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25-01-2015 07:30 PM
25-01-2015 07:30 PM
Adult Kids and their Partners
I wonder what I have done to deserve this, when all I did was care. My son posted a picture on Facebook that we (husband and I ) felt was inappropriate.I prefer not to say what it was(nothing sexual) so I posted a private note to saying I though it would be a good idea to take it down. Shortly after my daughter in law answered with a full tirade of how we had upset Paul and totally spoilt their day.She ranted on with some other stuff.Anyway I sent another private post and apologise for upsetting them and said were are old fogies that possibly don't understand how facebook works, and again apologised.My husband came in and as I was about to show him the posts they disappeared.Now i"m not sure if she has blocked us off altogether.
We did this out of concern, but I feel that we are the worse in the world. It breaks my heart to think that this could be an ongoing situation. I already feel like I've lost my son, and its breaking my heart.I understand their upset, but I feel like they have overreacted.I really don't know what will happen next.
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25-01-2015 08:35 PM
25-01-2015 08:35 PM
Re: Adult Kids and their Partners
Not always, especially not when I am asking advice but, when I get a bit of lecturing about how " in my day.." Well I do what my kids do to me, I turn off..
In a nutshell, I think whilst you may have made a completely wise observation or suggestion, it is the fact it came from you, as parents that it has been ignored.
Wait and see, perhaps other friends will also suggest he remove the post, OR, he might decide Facebook is not the place to be friends with parents.. That's OK, you can still email and he can send pics via email rather than Facebook..
Let time pass..and in a couple of days or weeks maybe call him..
Take care 🙂
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28-01-2015 10:30 PM
28-01-2015 10:30 PM
Re: Adult Kids and their Partners
Has there been any developments with this since you posted? I think letting some time pass, as @Alessandra1992 said, will be helpful.
Something I have noticed (especially being around online communities) is that tone of voice and non verbal cues are missing from text only communication, so it's up to the receiver to fill in the missing pieces - which could end up anywhere.
One time I sent an email ALL IN CAPITALS, which I thought would show my enthusiasm and excitement about something. I was so wrong. I was told to 'stop yelling'. Eek! I had no idea that was the message I was sending just by using caps.
I completely empathize with you. I hope things have improved.
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29-01-2015 02:15 PM
29-01-2015 02:15 PM
Re: Adult Kids and their Partners
It's hard to say without knowing what it was he posted though.
If the post involved you or your husband or your photos then you have a "right" to complain about the post.
If not,then it's best to let adults be adults and just focus on a harmonious relationship with him.
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29-01-2015 02:31 PM
29-01-2015 02:31 PM
Re: Adult Kids and their Partners
My son took down that photo late Saturday night and replaced it with a more appropriate one. He rang my husband on Wednesday night, just general things. Toward the end of the conversation my husband brought up about the picture and why he said he should remove it. Paul just said he was very disappointed that he saw it that way. He never asked to talk to me,so I just feel he is still very upset with me.I feel very rejected.I feel I have lost him. It hurts a great deal. I am not going to contact him. I think more time needs to pass for both of us.This is like my worst nightmare, being estranged from my children. Its like his died.
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29-01-2015 06:12 PM
29-01-2015 06:12 PM
Re: Adult Kids and their Partners
Ivana
I am not in the habit of interfering in the lives of my children, telling them what they should and should not do.This was an exceptional circumstance. The image were we saw was very confronting, and we both felt compelled to say something. Yes he can do as he likes. It doesn't change the fact we are his parent and will be till the day we die. You don't stop being a parent because they leave home and get married.We are their for all four children no matter what.At the end of the day, this was an act of loving concern for our son, which we have explained to him.
Quit frankly I find your comment offensive
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29-01-2015 06:27 PM
29-01-2015 06:27 PM
Re: Adult Kids and their Partners
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29-01-2015 08:00 PM
29-01-2015 08:00 PM
Re: Adult Kids and their Partners
subject closed
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29-01-2015 08:37 PM
29-01-2015 08:37 PM
Re: Adult Kids and their Partners
What I was trying to say is that it's important for parents and adult children to have healthy boundaries because that way situations that could potentially cause "yucky" and divisive feelings such as anger,hurt,rejection etc can be avoided.
When an "adult child" posts something on FB for example that really distressed the parent-just say for example they posted "dark" poems about depression and suicide-then another way might be for the parent to ask them generally how their life's going etc instead of directly addressing their FB posts or asking them to change them.
Sorry,if this scenario doesn't parallel yours,it's hard to state a "fitting" example without knowing the situation/picture content.
Over the internet it's also easy for things to be misinterpreted because we can't hear people's tone of voice etc.
I hope things work out ok with your son:)