why can't I cope longer?

[Zoe7]

Oh @Former-Member that is devastating to find out you have been excluded again - very much hearing you. Try not to let the nasty actions of others get to you - they don't deserve any more of your thoughts. So much feeling for you and sending love from those of us here who do care 

[Ali11]

Sending love @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

Thanks guys, but ... All this

- self care

- self compassion

- self healing

- self awareness

self self self 🤕

I'm so sick of s-e-l-f / alone

I need love / company to live

Its critical levels tonight.

In a recent discussion about 'assisted suicide' / euthunasia debate,.. Studies show that most with families & loved ones around don't really want to end their suffering... Its the ones who don't matter to anyone who believe it's time to go. My ears pricked up "that's how I feel" I wanted to scream... finally someone who understands... but he was only a radio program... And you guys are only in my phone,.. I don't know where to find the energy for myself - I wasn't built that way. Need help not words I think

Not that I'm not helped by you guys here, I am , get the chance to be heard... so much better than nothingness 💜

[Appleblossom]

You are right @Former-Member 

We are not islands.

We need relationships.

Hey .. I am a LOT bigger than any bloooomin phone.

Thats why it is good you have a visitor. 

I am not good at the visitor thing so dont do it often. 

I get social contact in other ways ... 

We dont have to be the same ... to get connected.

God and Spirituality can help in many ways.

Dont let them define you.  Tell em to B** off outa ya head.

YOU are bigger.  You are a good mum to your boy.  It is difficult for many of us older women to find roles and ways of being, but we do. Without Women the WOrld would go to pot a lot quicker.

I wish you would get back to your music, I am sure it would help and its social, but thats me. I am biased.

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @Former-Member 

Im feeling a bit worried about you, seems like your going through a horrible night...

if your feeling like it is at critical levels and that you need help not words then perhaps it would be worth calling one of the help services that can be there in person if needed? 

is it at that stage? you deserve to be looked after too...

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

If in immediate danger: 000

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Fancy-Pants, I rang lifeline, they listened for exactly 20min and moved on. Sorry to alarm, the SI is very visual and frightening for me so it helps ro talk here because you dont panic and call an ambulance etc Im Blocked my toxic family on my phone helped me feel in control a bit E.Pain halved with it . I also took pain meds 

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member Very much listening here and hearing how alone and isolated you are feeling. You are right that we are only really words on a page but behind those words are care and compassion for you Hon - it doesn't solve your problems but we are here supporting you. 

Keep posting and reaching out here when you need - even if it makes a little difference to how you are feeling to be able to vent then that is a positive. Only too happy to be here for you when I can @Former-Member because you matter to me 

[Ali11]

Sorry it sounds like your experience calling Lifeline was so disappointing @Former-Member. Reaching out like you did is a positive step and we hope you will not be discouraged by what happened. After blocking toxic people from your life it is understandable that some of the associated pain is halved but any pain that does remain certainly does not have to be managed alone. How would you hope to be helped next time you reach out?

Please let us know how you are doing, we're listening.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Ali11   @Zoe7   @Appleblossom , and all. I'm ok . Got busy tidying house for the friend whose planning to come stay thursday night. It real gets my mind off things to keep moving, doing, hand to task. (they should bring back basket weaving in psych hospitals).

Its 0130 and only just stopped. 

Really hate those dark moods, like yesterday sorry. Its like a different me and I'm so ashamed,. but glat i didn't act on SI, and appreciate i could come to he forums with it. Takes away ia lot of ts power to share it.

With Lifeline, I'm not sure what to expect... some volunteers are very experienced, others seem so scripted and mechanical. I Often feel I know more about MI than them, and they don't know the difference between SI and imminent suicide. I can't tell them details of suicidal thoughts or they panic. Wouldn't be the first time police are sent out which is embarrassing. Having said that, I have a hard time knowing if I'm gonna ''do it's this time. Takes all my energy and sedatives not to at times.

Well, took pain meds for the back, and keep falling asleep dropping the phone - so need to go.

Its real nice that you wanted to know how I am 💜

[Maggie]

@Former-Member  I’ve heard some of you pain. So much of it I know from personal experience, that alone frightening feeling. It’s times like this I wish I could find the right words, but can’t. But for what it’s worth, I do understand. I know no one can ever understand our journey completely, but in parts, we do. Someone said to me recently, “ I can’t change your past, or predict your future, but while I’m with you, I hope in some small way, to make this time a little better. That’s just what I hope to do, for a small tiny moment, let you know someone is thinking of you. As many others here are also. 💕