Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi all

I hope you don't mind me posting on this side. I would like advice from family members/loved ones of people with mental illness. I am having trouble communicating with my mum and my partner about what I am going through. 

I have got depression and anxiety and OCD. The depression and anxiety isn't too hard to bring up because I guess it's more common. But the OCD which involves intrusive thoughts and "magical thinking" (I found out today that's what it's called) is a lot less common and spoken about. Sometimes I can see that what I am thinking is probably not possible. Other times it's ridiculous to me that people would call this a "mental illness" when there are so many others who have the same thing happen (in particular when thoughts are put into my or another persons mind) and it is just absolutely the most real thing ever. Imagine seeing a blue car and someone telling you that you are wrong, the car is not blue. You have mental illness. That's what it feels like. Because you know the car is blue. I hope that makes sense. 

Anyway. My mum doesn't believe that 

[Former-Member]

Hey @Former-Member

Without psychoeducation is very hard for someone without MI to understand.

I was married for over 20 years when Mr Darcy became unwell. He managed his own mental health until things really deteriorated and then I became his 'carer' or 'responsible person' and whilst I primarily consider Mr D as my partner, in the medical field the distinction is necessary. I am also his legal enduring guardian and in that role it is essential for me to understand.

My advice would be to educate Mum & partner, this might initially involve getting some general information about the diagnoses you have and to have a basic understanding of how they are treated.

My second bit of advice is to include your partner in your treatment plan (assuming you are getting professional help).

I put together a concise history of Mr Darcy's symptoms, treatment and any side effects.
This might be something you could do for yourself and then running through key points with your partner. Having this information is very handy for us/me as we know there are some drugs that caused adverse effects and he should not be given to Mr D. Knowing how you feel about certain treatments (ie would you be amenable to ECT) is something that your partner potentially needs to know. The other thing is that, as with any number of medical illnesses, your partner or family might notice things before you do, knowing what to look out for can be the difference between you getting early intervention or not.

Documenting is good, mood charts are really helpful for affective disorders.

Carer input can also be helpful to your pdoc. Based on what you posted, as a carer I would be able to verify you have told me you have racing thoughts & OCD thoughts and that you cry almost daily - all of these points are helpful to your pdoc. Mr Darcy goes into his pdoc appt on his own and I go in toward the end and tell the doc my observations. I do not go in on his psychology sessions.

Hope this helps.
Darcy