Lived Experience Forum

[TideisTurning]

Sitting here with you @jay2. Not every helpline will work for everyone, and I'm sorry to hear of your more difficult/ invalidating experiences, though glad you have found us here at SANE and contact with our Support Centre has been helpful 😊 Please feel free to keep reaching out when you may need to- we are here to support and listen. 😊

[maddison]

Hi @IsAnybodyThere 

As one of the replies mentioned, this is not crisis service as such, therefore it would be inappropriate for any of us to give you suicide prevention advice.

I do know that you matter.

Please take on board some of the beautiful comments here, such as advice from @NatureLover that they have been where you are & things can get better.

It is difficult to know the right thing to say, (even for professionals) You are important, and people care.

You have reached out here. There is part of you that is open to believing in more.

I have tried lifeline before too & did not have much luck. As someone else mentioned, SANE has been lifeline for many. All the people that have posted here, & many who read your post, but felt too scared to reply, they all care & want you to be ok.

Your wife has no right to make you feel that way. Being unable to relate to other men is not uncommon. My male friends have said these exact words before.

I also want to echo some of the resources that were mentioned i.e 1800 respect & men's shed. Could you try these?

[Deepbreaths]

Im new here and I just wanted to comment and say I can relate. I’ve never been suicidal a day in my life, I was diagnosed with panic disorder & anxiety disorder 2 years ago, I then had to move to a new area and nobody would help me without knowing my history and without talking to my old GP to confirm my diagnosis who is now overseas. 
i went cold turkey off my medication because I couldn’t access it and that is known to make sane people suicidal. the last month has been constantly debilitating. I reached my limit today after having a panic attack in the gutter after dropping my kids off at school. I contacted lifeline because that was my last resort, they referred me to beyondblue who referred me to Sane. I called and got in touch with an amazing counsellor for over an hour, who was a major help and now I’m seeing a doctor tomorrow and they have my full medical file from my GP’s office. 
just because you have a wife and daughter it doesn’t mean everything should be perfect, You just have to silence the irrational thoughts and see they are just thoughts, the world isn’t better off wiithout you, your daughter definitely isn’t better off without you. I know it shouldn’t be this hard but there is help you just have to look for it before those thoughts control your whole life. We lost a family member to suicide 10 years ago and seeing how that affects the family is what keeps me pushing for a better life, just 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day at a time, we can do it. I hope you reach out to someone for help

[IsAnybodyThere]

Hi @Deepbreaths ,

  Of all the wonderful responses I have had, yours is the one which has resonated most.

  I am sorry to hear what you have been. It must be very scary and panic inducing. A similar fact is that my psychologist died, so I can't get any of the records she kept.

  I have always thought about suicide, but apart from writing dark, which has helped to get my feelings out; it is only in recent months I have started to making physical plans.

  I am just so lonely and would like to have someone to communicate with without having to go through everything again..

 I have tried LifeLine and Beyond Blue. I spoke to LifeLine for a while and they suggested I call Beyond Blue. I called Beyond Blue and they suggested I call LifeLine!  I am glad you have good support here at Sane. They are very good and I have no negativity from anyone.

   One thing that keeps getting suggested to me is " Men's Shed ". I appreciate the thought but I cannot get through the amount of panic attack this brings about . People may say it wouldn't hurt to try it once; but the Panic and life experience I have had, stop me from trying it at all. I just relate to women more easily. I am not an ocker bloke or anything like that.

   When I used to have friends; all female; one of them said I have a lot of female energy about me..

As good as people are, I can't get through the type of Panic Attack I go through. I can't pretend to be someone I am not.

   Here's the thing. I am a giver not just a taker. I like to help where I can. I am a good listener and quite empathic.

   You said you hope I reach out to someone. I would like to ask that we could correspond. NO PRESSURE. you can say no and there will be no offence taken. You can read my other posts and get more of a feel for me, perhaps..

  Whatever that outcome; I hope your own circumstances grow more positive.positive.

   Regards, IsAnybodyThere.

[cloudcore]

Hi @IsAnybodyThere ,

Loneliness can be really painful, and I hear you on how hard it can be to cope with those feelings and thoughts of suicide without support around us. I just want to check in and ask if you're feeling safe at the moment, as I can see you have started making plans in the last few months? I want to acknowledge that Lifeline and Beyondblue haven't always been helpful for you, but it is important to reach out to crisis lines if you're feeling unsafe right now.

Otherwise I would like to understand the panic you experience when considering reaching out to services like Men's Shed. May I ask what barriers you're facing to engaging with them? I know for myself reaching out for help from my peers was incredibly scary but ultimately the place where I got the most meaningful support. 

Here with you, 

cloudcore

[IsAnybodyThere]

Hi @cloudcore.  Thank you for your concern. Yes; right now I am okay. I have a date in  mind, but not for a couple of months or so. One may say, if I am going to do it, why wait?  I want a date where my wife and daughter are out most of the day.

    As for the Men's Shed, I can't seem to get through to many how much Panic Attack this would bring on for me. I am not a ' True Blue Okker ' bloke. I just can't mix or communicate and people drift away. Same thing almost all my life.    Thank you for your concern and understanding.

Cheers; @IsThereAnybodyThere.

[tyme]

Hey @jay2 ,

I'm so glad to hear you have found SANE forums invaluable.

Although we are not a crisis service like Lifeline, we DO have a Help Centre whereby you can speak to either a counsellor or a peer support worker from SANE (not a crisis service). Feel free to click on the following links for some more info:

https://www.sane.org/counselling-support/sane-support-services

https://www.sane.org/peer-support/connect-with-a-peer-worker

All the best,

tyme

[Deepbreaths]

@IsAnybodyThere thank you for not only your response about your post but also about my story, I can totally get what you mean when you say you want help without wanting to start over, I feel exactly the same and that’s why I pushed my mental health aside for so long but it had declined so rapidly lately, the panic attacks were more intense and more frequent. I don’t leave the house other then to get my kids to school and I panic once I leave the house having panic attack in the gutters, my home is my safe place. 3 weeks ago did a rare thing and went out with a friend and my drink was spiked I was violently sick and now more then ever I don’t feel

safe outside. It’s teally scary. 

im unfamiliar with the mens shed can you explain this? Sorry I can’t offer any advice as I’ve not heard of it before. 

it’s horrible to feel isolated and alone even when you’re around people and sometimes who helps just to talk to someone who knows EXACTLY how you feel, I’m more then happy to correspond just let me know how we go about this as I’m new here your post was the first I commented on. 
stay safe and I hope to talk to you soon! 

[IsAnybodyThere]

Hello @Deepbreaths.. I want to be honest with you.. I believe you should intend how you intend to continue..…

 I will tell you some more about myself and situation and hope it doesn't scare you off from corresponding.. As you have said about doing school runs, I guess there is a fair age difference what with me approaching 62. However I am also in my 3rd childhood! 🙂

  So much for being honest. 

Anyway despite where we live, or age, or if you choose not to chat anymore; I do feel lucky for having met you however briefly.,

   You are right, starting over is flipping scary . I think you were very brave going out with a friend.. I am sorry it did not go well for you, to say the least.  If I had my way, I would stay home and just do online shopping. 

  Perhaps I shall not say any more unless I hear from you.   I am extremely scared. I'm not afraid to die; I am afraid to live. Philip.

[Deepbreaths]

@IsAnybodyThere  Given that we are looking for support from people who understand I don’t think age matters, I’m friends with people ranging from 25-60’s, that makes it sound like I have a lot of friends 😂 I have 4 and only my best friend knows my struggles and the extent of it, I find it hard to trust in people without constant fear of being judged. 
it goes both ways though you have to be okay with it too, I’m 34 years old but I’ve been told I’m wise beyond my years because of everything I’ve battled. I have 3 beautiful children 12, 9 and 6. I’m raising them on my own, it’s not easy but it’s worth it. As I’ve said it doesn’t affect me, Everyone needs a support system and to find someone who knows what you’re going through is everything. I’m so glad I found this place. 
i do my shopping every week online. This was the first time I left the house other then to take my kids to and from school in months and people wonder why I don’t want to leave, look what happens when I do? I’m scared along with my other anxiety disorders I’m going to become agoraphobic. My home is my bubble and when I left the bubble I feel like I can’t function. It just keeps getting worse.
Tonight I was cooking dinner and I felt an attack coming I had to get my almost 13 year old daughter to stir dinner while I ran to my room sat behind the door and let the panic attack wash over me, it took me a while to get off the ground. it’s just how I would describe hell. 
anyway, if you still want to talk I’m here, if not I understand