story, it's the best move forward from the Introduce Yourself Here thread.

I am sorry things haven't improved for your situation with your daughter at this stage. I have had an awfully long wait for intervention in my home situation, and from my experience I can tell you that having others to walk along with you as you move through this challenge is a real sanity-preserver for you ..... and you need support in your care role to avoid the hazards of emotional burn-out as much as possible.

What else are you doing to look after your own well-being ? Only answer if you feel comfortable to ......

It can be hard to break away from the mental cycle of turning over and over a problem that you can't resolve ..... that takes time and incremental changes by others to reach a point of even improving, let alone resolving.

@Former-Member is right ..... every post here is important, and it can take a day or two sometimes to pick it up ..... but once you have had a response on the thread (like mine now) then email notifications gonout to the responders with all future posts on the thread.

Take courage, take heart ..... others walk with you ..... some in the same sort of shoes ......

💐💕

[Former-Member]

yes starting your own thread is a good idea... prompting  a response within a suitable time frame regardless of whether or not they have posted before @Faith-and-Hope

[Rockpool]

Hi @dideoh,

I have not meet you yet, so a very warm welcome to the forums I'm glad that you found us and are sharing your situation with us here. I hope you find the forum a safe space to share and receive support.

This sounds like a difficult situation to be in. I can hear your concern for your daughter and also for your grandchildren. As @Former-Member mentioned, it is perfectly okay to contact the police/emergency services when you feel that someone is at risk, you did the right thing. I understand that it can be a hard decision to make at the time and also difficult given that she has stopped talking with you for the time being. I am glad that you still have contact with your grandchildren, this can be really important for your own self-care as mentioned by both @Former-Member and @Faith-and-Hope. Are there some other things that you do to look after yourself as well?

I understand that @Former-Member mentioned both Carers Australia and our Help Centre if you want to talk about what is happening for your daughter and/or how you are coping. Carers Australia can assist in providing some ongoing counselling for yourself or support groups if you are interested in those avenues of support. Otherwise we are also more than happy to talk with you about what you are going through. You dont need to go through this alone. You also have the support of the forum.

Meet some other great carers that we have on the forum @Shaz51, @soul, @Appleblossom, @Former-Member, @outlander, @Former-Member.

You can also chat to other carers in the "Hot Chocolate Anyone?" thread which you can fine here.

Look forward to 'seeing' you around the forum again soon

[Shaz51]

Hello @dideoh and welcome to the forum

thank you for sharing your story , please remember you are not alone my friend , I have found the forum very helpful

My husband  had attempted to take his  life twice before i met him as I am his second wife , since we have been married , he has attempted once  and had a break down and ended in hospital

I have 4 step children who are adults now and like me , we feel will he do it again , sending you knowong hugs @dideoh 

keep in touch

[dideoh]

thanks everyone for your words and thoughts. Everyday, I wonder how my daughter is and will she try again. The first time, about 10 weeks ago, she was in the emergency ward recovering when she told me that next time she will research it better and next time she will succeed.

At present she will not speak to me and has a lot of cognitive distortions. I am sure that there is a genetic and epigentic component to her illness. I don't know if anyone on this forum has looked into the research for the MTHFR genetic polymorphisms. There is very strong evidence to support this. Mental health has as much to do with nutrition as any other illness. My daughter has been eating badly for years, been under a lot of stress. Now she is taking all kinds of supplements without regard to the fact that too much of something can throw everything out of balance. She started taking Berocca which has lots of B vitamins but also folic acid. Folic acid is an artifical form which is hard for the body to metabolize especially if the genetically derived enzyme required is lacking. Folic acid is added to flours, breads, cereals etc- I wonder if there is more of an issue with folic acid when the focus is on gluten.

There are some really great intergrative practitoners now who have been trained in nutritional medicine, in particular those involved with Dr William Walsh whose credentials are impressive. there have been some great improvements for depression, autism, bipolar, to mention a few.

thanks for listening

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hugs n hugs @dideoh ...... 💜💐💕

[Jasminej]

Hi @dideoh, I just want to send you all my love and strength. I also wonder if your daughter is seeing a psychiatrist? You did mention she's seeing a psychologist but I wonder if a change in medication would help her. If you are unable to talk to her directly maybe you can have a chat with someone who she listens to or respects and they can hint at it or go with her to one. I do hope things improve.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Jasminej .... welcome to the forums.

Has there been any change @dideoh ? How are you doing ?