Lived Experience Forum

[Anon4]

TW: food issues

Anyone else have unhealthy eating habits that fit into zero categories of eating disorder but are messing with their life? I reckon my body looks OK, my BMI is on the lower end of average, I don't do any of the common things associated with well-known eating disorders. Sorry for vagueness; trying not to trigger people who know exactly what I'm referring to. I basically use food restriction to induce a mild state of euphoria and to avoid food prep, but I eat normally around others because there's a purpose to eating normally around others whereas there isn't when it's just me. There's other stuff too, but I'll stop there.

[Maggie]

@Anon4  Hi there.

I have, have had, food related issues. It’s in part, trying to control a part of my life, when other things feel out of my control. 

I would suggest talking to your GP, or counsellor, or try the butterfly foundation. 

I’m glad you have talked about it here, and I hope you get support.

Take care.

[Former-Member]

Someone I know uses over-eating as a form of self-harm. That said, that may constitute an eating disorder: there is a [...] Eating Disorder diagnosis.

After I got some bad news one day, I didn't eat. At 4:00AM, I had a Double Quarter Pounder with half a Coke and threw the rest in the bin, including all the chips.. I didn't eat again until 7:00PM that night. I have had thoughts of starving myself since then, but I haven't.

Depression can simulate can lot of other disorders. If you're worried about it, please mention it to your therapist if you have one. I remember I started talking about my relationship with food and exercise in one of my counseling sessions last year, and she was very interested. "This would be a good conversation for us to have for a whole session some day."

All the best 😊.

[destructive]

Hmmm.. without knowing exactly what you're doing sound similar to myself. I don't do it because I think I need to loose weight. In fact I know I could stand to add a bit. And it comes and goes too. When I've looked at eating disorder dx they have a time frame for which the behaviour is present which I generally don't reach before I'm back to 'normal'. I don't consider myself having an eating disorder but I don't know what a professional would say because I've never shared it

[Anon4]

@destructive  Please feel free to share more if you feel comfortable to.

[destructive]

Hi @Anon4  just sounds similar to yourself.. I wrote something more but a word was allowed which sounds like it happened to you so maybe the same. I think for me it's when my anxiety is out of control or when I'm trying to do less self harm so I think it's about both those things. I'm deeply ashamed of it so have never told anyone in real life. 

[Bow]

@Former-Member @Anon4 @destructive  I’m quickly learning that ED’s come in so many different shapes and sizes and no one just fits in the one box. 

Recently I developed some eating issues which I used as something that I could control in my out of control life. It has very quickly gotten out of control to the point that I now have no control over it- which is scary for me. It has become so consuming. 

This has all come as a bit of a shock to me as developing an ED is not something that I thought would ever be associated with me. I love/ loved food. 

Im off to my gp tomorrow as requested by my psychologist to have a chat about my current issues and get a referral for more specific support. Wish me luck!

[destructive]

Good luck @Bow  let us know how you go

I've been thinking on it some since this thread and was actually thinking that I for whatever reason feel a need to have some proof (for myself) that I'm not well. Self harm in a way is that so when I take that away I need my body to be unwell in some other way to feel deserving of help. I don't know of that makes sense.

@Anon4  Do you have any thoughts on what it means for you?

[Anon4]

Good luck @Bow !

@destructive Yeah, sounds similar to me. I need the drama. I used to say I want peace and stillness, but I can't say that honestly anymore. All the turmoil is because I want it and would be lost without it and it's an inner signpost that I'm not selfishly fulfilling my own needs at the expense of anyone else. Seeking comfort in the well-known and familiar.

I stopped active SH years ago. But the craving never stopped, and I'm incapable of not destroying myself somehow - destroying myself is where the peace is!

But I also wanna keep working in a career I love and it's hard when you're so famished and caffeinated that you're high and foggy. So my goals of self destruction and self actualisation are fighting and I'm trying to be a grown-up referee on minimal food. It's a task. It'd be great to have a way forward, but I don't know what ED help there is for EDs that aren't EDs.

Currently, destruction and actualisation are both winning. I eat enough to just function. This could be the rest of my life: the see-saw or pretending to want to be well. It's rubbish and I see through it and I accept it. Because apparently acceptance is the first step to change.

[Maggie]

@Anon4  Your post was so well said. You seemed to cover so much is a few paragraphs.

Take care. 💜💜

@destructive @Bow @Former-Member 💚💚💚