Lived Experience Forum

[Eden1919]

I have been in hospital for the last 3 weeks and am currently on weekend leave so much has happened and is still happening and i have been so scared the whole time I am now on a 6 month treatment order and i dont know what to do i am scared because i have a device in me and i cant get it out and the doctors are trying to hurt me and i am taking the medications even though i think they will hurt me because the doctors keep saying if i dont they will make me have injections but i only started taking them this week because before i was only pretending to take them but they figured it out and anyway i dont want the injections. i hope i dont have to stay in hospital much longer but some of the spirits still want me to hurt myself and i kind of promised them i would and i am scared if the doctors find out they will keep me longer i just dont know what to do i am just really scared all the time and i keep trying to distract myself but everything is so hard i dont even know why i am writing all of this i guess i am just feeling kind of lonely and i cant really talk to anyone irl about this right now idk, sorry to bother everyone. 

[greenpea]

@Eden1919  Sweetheart you must take the medication like I have to take mine. The truth hurts but it is the truth. Am worried about you. peaxxx

[Maggie]

@Eden1919  Sweetheart, you are not bothering anyone. We are right here with you, because we want to be.💕💕

I’m sorry things are so hard for you. I hope your weekend leave helps.

Please take care @Eden1919  sending lots of ❣️❣️❣️

[Eden1919]

@greenpea  I am taking it now it is just still scaring me. everything is just really hard but i am trying i really am and i dont want injections so i will take them, my psychologist said i need to give the meds more time i dont know i just feel really weird. 

[K8tie]

Hi @Eden1919 

Thank you for reaching out to others when your feeling so very scared. Its not easy when you have so much to worry about. I understand that you are scared of taking your medication, especially when you dont want to. When you feel like no one is listening to you or is hearing you but the spirits however... even they want you to hurt yourself. Please Im asking you to NOT hurt yourself!! No one that truly cares for you would ever want you to do something that would hurt you. The medications the doctors would be giving you is to help you, I know this becasue doctors take an Oath to do no harm to there patients.

They study to become doctors because they care for people and want to help. If you dont believe me, just try taking the medication for 6 months enough time to feel a true difference and tell them what your thinking or feeling about hurting yourself. This should help with you feeling so scared and you should feel much safer. You can even keep writing to me if you like. I hope this has helpped in some way. 

Either way if you take my advice or not I hope that you feel much better soon and you feel safe. 

K8tie

K8tie

[Eden1919]

I was discharged on Monday after my weekend leave and things have been difficult I am having trouble taking care of myself and things are still quite intense there is a lot going on that I cant really explain on here and i dont feel right idk it is hard to explain. but on top of everything i am very nervous about my upcoming appointment with a new psychiatrist that i havent met before who is a public psychiatrist and i am supposed to be getting a case manager who i also havent met yet. 

I am also stressed because my parents are pressuring me to go back to studying next semester even though they dont know that i failed all my classes this semester and I just dont know if i cant or not idk i am just very stressed and there is a lot going on.