Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Trigger Warning mention of miscarriage and I don't know what else yet I'm probably going to ramble a bit.

The last couple of months has been difficult I've been through a whirlwind of emotions.

I found out after 5 years of actively trying and 8 miscarriages  I have a less than 12% chance of conceiving and carrying to term.

I have endo, pcos, barely functioning ovaries and irregular cycle.

That along with the damage the Dr who performed my cesarean did to my uterus when my son was born I'm probably never gonna have more kids.

Next my sis had a miscarriage a few months back and I keep feeling like it's my fault because I tried to be happy for her but ended up being jealous because she never wanted kids and it would have been her 5th.

I live in a rural town and while my partner and son thrive I feel out of place and alone and my partner doesn't understand he just keeps getting upset that I didn't do the housework again. And I hate it because I feel like I'm becoming my mother and I don't want to be like that but I can't get the motivation for anything.

I started a course last year but being in and out of depression I've nearly done anything and I'm gonna have to either quit or pay for an extension 

I found out one of my abusers has been located by the parole board in a near by town and I'm scared that he will try to find me because the whole family stopped talking to him when I finally told them while he was in prison. 

Found out my mum was talking to one of my other abusers and I stupidly forgave her when she blocked him because apparently no matter how much she hurts me I'm incapable of cutting her out.

I've been trying to be supportive for a friend who just went through a difficult pregnancy after being raped without letting my own instability collapse. 

Also another friend just lost their mum and the person they were living with locked them out and told her that her mother was better off dead so been trying to comfort her to and keep her from doing something to herself.

My son has his pediatrician appointment Tuesday to confirm if he is asd or add and a few other things. But my partner is against it believe there is nothing wrong with him he is just stubborn 

[Bow]

@Former-Member Sorry that there is so much going on for you at the moment. Any one of those things is a lot on their own, let alone all of them happening at the same time.

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[jem80]

@Former-Member 

I can only imagine the feelings you are having after having so many miscarriages. I'm hearing that you have conflicting feelings towards your sister. It is not your fault that your sister had a miscarriage there would have been other reasons beyond your control as to why it happened.

I can only imagine how you feel knowing that your sister has so many children and your knowledge that you may not have another child. 

Have you spoken to a trauma counsellor or psychologist about your experiences with your miscarriages and depression?

Do you feel safe where you are at the moment? You can call 1800 respect on 1800737732 or chat online at https://www.1800respect.org.au to help find some supports.

Has anyone chatted to your mum about creating a safe plan for you which means that she does not have contact with your abusers. That none of your details are given out and that if they do make contact that there numbers are blocked and that they are also blocked on any social media. Have you chatted with the police about your concerns of one of your abusers been in the next town and what your safety concerns are. You have the right to feel safe.

Its great that you are supporting others however to help them and your self care you can refer them to the service that I mentioned above and help them put there own safe and self care plan. Your friends can also contact lifeline 131114 or chat at https://www.lifeline.org.au and call the police to report the rape.

would it help if your husband went along to an appointment with you and your son once a diagnosis is determined to help educate him?

Do you have any self-care activities that you can do when you feel depressed like listen to music or go for a walk or have a cup of tea or go to a local park and have some me time.

Studying can be stressful as it is. Can you get an extension and sit down with support services with the education institution that your studying with to give you some flexibility or the chance to defer if need be.

please stay safe, take care.

[LostAngel]

My Goodness your going through so much please keep reaching out for support inspite of your Husbands stubborness ,do everything you can to take care of yourself and your son is there possibly a friend you could get in contact with who is not currently in one of these situations so that youd have someone or hopefully more than one person for you to just unload a bit and lean on for emotional support? also someone else suggested contacting 1800 Respect I also urge you to please contact 1800 Respect as they have people trained to listen who could talk to you over the phone anonomously if you wish so that you have someone to listen to your situations,please keep reaching out on the forums too because we are here and we care LostAngel

[Former-Member]

Hi @Bow, @jem80 and @LostAngel 

Thank you so much for replying it means a lot. So my partner is coming to the appointment because it's 2 hours away and I don't drive. But because he works and his job means leaving before 7 and returning home around 6pm our son is asleep or winding down from the day on his laptop so he doesn't see everything I go through from getting him ready for school to doing homework or what he is like when he is home sick. Even eating, he doesn't eat his lunch at school and at home even though I try to get other things in there he really only eats dinosaur nuggets, ham and pineapple pizza pockets and mash potatoes. He even prefers mash potatoes over cereal for breakfast. When we have spag bog he will eat the mince with the pasta sauce but he's so sensitive to taste that when I tried the pureed veg through it he had one bite and then refused to touch it. When he gets a temperature he becomes really aggressive and volatile, i have had to go to the hospital a few time because of him, but my partner doesn't see all that and his solution is to get angry at him and punish him. 

My partner decided that we should have a bbq and invite ppl from town so I can try to make friends. We have lived here almost 2 years it's a small town if I was gonna make friends I would have by now. I do have a friend coming to my house for a few weeks during the holidays and I'm excited about that. 

I am going to talk to my tutor and see if I can organise an extension 

[jem80]

@Former-Member 

It's good to hear that your husband is coming to the appointment with you and your son. Hopefully the doctor can have a chat with him to explain your son's behaviour and condition and some of the traumatic events that you have been through.

No one should have to go to hospital because of aggressive and volatile behaviour. You have the right to be safe. When you feel unsafe please don't hesitate to call 000 for police to help assist you with your son so you are not alone and have some support and can be safe.

It's good to hear that you have a friend visiting you. Making friends can be challenging. I have a lot of acquaintances but few friends. Sometimes socialising and just talking is enough, you don't necessarily have to immediately be friends with everyone. It takes time to develop rapport with others.

It's good to hear that you are going to have a chat with your tutor about an extension. Educational institutions are generally very supportive of their students when they need an extension or to defer to have some time off. If your educational institution also has some counseling or mental health supports services please reach out to those services as well as they can support you during your studies.

[Former-Member]

@jem80 ,

I don't think I'm capable of calling the police on my son he is only 8 and I honestly don't think any good could come from it

[jem80]

@Former-Member 

I can only imagine how challenging it must feel to call the police on your son. If you are alone the police can help you. It maybe that they might have a chat to your son. However you have right to feel safe and to have assistance if the aggression and behaviour makes you feel unsafe. The police can help you assess the situation and also if you or your son need other assistance like an ambulance as your son might need a mental health assessment.

Has anyone considered any anger management counseling for your son which may help before the situation becomes escalated?

[Former-Member]

It's one of the things we are talking to the pediatrician about on Tuesday