Lived Experience Forum

[saltandpepper]

@Powderfinger If you're naturally inclined to step back and 'go quiet' during difficult times I imagine it would feel overwhelming to share as you've done on your thread. Might just take a bit of an adjustment period to start feeling comfortable in sharing. I remember when I first joined the forum here looking for help, I wasn't at all prepared for the support I received and I actually withdrew from here because it felt too overwhelming. I hope you'll feel comfortable sharing as much or as little as you like here. Always welcome to check in anytime.

[Powderfinger]

@saltandpepper 

Thank you for your words and understanding. 

[saltandpepper]

Morning folks,

Thanks @Powderfinger @Former-Member @Bow @BlueBay for dropping in here, please feel welcome to stop by any time for a chat. If you know any other forum members that may be interested in this thread, please tag them in. I'm hoping to create a hub for the forum members on SANE who have experienced abuse in their childhood.

Experiencing childhood abuse has its own set of challenges to overcome. I've found it to be very isolating in that not everyone is able to understand or relate to me. Things that are normal for me can be frightening for others to hear about, especially for those who are close to me. I'm really keen to connect with some people who will just get it.

So, how did everyone handle Christmas this year? It's not an easy time of year for anyone really, but it has definitely given me a swift kick up the ass this year. Despite Christmas being over, my anxiety levels haven't dropped off at all, nightmares are in full swing at the moment which isn't helping my anxiety. How do you guys cope after Christmas is over? 

[Former-Member]

Hey everyone, Christmas this year was like none I have ever experienced. For me I use to focus on my kids so come December 1st I would decorate the sh*t out of my house amd trying to convince hubby that we still needed more pressies amd more food even though we had enough of each to sink a battleship. Yes my kids have been young adults for a few years but I always felt like they had to be spoiled at Christmas. I know now that I was giving them the sort of Christmas I wanted when I was a kid.    

This year not one decoration went up, they got hand made gifts and I didn't get upset about not seeing my stepdaughter and her family or my only son. Went to my sisters on Christmas Day and spent 2 hours there (normally would have been there for about 5hours) and I was done. Child alters triggered, other alters just is a hideous mess. I slept for four days only moving when I absolutely had too. 

Today is a hard day as it's the anniversary of one of the most brutal abuse that I faced as a child at the hands of a favourite uncle. SH and SI thoughts are harder to control and if hubby wasn't aware of what today is he would have most likely left me at home with my two daughters but he isn't let me out of his sight, even waits at the toilet door. 

So that is my mess for the en of 2020. 

@saltandpepper @Powderfinger @Bow @BlueBay 

[saltandpepper]

@Former-Member  I'm really glad your partner is able to give you that level of support. I can't imagine how difficult it has been for you these past few days, I really feel for you. I hope you're able to get some rest tonight and take comfort in the love and support your partner is offering you.

Thanks for sharing with us, I'm sure it wasn't easy

[Former-Member]

@saltandpepper , I find it easy to talk about things here on the fourms and it's because I can't see your face or expressions. Like you most pwople

around me get really uncomfortable when the subject of my past is brought up. This site and the support I have gotten has saved my life this year literally. I remember saying goodbye to some

friends here and one of them came

straight back to me and said I hope that was meant to be goodnight and not goodbye. I didn't think they would notice and it broke me into tears and luckily hubby found me because of my crying. She literally saved my life that night. 

I am a good listener as well so am here if anyone needs someone to listen to them. 

[saltandpepper]

That's heartwarming to hear @Former-Member  Sounds like you've made some incredible connections online, I'm really glad you found a way to come back with the support of one of the forum members. Truly a wonderful story.

I feel like I should admit, I've had a few drinks tonight--not at all new years related. I told myseld I should leave SANE for tomorrow so I don't make a d*ck of myself, but that was just a really nice story to hear. And I hope you're coping okay tonight, and I'm hlad youre able to share your past on here. I have trouble with it, sometimes it's easier than other times to talk about. 

[Former-Member]

I would join you in that non new year related drink but I am on an alcohol ban. I hope that you find some peace from what is stressing you tonight. Please look after yourself and be safe @saltandpepper 

[BlueBay]

Hi everyone @Former-Member @saltandpepper @Powderfinger @Bow 

Christmas for me was nice. The lead up was mentally terrible. I was very anxious sbd finding ways to seek reassurance thst I would be ok. Noticed this happens every year. 
but the day was beautiful with my 3 adult kids snd my daughters new partner and of course my littke 3 year old granddaughter. 
the part that made me upset was my mum not allowing me to visit them. Always finding excuses. Finally saw my parents a week later. 

I still have a lot of anger snd hate sbd hurt reg my abuse. 
so much has to do with my mum. She's denied my abuse from day one when I told her. 
I'm sorry I can't be in here right now. This is triggering me writing because the pain of how she treated me is too painful. 
back another time. Xxxx

[saltandpepper]

@Former-Member A wise move taking a break from alcohol. I probably need to scale it back a bit, perhaps had a few too many the past month, but meh. Hope you managed to get some rest last night and are able to find some joy today. Do you have any plans to kick off 2021?

Hi @BlueBay I'm glad you were able to enjoy Christmas day despite all the anxiety surrounding it. Sorry your Mum seemingly withdrew from it all, can imagine it would have been disappointing for you but hope you were able to enjoy the catch up the following week. I'm interested to know how your relationship with your Mum is given her denial about any abuse. Sounds like you still try to have a connection, but I imagine that must be difficult when she denies the pain you've been in. Completely understand that you're not up to talking about things right now, it's not easy. Please don't feel like you ever have to respond or share anything that you're not ready to talk about. Either way I'll be here. Hope last night was good to you.