Lived Experience Forum

[Chris]

So much i want to say, but i  cannot say it. 

There could be massive repercussions 

It could be interpreted the wrong way and used against the ones i love

So its locked inside eating away at me.

I know this doesnt make much sense 

But i cannot risk the possiblity of my words being used against loved ones

Caught between a rock and a hard place

[melq83]

hi @Chris

I'm sorry to see you feeling that way! 

I do understand in the sense of massive repercussions for what you have said or done. 

The only advise i can give u is that if coming out and speaking  could help u in any way or someone you love maybe its best to do it. 

I have just lost most of my family and friends due to actions that i could not control. At the time i didnt even realise i was doing so wrong, but im aware of it now and i'm getting the help i need. I still have a few friends who are very supportive and are helping me through this really hard time. i also have a few family members, one being the guy i was meant to marry in two weeks time. If anyone had a right to walk away it was him! but he stayed, and we take things one day at a time now.

I have a very long and hard road to go but i know that i will get through it as im speaking up and saying i need help and excepting the help i can get. 

i hope this helps you in some way! happy to speak more if needed ... 

Mel 

[utopia]

@Chris - there are services that you can speak to that may help. For example - CASA - centre against sexual assault - listen - but do not take your story any further - that's entirely your choice.
Maybe you could talk to a psychologist and explain that you have to get something off your chest, but you don't want them to discuss your story with anyone. Generally they will promise this, so long as no one is being physically or sexually hurt at the moment.
Ask if they can promise and what type of story they have to declare. That can help you decide if you will share with them.
It must be so hard to live with something so painful that you can't share. But by not being able to express it to even one person, sounds like a burden you shouldn't have to carry. By letting it out - you release that pressure.
I hope you are able to find someone you can share this with who will keep it secret for you.

[Former-Member]

I have been in a  similar situation to you. Here is what I did. I wrote everything I wanted to say down by hand down. I used a nice pen and expensive linen paper so it would feel official.  Then to make the feels go away I put some charcoal lighter fluid on it and burned it. As my words turned to ash I felt a tremendous sense of release. I hope this idea helps.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Chris
I can totally understand your issue. A few years ago I was stuck with telling my family about my childhood abusers. J was so scared overwhelmed and emotionsl. I felt so sick. I told them except for one of them. It's the hardest decision to keep one a secret. But I can't tell anyone about this one particular person. It still haunts me to this day that I csnt be honest.
I hope you can find a way of opening up. Msybe sharing it with a GP or psychologist.
Even writing it down and burning or afterwards like @Former-Member mentioned is a good idea. It helps you get it off your chest. I did that and it helped.
Wishing you all the best. Happy to chat agsin
BB xx