Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shaz51]

hi BeHappy    Yes my husband feels the same , we go somewhere and in ten minutes time he wants to go back home again

It takes a lot of planning on my part , to encourage him to go even if it is for little while

[CherryBomb]

@BeHappy the Christmas period can heighten tensions between family members and/or friends. Set realistic expectations of yourself and others. If you and certain family member has had some recent disagreements, or conflict, you can be sure there will be tension at Christmas lunch too. To limit arguments, avoid known triggers or areas of conflict (e.g., don’t talk politics or religion at the dining table!). Remember that Christmas isn’t a time to resolve long-term conflict. It may be helpful to try and put aside hard feelings at least for that one day It may help you get through the holidays and even enjoy yourself.

[BeHappy]

Hi @Shaz51,

Do you ever try going to social events without your partner? I'm thinking of trying that this year as @CherryBomb mentioned. But I worry about leaving him on Christmas day. I can't help but feel guilty. 

[Shaz51]

 Hi  CherryBomb                     if you or your loved loved does not want to go to a social event, expecting that they will go for a whole day may be unrealistic.-- this is so true , it does not work , I find if I expect my husband will want to came home early ,and I will tell the family we are only staying a little while , it is better for everyone

[CherryBomb]

@Snoo 

Finances and presents are a prickly issue at this time of year.

Financial stress can create a lot of pressure on individuals. During the festive season, it may feel like we need to spend more than we can. So create and budget and stick to it. We mightn’t be able to afford what we would like, but remember it is the thought that counts, and there are alternatives (Kris Kringles, creative projects, and/or get people to bring along a plate of food if you're hosting).

 It can be fun getting creative. this year, my partner and I after moving house didn’t really want to spend more money on a tree, so we made one out of cardboard! (will post pic in a sec).

[CherryBomb]

Yeah @Shaz51, I think many people can build up great hopes only to feel disappointed if their hopes aren't fulfilled. Clarifying expectations for you loved on, and your family members makes things clear, and can ease stress. 

It can be helpful to reflect and ask yourself:  what are your expectations this years? Are they realistic for yourself, and your loved one? Do you have the means (financially and emotionally)?

[Shaz51]

Hi BeHappy                     for years now , we have lunch with one family and dinner with the other family and My husband could only cope with  one and we would not go to the other one , family have said I should still go but I could not leave him home ,

[BeHappy]

@Shaz51 I agree, particularly on Xmas day. I worry that it might turn into a day of rumination for my partner - a trigger, not good if they are feeling lonely, and they are isolated during the festive season. 

We only have one social gathering luckily. Perhaps I can see if they only want to go for an hour or two. What are you doing this year? Will you only go to one event?

[Shaz51]

Hi BeHappy                     Yes we are only going to one event  this year , which will be good , family lunch so then we can come home and he can go to bed

[CherryBomb]

@BeHappy, you bring up an important about isolation. @Shaz51 may I ask why you don't want to leave your partner at home? I ask because I wonder if the same concern that @BeHappy has, or is it different.

In terms of isolation, I think the focus on family and friend this time of year can create a sense of isolation. if you are unable to attend social situations. It can be helpful to keep in touch and reach out to loved one’s via social media, a phone or skype. I did a skype call on Christmas day a few years back, and it really helped.